My first break-up and all that it involves

Life Dating & Relationships
1

as most stories,this is a long one,but i wanted to get some feedback.

i just broke-up from my GF of 4 years.

it wasn’t going so well for about 6 months,for several reasons.

-excessive jealousy
-uncertain relationship future (she is not officially divorced from her ex,divorce doesn’t exist here,our attempts were rejected)
-constant troubles with her ex’s family (they kept opening court cases to gain custody of the 2 kids from the 1st relationship)

during the period where it wasn’t going so well,i got to know someone really sweet (i know,they all are to begin with!),that girl went through the same type of break-up 6 months ago and is very understanding and supportive.
beside,she ticks all the boxes on the list of what i really hoped a SO to be.

the dilema is that,i feel responsible for my ex,
i totally changed her life in that i provided her with anything and everything financially,
got her to move to a new part of the country away from her family where she got a job and a circle of friends.

so when we ended it,she wished to stay in this little town,because of friends/work.
and although i knew it would make for awkward moments,i had no rights to ask her to move away.

the new girl moved in with me,and now we feel like prisoners because any outings implies walking past my ex,with all the drama you can imagine.
moving away/changing job is NOT an option for me.

should i just bare with all the trouble until it inevitably quiets down??

another question is:
is it abnormal to ask your SO not to check your cellphone/computer??

2

First breakup?!?!? Wow. :astonished:

Don’t worry about it, in 20 years it will all seem like ancient history.

3

[quote=“Cesar Morales”]the dilema is that,i feel responsible for my ex,
i totally changed her life in that i provided her with anything and everything financially,
got her to move to a new part of the country away from her family where she got a job and a circle of friends.

so when we ended it,she wished to stay in this little town,because of friends/work.
and although i knew it would make for awkward moments,I had no rights to ask her to move away.

the new girl moved in with me,and now we feel like prisoners because any outings implies walking past my ex,with all the drama you can imagine.
moving away/changing job is NOT an option for me.

should i just bare with all the trouble until it inevitably quiets down??

another question is:
is it abnormal to ask your SO not to check your cellphone/computer??[/quote]
I don’t know, I think either you or she has to leave that small town. Don’t you ever hear the song by George Strait “All my Ex’s live in Texas”? Friends, jobs can change during certain period of your life, but if you want to be with someone for long it’s not only a period.
BTW it’s not abnormal at all to tell your SO not to check your personal things. Everybody has different definition about personal space, if you don’t like you should let her know. And you guys just started the relationship not too long ago, isn’t it?

4

yeah,that was made very clear to my new SO,

i was asking because this is central to the break up with my ex,
the more i ask around,the more i’m told that cellphone/comp are private space,no matter how much trust there is.

5

Not sure what you mean by divorce doesn’t exist here. Divorce is very common in Taiwan and all your ex should have to show is that she has not lived with her husband for 2 years.

As for cell phones and such, you define what is acceptable to you. No need to ask around though it is useful sometimes just to reassure yourself you aren’t becoming Howard Hughes.

6

It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. How you gonna feel after 2 years of her family and divorce courts? When the going gets tough, the men get going… :wink:

[quote]
another question is:
is it abnormal to ask your SO not to check your cellphone/computer??[/quote]
Yes, a relationship is not some kind of business partnership, despite how magaizines portray it. Unlimited access is a right. Deal with it.

Have a good day!

jdsunshine :rainbow:

7

It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. How you gonna feel after 2 years of her family and divorce courts? When the going gets tough, the men get going… :wink:

[quote]
another question is:
is it abnormal to ask your SO not to check your cellphone/computer??[/quote]
Yes, a relationship is not some kind of business partnership, despite how magaizines portray it. Unlimited access is a right. Deal with it.

Have a good day!

jdsunshine :rainbow:[/quote]

Are you saying being in a relationship gives you unlimited access to the other’s life? From the start? If not then when? And if the time must be negotiated doesn’t that suggest to you that unlimited access is not a right but somehting that must be agreed upon by both parties?

8

It sounds like you were right to break up, and that she (the ex) is better off for having met you, which is good. I know it’s awkward to walk past each other every day, but maybe you could learn to accept it…?

9

I’m not in Taiwan,that’s why

10

It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. How you gonna feel after 2 years of her family and divorce courts? When the going gets tough, the men get going… :wink:
[/quote]

i think you misunderstood

her family isn’t around,just her,thank god!
as for divorce court,it’s not for between us…when we got together 4 years ago,we began process of filing for divorce from her husband…so that eventually we could marry.

but it was rejected by the court

11

[quote=“Cesar Morales”]the new girl moved in with me,and now we feel like prisoners because any outings implies walking past my ex,with all the drama you can imagine.
moving away/changing job is NOT an option for me.[/quote]

um… you just recently ended a 4 year relationship, and, like it’s nothing, started a new relationship with someone else?

My first relationship lasted almost six years (that was like ten years ago). Then I was single for more than a year.

You cannot honestly start a new relationship when you are still emotionally (and in your heart) with your ex. Let alone when everything in your environment reminds you of it (and all the problems in your case), AND your new SO having to bear with the problems of your previous relationship… and seeing your ex…

12

[quote=“Ectoplasma”][quote=“Cesar Morales”]the new girl moved in with me,and now we feel like prisoners because any outings implies walking past my ex,with all the drama you can imagine.
moving away/changing job is NOT an option for me.[/quote]

um… you just recently ended a 4 year relationship, and, like it’s nothing, started a new relationship with someone else?

My first relationship lasted almost six years (that was like ten years ago). Then I was single for more than a year.

You cannot honestly start a new relationship when you are still emotionally (and in your heart) with your ex. Let alone when everything in your environment reminds you of it (and all the problems in your case), AND your new SO having to bear with the problems of your previous relationship… and seeing your ex…[/quote]

you’re right in several ways,but in my opening post i wrote this

[quote]it wasn’t going so well for about 6 months,for several reasons.
during the period where it wasn’t going so well,i got to know someone really sweet [/quote]

me and my ex should not have lived together that long,we stayed under the same roof because of the feeling of responsibility i mentioned before.

i had time to get used to the idea of being with someone else in that period too,
all i was waiting for was for my ex to make the first move

13

I guess it’s ok then. You know your own situation and should know what to do. It will quiet down eventually, and I hope it works out for you two together.