Need advices

Ermm… unfortunately this is not particularly strange in Taiwan (everything you have said).

My advice to you is to try not to get stressed about it (I know from experience that that won’t be easy). Things are just “different” here.

Leave it up to her to organise the wedding date. If she blows it, then you’ll be forced to leave and it’ll be her loss. Tell her once and once only about this.

It’s certainly not a taiwanese tradition, i can assure you of that much.

So far, no females I have been serious about here have wasted any time in introducing me to the outlaws. Even though I have not married my GF yet, we stay at her mothers house 3 days per week, and I am seen and treated as a member of the family. I was even listed as son in law during her fathers funeral.

I would imagine that there’s a fair bit of internal discord in the family about her actually marrying a bignose, and that it’s holding matters up.

If you want a fast resolution, you tell her that you book a date for the marriage registration now, IE that you want to go to the district court tomorrow basically. If she balks, consider your options.

Maybe I am too pessimistic but does anyone think things will get better when the two of you get married? As the saying goes - people don’t change, they just fall-back to their pre-relationship behaviour.

I would bet that since she has been back she has had to deal with shit from the family. Are they okay with your being waiguoren? Can you speak Chinese?

No. She’s being wierd. I’ve dated my Taiwanese girlfriend for 8 months and I’ve already met her parents. Same thing for my ex-gf.

Probably not a bad idea.

Some of you guys have had good luck, others may not have. This sort of thing DOES happen in Taiwan. As SuchAFob said, she could well be dealing with family shit, and they might not be too cool about the big-nose fiance.

It does happen, but in my view it’s a sign the girl has reservations about the relationship. In my experience, if a Taiwanese woman is seriously committed, she will walk through fire to be with her man–especially if there is a offer of marriage in the picture.

Moving to a new country can put a lot of strains on a relationship. Good luck.

Maybe she’s dealing with a lot of BS with the family or maybe now that you are here she’s freaking out because it seems more serious ?? eitherway none of us can guess and the only way you can find out is to ask her. Expect the worse but IMHO it’s better to know than to just wander wth is going on.

No itchiness to note?

Talk, and talk again.


One thing the original poster didn’t mention: Do they know about you?

Living together for 7 bloody years and never met her partents?
What is the proof she does has parents anyway?
I bet that FINANCIAL obstacles are part of the mess you are in. Try to find out ASAP what is she hiding.

Took five years of secret cohabiting before I met my outlaws and they refused to actually speak to me directly for a year or two after that.
That was 17 years ago and now the mother-in-law likes me better than the wife.

I know those “secret” cohabitation thingies, tried that myself once.

Normally, they know everything about what’s going on, but prefer to let the issue lie for the time being, hoping that it will go away in the end.

[quote=“Mr He”]I know those “secret” cohabitation thingies, tried that myself once.

Normally, they know everything about what’s going on, but prefer to let the issue lie for the time being, hoping that it will go away in the end.[/quote]
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

This happened to a guy I know. Met in a foreign country, were dating for a few years, came to Taiwan and BAM! Girl changed into monster. Unfortuanatly happened after they got married. Divorce took a FEW years. It did not go well, it did not end well.

But, a person can never genarilize. I’m just telling you so you shouldn’t be too naiive. Good luck!

Perhaps her parents are quite poor and she is embarassed to show you their living conditions? My Taiwanese ex partner was very reluctant to introruduce me to the grandparents, and when I finally met them (through another family member) I could see why…

Basically the grandmother had been offered a new unit, but instead chose to live in what was basically a garage next to a barren field, and shared a grotty bed with her adult (disabled) son. I have never seen so many haggard, mangy cats in my life and can still remember the smell today :frowning:

But she was ‘happy’ there and despite offers of new housing and financial help, she would refuse year after year and preferred to live where she has been for the last 40 years.

After thinking about it, I had respect for her but can also understand why the Taiwanese family were not proud of her living conditions. (They had a ridiculous 4 level new home with all the mod cons)

How did you get through seven years without getting worried before? Have you even seen photos of your future inlaws?

My house owner couple had been lived in Canada for 18 years and their children who were brought up in Canada have white boyfriend/girlfriend.
(Their children are still in Canada and will never come back to Taiwan.)
Their house interior and life style is very westernized and they speak English like native.

However, they(parents) told me that they allow their children to go out with Waigoren, but will never allow them to marry with waigoren.

Thus, culture may not be a problem. It maybe a “Race” problem.
I often heard many Chinese believe that Chinese are superior to other race.

If your girl friend’s family do not accept anyone outside their race, then it would be very difficult for you even if you could marry her.

Dude, I have think you have a problem. It sounds to me like your girl is from a very conservative and probably poor rural family (think redneck) and she is (1) somewhat ashamed of them while (2) being deeply indebted to them. The guilt card gets played often and to the max here, so if she went overseas to study on their coin the family could easily be using that to manipulate her. The way things work here is that one family marries another, it’s got little to do with the couple themselves. You have no family (here) so you have zero leverage. If her family is the manipulative type, when push comes to shove and she has to choose who to listen to, you will probably lose. She will most likely do what they want, even if it’s at the expense of her marriage. You might be lucky and she’s tougher than this, but the evidence you’ve presented so far does not point that way, nor does the experience of the vast majority of guys I know who’ve been in your shoes. That experience ranges from a few wasted years and emotional distress, through the loss of all their assets, to spending time in jail after being set up. The guys I do know who’ve married well, despite the objections of the family, have all been well grounded here before marriage. ie they had a career, spoke Mandarin etc. and were not in any dependent on their wives.

I’m married to a Taiwanese with a wonderful family, open minded, generous and well travelled. Luck had absolutely nothing to do with that.
IIWY I’d insist on a meeting with her parents, within the week, and if you are not really impressed with them pack up and go home. If she wants to follow you home great, if not… well my educated guess is that you’re going to be better off without her.

Good luck man.