Hello,
I am living in Japan now and met my gf (taiwanese) 8 months ago, we started living together and really love each other, in two months I am moving to Taiwan (Kaohsiung) as she will finish her Japanese studies her in Osaka. The problem is that her parents are strongly against me, I am 30 years old and divorced, which I kind of understand their feelings, but they judged me before even meeting me. How can I do? I have no children from my previous marriage.
Better question is “what will she do?”
Talk to her, work that out.
Well she accepted to live with me and she is very strong, she didnt give up even her parents are keep on asking her to break up with me. But of course she told me that if we wanted to be marry one day, her parents have to accept first.
[quote=“Jaboney”]Better question is “what will she do?”
Talk to her, work that out.[/quote]
Bearing in mind that whatever she says right now in Osaka, there’s a 99 percent chance that once she gets back here and closer to the parents’ scope of influence, she WILL become a completely different person to the one you know right now. Seen and read about exactly this scenario many, many, many times, usually written by devastated foreign men who simple could not figure out what happened to the girl they met overseas.
I would think very VERY carefully about moving here if the reason for moving is this girl. Your plan has disaster written all over it.
Sandman, that’s a bit alarmist. There is a chance she will become more obedient when she returns but it is not 99%. We’ve also heard lots of cases over the years of parents being against someone only to relent when they met or when the girl made it clear this is who she has chosen.
They are living together, and she has made her relationship clear with her parents. The cases that end in disaster are when the girl keeps the relationship a secret or downplays it to the parents.
OP, does your gf’s parents know you are living together?
Sure. But we have the luxury of sitting back and tap-tap-tapping in a bored and indolent manner. Neither of us really give a toss what he does or doesn’t do, but he’s talking about upping sticks and moving to foreign country to be with a girl he barely knows.
You smell alarmist, I smell disaster – for him, not for her.
In every situation we’ve read or heard about the girl was always studying English. This one’s mastering Japanese. Completely different scenarios. We can’t judge.
Seriously, your warning is sound, but it’s unfair to put it in a worried man’s mind that a breakup with his beloved gal is a fait accompli.
Unfair? Not really, given that I’m always right.
Ummmmm, my question is this, where do you plan to take the relationship??? Do you want to continue to live in and are afraid the parents won’t let you in K town? Or, do you intend to propose marriage??
If you guys are really in love, then you don’t have to follow her back. She is doing her own thing and you should too, until both of you are at a point in life, where the two of you can be together, and neither has to sacrifice a lot. Following her here, will be a very BIG change for you. I’m all for lurrrve and chasing a lover half way across the world to nowhere, but honestly the best love stories are a lot less dramatic than that.
[quote=“sandman”][quote=“Jaboney”]Better question is “what will she do?”
Talk to her, work that out.[/quote]
Bearing in mind that whatever she says right now in Osaka, there’s a 99 percent chance that once she gets back here and closer to the parents’ scope of influence, she WILL become a completely different person to the one you know right now. Seen and read about exactly this scenario many, many, many times, usually written by devastated foreign men who simple could not figure out what happened to the girl they met overseas.
I would think very VERY carefully about moving here if the reason for moving is this girl. Your plan has disaster written all over it.[/quote]
and this…
[quote=“Mucha Man”]Sandman, that’s a bit alarmist. There is a chance she will become more obedient when she returns but it is not 99%. We’ve also heard lots of cases over the years of parents being against someone only to relent when they met or when the girl made it clear this is who she has chosen.
They are living together, and she has made her relationship clear with her parents. The cases that end in disaster are when the girl keeps the relationship a secret or downplays it to the parents.
OP, does your gf’s parents know you are living together?[/quote]
Both true.
It could go either way, but chances are Sandman’s take is more probable. But, it does depend on the girl in question.
First of all, thank you for all your honest answers.
Well let’s make it clear, her and I are both foreigners where we live right now. I came to Japan 8 years ago, and I have heard (and saw) so many similar stories about foreigners moving to Japan with their japanese gf that they met in their own country, the difference is that we are both foreigners in Japan, living together, which means that I know who I am with. She already went back to Taiwan during her summer vacation, and even with her parents threating her, she showed them that she was not gonna give up that quickly.
Now I am moving for two things, first of all, I am learning Chinese and I want to improve my Chinese, secondly, I want to know her more before marrying her, and moving to her city will be the best way to get to know her and see if she really want to stay with me.
About her parents, yes they know that we are together, but they dont know about us living together.
[quote=“djstout”]First of all, thank you for all your honest answers.
Well let’s make it clear, her and I are both foreigners where we live right now. I came to Japan 8 years ago, and I have heard (and saw) so many similar stories about foreigners moving to Japan with their japanese gf that they met in their own country, the difference is that we are both foreigners in Japan, living together, which means that I know who I am with. She already went back to Taiwan during her summer vacation, and even with her parents threating her, she showed them that she was not gonna give up that quickly.
