stair rods…you know what they are right?..well its talking about rain…its raining quite heaviliy–also said ‘pissing it down’ stair rods=big rain
[quote=“Alien”][quote=“stragbasher”]
are newkie browns newcastle nut brown ales?
[/quote][/quote]
Newkie Browns YESSSSS!!! That’s me name leek…BroonAle. WHY AYE!
[quote=“stragbasher”]
I went down the pub with our Eddie and he give me his mobile ‘cos I were goin’ to fix him up with this bird. He was really gagging for it, but she weren’t up for it and he started going off in’t pub about how he were goin’ give me a right kickin; if he didn’t get his leg over soon. The chucker-out-man give him a knuckle butty and he were right pissed off. It were pissing down too, coming down in stair-rods, it was. We bought some Newkie browns from’t offy, and got well-pissed, then went to this knocking shop. I were knackered after.[/quote]
So the translation is:
I went to the bar with our friend Eddie and he gave me his cell phone number so i could get him a date with this woman. He really wanted sex, but she wasn’t interested, so he got angry with me in the bar and said he was going to beat me up unless he had sex soon. The bouncer punched him in the face and he got really mad. It was raining really hard out, too. So we bought some Newcastle Ale from the liquor shop and got drunk, then we went to a brothel. We were tired after that.
This is inane! 
Great though. Thanks again!
Well… yeah, but I didn’t get the immediate visual connection between rain and the metal things that lie horizontally across the base of stairs, so I thought it might be something more tricky and complicated 
Thanks anyway.
Alien,
I never knew you were such an Anglophile. If you lose “Big Red,” let me recommend “Myla’s” in Notting Hill. Along one wall, mounted upon blocks as if they were sculptures in a museum, are Myla’s five “unique” vibrators. The cheapest one is a rechargeable, five-speed vibrator named the “Bone” that was inspired by ancient fertility symbols and costs US$254. There is a six-month waiting list for this little number.
vogue.co.uk/vogue_daily/stor … ?stid=7801
Not quite. Staircases usually have bannisters. The bannisters are supported by rods, stair rods. Have you ever seen rain that is so big it looks like big long things falling out of the sky? That thing that looks like a rubber glove barking on the pavement is a dog, blown inside out, by the way.
Alien: ‘Our Eddie’ implies that Eddie is a relative, like ‘our mam’.
You might try this for more or less authentic Lancashire dialect:
ex-lancs.com/lancashire_dialect_poetry.htm
Or this:
mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm? … IKE%20THEE
You might try searching for stuff by Mike Harding, The Oldham Tinkers, or The Fivepenny Piece (Don’t Say Nowt - Tell Us Owt!)
See if you can find a recording by Max Boyce, or Billy Connolly for classic non-English extremism.
Or how about the movie ‘Snatch’ - didn’t that have some class rhyming slang in it? Can’t help more, SB is tired and going home.
[quote=“stragbasher”]That thing that looks like a rubber glove barking on the pavement is a dog, blown inside out, by the way.[/quote] 
I always thought those vertical things were called railings. Now you’ve done it. This means research…
English dictionary of slang
[quote]Meaning
Raining very heavily.
Origin
The allusion is to the vertical wooden rods that support banisters. [/quote]
(Snap.)
However:
[quote]stair rod
noun
rod keeping carpet on stair: a rod laid to hold a carpet in place against the bottom of a riser in a staircase
[/quote]
Fortuitous Guardian article:
[quote]A drenched person coming out of the rain the other day claimed it was raining stair rods. The concept of raining cats and dogs is weird enough, but at least explicable in terms of legends which make the cat an agent of bad weather and links dogs with the wind. But why stair rods? All the stair rods in my house - yours may be very different - are horizontal. The rain at the time, as I carefully ascertained, was closer to vertical.
[/quote]
So there - it’s not just me 
. Anyone still conscious?
Only me, and I’m getting into a bottle of wine with that lass what tied me up t’other night.
Not much going on down your way tonight, love?
actually i have always called those spindles…but as a brit, i was easily able to work out what he was on about
Stair rods – just think of Project T.H.O.R., aka “crowbars from space”.
With rain like that, sounds like you were in deep barney.
Your guide to the best of modern English is as close as Roger’s Profinisaurus: http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus/profanis.htm.
HG
Reminds me of a T-shirt made in HK for the last day of British rule: “Handover, Legover, Hangover”
Pick up a copy of a Roddy Doyle novel if you’re looking for printed examples. I had a hard time reading “Paddy Clarke ha ha ha” and had to read aloud most of the time to catch the meaning.
HTH
Iris
London for ya:
Oi Geezer = hello my friend
are you having a giraffe? = are you laughing at me?
had a barney with me ball and chain= had a fight with my girlfriend
when yer = hurry up
save it for ron= i will use it later ( Ron = Later on)
i muffed it up = i made a mistake
blinding = very good
you doughnut = berk = knob = plum = prat = twat = idiot
having a laugh = taking the michael/rise/piss out of someone.
so…
Oi Geezer,
alright mate,
I had a bit of fuckin barney with me ball and chain,
She giving you ear ache again?
Yep, the full monty, throwning toys, the lot.
Shit, you wanna give her the elbow mate,
Yeah I know, but the nookie is blinding.
You doughnut, give her the heave ho.
Yeah, lets go down the battleship ( battleship cruiser = boozer=pub ) for a few unsociable jars.
Nice one, when yer.
throw in the word ‘fuck’ liberally and you are pretty much there.
“berk” = Berkely Hunt = well, I think that can be worked out quite easily
I also like this word which if I recall came into being in the 80’s up North:
“gobsmacked” - lost for words / surprised / stunned (akin to being smacked (hit) in the gob (mouth))