My wife (Taiwanese in Taiwan) knows a very wealthy couple with a daughter who fell for an American teaching English to children here in Taipei. The girl’s mother was noncommittal while the girl’s father was totally opposed.
They got married a couple of weeks ago. The Father bought them an apartment and remodeled it. The guy’s parents and two brothers came from Mexico and it was a huge wedding.
During his speech, the guy even announced (in English) that his father-in-law doesn’t like him.
If you want this to work, propose now, subject to parent’s approval. The gf has to know you’re committed to even raise the issue with parents.
Ask your gf what her Dad drinks… or wants to drink, as in Chivas, JW, single malt, etc. Then drink it with him.
For the Mom, you may have to go to the temple of choice with gf for a few months after the drinking session.
Don’t forget, you’re not marrying her … in the 'wan, you’re marrying her family.
Given the above, 50% chance of success.
If you can live some distance from K-town, like Tainan or even in the Rain Belly of the North, 80% chance of success,esp. if you can wait for her 30th birthday. Most 'wan parents will release a daughter to the care of a barbarian husband (i.e., urbane, employed foreigner) at age 30.
Thank you maunaloa, yes I should do so About waiting until she ll be 30, well that wont be difficult, there is only one and a half year to wait. In Japan, we say “teiki reiki” which mean the date until when you can have it, usually japanese girls have to get married before 25 years old, after that, guys call them “Xmas cake” as xmas is on the 25 26 is too late for them
Are Taiwanese parents expecting their daughter to wait until their wedding to give up on their virginity? I have heard about it, but it sounds so impossible in the 21 century
[quote=“maunaloa”]For the Mom, you may have to go to the temple of choice with gf for a few months after the drinking session.
Don’t forget, you’re not marrying her … in the 'wan, you’re marrying her family.
Given the above, 50% chance of success.[/quote]
Not sure if I really agree with that. I told my (then future) mum-in-law that neither my son (at that time, any future kids) nor I would be accompanying them to any temples for any form of worship as it’s against my religion. She respected that, When grandpa died (we were married by then) I went to the funeral, but I wasn’t asked or expected to bai-bai. I just stood respectfully beside them while they did their thing. No biggie. People here tend to be tolerant of other people’s beliefs. But I did show respect of their beliefs and customs in turn.
Also, the marrying the family thing. Sure, in a sense that’s true. But after you get married it’s also up to you to stand up for your rights, because the local custom is that a daughter married into her husband’s family. Hence, in return for CNY I expected them to attend Christmas Eve festivities. The one year they didn’t we didn’t join them for CNY nor did they get any Hongbaos. The next year, they showed up for Christmas.
The again, like anywhere, it depends on the individuals involved. My in-laws are awesome and my mum-in-law is gold.
Like parents anywhere, yes. And like any father anywhere, he’s expecting his “little girl” to be a virgin 'till the day she days. even if she has a husband and three kids.
Basically, no need to rub the fact that you’re making the two-backed beast with their daughter in their face.
Or you can do what any other self respecting foreigner does when their girlfriend gets the ‘sever’ orders from the Fam; find a new one! This is Taiwan, parents are all crackers, and yet the women are koo-koo for Foreigners. My point? Don’t let some ignorant/racist Taiwanese family ruin your life. If the old lady can’t/won’t fight for you, there is a boat-load of tail just waiting to be feasted on. Dissatisfied parents comes with the territory of inter-racial dating (I am, of course, assuming you are not Taiwanese). Good Luck.
Hell just froze over. sandman and I are in total agreement.
I’ve seen this countless times with people of many different nationalities. When living in a foreign country, people act differently. When back on their home turf, they change back to “normal”. You can multiply that by a gajillion when you are talking about cultures like Taiwan’s, where the parents play a much more influential role in their adult children’s lives.
Besides, you think you’ve got it bad. My bf and I have lived together for 8 years, 6 of which have been in Taiwan, and he hasn’t even TOLD them about me yet. When they come to visit, I have to stay in a hotel.
Ah, but what we have not yet heard is what race/nationality the OP is. I will bet (judging from post language, no offense intended) he is not a white American Engrish teacher. Not a native speaker of English or Chinese. Japanese, then? But he said he was a foreigner in Japan. So…Southeast Asian? European? Chances aren’t so good if it’s Southeast Asia, given the sensibilities of traditional-minded Taiwanese.
[quote=“CraigTPE”]
Besides, you think you’ve got it bad. My bf and I have lived together for 8 years, 6 of which have been in Taiwan, and he hasn’t even TOLD them about me yet. When they come to visit, I have to stay in a hotel.[/quote]
Off topic, but is your bf out to his parents? Or is it the foreigner thing that is stopping him?
Fair question, and not necessarily off topic, if the topic is meddling parents and adult children who enable them.
To make a long story short, he came out to his parents about 7 years ago when we were still living in SF, but didn’t exactly tell them he was in a serious relationship or that someone (me) moved back here with him.
[quote=“divea”]Ummmmm, my question is this, where do you plan to take the relationship??? Do you want to continue to live in and are afraid the parents won’t let you in K town? Or, do you intend to propose marriage??
If you guys are really in love, then you don’t have to follow her back. She is doing her own thing and you should too, until both of you are at a point in life, where the two of you can be together, and neither has to sacrifice a lot. Following her here, will be a very BIG change for you. I’m all for lurrrve and chasing a lover half way across the world to nowhere, but honestly the best love stories are a lot less dramatic than that.[/quote]
I agree with this. Don’t follow her back straight away…
Unless you’ve already got a job lined up / everything set up. It’ll be interesting to see how things go when you’re separated by distance. It’ll either make or break your relationship
Good luck!
(My parents have been against my sister and her fiancee for 5 years… they’re now in their 7th year and they’ve given up… now it’s “Oh well, just as long as you’re happy” hehe…)
I was thinking the same thing. There’s a ranking system here that many families adhere to, along the lines of: “If you have to marry a foreigner, just make sure he isn’t SE Asian or dark-skinned!” Normally, nobody on these forums would give a shit what the OP’s ethnicity or nationality is, but it’s relevant to the discussion here, if he wants to reveal it.
Taiwan is rather complex. The Society and Culture is based on Traditional Chinese culture mixed with a Racist, Classist and money orientated overtones. Marriages are not for the most part love, but practical arrangements to advance one or both families, financially or increase in status.
Along comes a Foreigner who understands and respects the culture, but does not play by the rules, the power struggle begins. Be patient, persistent, consistent, and hold position sooner or latter the gap will close.
The richer and more local the parents, the harder it us! Don’t think to much and roll with the punches!
Iv had a TW gf dump me because parents threatened to dis-inherit her and on the other extreme had a TW Gf for what seemed like forever who had parents who were fond of me but she ran off…
About waiting until she ll be 30, well that wont be difficult, there is only one and a half year to wait. In Japan, we say “teiki reiki” which mean the date until when you can have it, usually japanese girls have to get married before 25 years old, after that, guys call them “Xmas cake” as xmas is on the 25 