Now I am moving for two things, first of all, I am learning Chinese and I want to improve my Chinese, secondly, I want to know her more before marrying her, and moving to her city will be the best way to get to know her and see if she really want to stay with me.
About her parents, yes they know that we are together, but they dont know about us living together.[/quote]
Mate, at the end of the day you just have to follow your own heart, make your own happiness and/or your own mistakes. Everything else is White Noise. I wish you both the best of luck, because for all the bad stories out there, there are also happy endings. I hope you get your happy ending. 
There are many many couples who had one set of parents or both sets of parents refuse to allow them to be together. In rare cases this led to suicide but in many many cases it led to a happy marriage. My ex had parents on the moms side who was vehemently against their taiwanese daughter marrying a weisenren (chinese mainlander) but that soon all blew away.
So you guys have a chance. It helps to know a bit more tho. Like how many children in her family. How old is she . Are they normal people or very wealthy.
How many children and if she has brothers can influence the parents decision. Most taiwanese families can be extremely protective of daughters until they are 30, then they sort of throw them to the dogs so to speak 
How old is she can help determine how much freedom she is going to be allowed (see sentence one above).
If her family are rich, its a bad thing in your case, because eventually when the parents threaten her with losing her inheritance she will likely think twice. Money talks after all. She would likely rather sacrifice you first, her religion next and last her money.
The sandman speaks truth djstout. Do not underestimate just how much your partner can change once she is back home. I’m not saying the end of the world scenario will happen, but based on what you have written here it is a real possibility. Just make sure that you will not be in the lurch should the worst come to pass. Good luck!
Well, I know too well about bf or gf moving to their partner’s home country and finding out that the person they shared so much time with are actually very different from what they thought. Like I said it before, I was married to a japanese woman, we met in Japan, so I didnt have the same problem, but she also changed after marriage, so I guess that everybody change their way of being when the relationship becomes more serious.
I am very aware of the risk that I am taking, but this time I have a good feeling about it. She will be 29 yo (chinese calendar) this year, and her parents are worrying about her not getting married, but as she is getting older, they will soon let her do what she wanna do, as she will be 30 next year, which means too old for taiwanese. Her older brother is on her side now, and her cousin too.
Anyway, thank you again
[quote=“djstout”]Well, I know too well about bf or gf moving to their partner’s home country and finding out that the person they shared so much time with are actually very different from what they thought. Like I said it before, I was married to a japanese woman, we met in Japan, so I didnt have the same problem, but she also changed after marriage, so I guess that everybody change their way of being when the relationship becomes more serious.
I am very aware of the risk that I am taking, but this time I have a good feeling about it. She will be 29 yo (chinese calendar) this year, and her parents are worrying about her not getting married, but as she is getting older, they will soon let her do what she wanna do, as she will be 30 next year, which means too old for taiwanese. Her older brother is on her side now, and her cousin too.
Anyway, thank you again [/quote]
Well, as long as you know the chance you are taking,then you can be emotionally prepared. BTW, maybe you can charm the parents. They might warm up to you. Who knows exactly why they are opposed? Perhaps they have some prejudices than can be overcome.
This thread reminded me of the Mel Brooks movie “Blazing Saddles” when Gene Wilder as the Waco Kid consoles the new black sherriff of Rock Ridge regarding how the towns people won’t accept him. :roflmao:
[quote=“Blazing Saddles movie quote adjusted for Taiwan”]What do you expect? “Welcome, sonny”? “Make yourself at home”? “Marry my daughter”? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of Taiwan. You know…morons!
[/quote]
There is really only one way to do it. And it is universally applicable.
Sit down with the folks, most especially the dad, without their daughter present. They might not like that arrangement, but they might be surprised by the outcome.
Truly.
If you can’t win that biscuit, then, it’s another story…
You’ll find out when you get here. As said it might be difficult to get a handle on your girlfriend’s true level of independence until you get back here, and you don’t really know how stubborn her parents really are. Even when you get back, assuming you don’t make a complete ass of yourself somehow (not that I think you would) those factors are pretty much going to be out of your hands.
There’s something to be said for the idea that it’s too much of a question mark to pack up and move for, but then again you won’t know for sure unless you do it. It depends on how strong your feelings for the woman are. It seems you have a reason to come here anyway so it’s all good.
All in all, worrying about it now is not going to do any good. Once you get here you can assess the situation more accurately.
Are you planning to marry her in the immediate future? Local parents often don’t acknowledge the existence of their daughters’ boyfriends before marriage is imminent. Meeting parents means you will marry soon, not go steady. Before that stage, don’t expect too much acknowledgement.