So, I woke up early on Saturday morning, and don’t have to work this weekend. I pull out “the” paper (Washington Post), and look at the sports section and notice that my alma mater, the University of Virginia (UVA or the Hoos), is at the top of the Atlantic Coast Conference this year (beat the Hokies! GO Hoos!). It took me back to my freshman year of Uni at BYU (my first Uni), those were the days where Ralph Sampson played at UVA along with a point guard, Othell Wilson who went to my high school. UVA was kicking some ass in the ACC, and went to the final four that year. I also recalled how bewildered, and lost I felt at that time. I felt totally unprepared for life away from my parents, and here I was a half a continent away from home.
About my parents . . . . Okay, not really, they didn’t screw up my life, but they did fail me in one important aspect. They were good people. They showed love and affection, provided me with moral training, provided a home, healthful food . . . paid for piano lessons (I wish I had been interested when I was a kid) . . . encouraged me to be good person and so on. BUT . . . they were kind of absent when it came to teaching me about the importance of applying myself academically, and thinking about/planning for college and a future career. Their response is always, “We didn’t have any help from our parents (my folks are the first in their families to be college educated, both have Master’s Degrees), we figured it out and did it, and thought you kids would too.”
I got to university with very few skills, and very little idea of what to do with myself. I did figure things out, but it took me longer, and it could have been made easier if the adults in my life had given me a little more direction. I realize this in retrospect, particularly as I watch my brothers and their wives (all come from well-to-do families with fathers who are very successful in their various fields of interest: tax attorney, VP/CFO of company, Entrepeneur/Capital Investor, President/CEO of own software company). They pay attention to the homework their kids bring home. They talk about college, and how to finance it, and what are you going to do, etc. They provide varied opportunities for learning, and expect their kids to achieve - without undue pressure - and assist them in doing so, again by being attentive to their academics.
And where the hell were the guidance counselors? Those guys at my highschool were the coaches, a bunch of nimrods themselves. I think I had one meeting with my counselor and that was to arrange taking the standardized entrance exams (SAT and ACT). That was it. No help in college applications or discussions about course of study or my aptitude or taking an aptitude test to determine what direction I might want to consider (what major course of study), etc. WTF?
In the vaccuum that my parents left, the larger culture I was raised in took over and the message was “You don’t have to worry about studying really, your more/most important is to get your M.R.S. degree (find a suitable mate), and become a baby factory.”
Weird mix of messages . . . took me a little while to straighten it all out. I just think the road could have been made a little easier if the adults in my life had clued me in a little better . . . .
I was wondering what kind of experiences you all had in your early adult life, and what forces shaped you, and if you could go back - what would you change if you could.
Bodo