Nervous Breakdown

Have you ever had one?

I know back when I was doing way too many chemicals for my body to handle that I locked myself indoors for almost a year and gained a massive amount of weight, lost friends and became a fuckin’ burden to be around. It’s about time I let it all hang out and talk about it because it’s not something I ever, EVER, want to go through again.

Have you had an ‘episode’? I went through a major mind fuck and it was the most horrible experience that it’s even hard to describe.

How did you pull yourself out of it?? This was when you were in Taiwan or the UK?

I’ve had some bouts of depression while in Taiwan but nothing I’d call a massive episode yet.

[quote=“necroflux”]How did you pull yourself out of it?? This was when you were in Taiwan or the UK?

I’ve had some bouts of depression while in Taiwan but nothing I’d call a massive episode yet.[/quote]

I’ve always dabbled in chemicals (E, K, Herb, and huge amounts of The Columbian Candy) later in my twenties. Came with the territory of working in clubs over time. Except when I got here, I tried to stay away and then landed flat on my ass. There were a lot of people talkin’ smack that I wanted to smash yet I kept going. Those same people drove me completely over the edge. I had to conform to the idiocy of what Taiwan for expats is.

The Episode, I’m talking about was so fuckin profound to me that it disturbs me to this day. It took good people and extra special friends to make me crawl out of it. It was disgusting. When I think of my past, I think of embarrassment and severe creepiness.

Take the lesson, leave the rest behind. Guilt doesn’t help.

What Jaboney said. Why beat yourself up for getting into the situation? Praise yourself for getting out of it is the way to go.

when I was in my first year of uni (which was a long time after I first left home) I got major depression, bordering on a breakdown…

Like the OP, I was doing loads of drugs; moreover I wasn’t happy with my course or the place I was studying at, though I had loads of mates and had some very memorable friendships which I regret having to lose.

Perpetual comedown from lots of dodgy, cheap e, continual paranoia and associated psychosis from that chemically maced-up weed, alcholism… I read being and nothingness at the same time. Quite a trip. I was fucking depressed. A bore to be around (except when I was off my tits and would shut up) or happened on some kind of equilibrium.

Contrary to most advice, I took it all seriously and made some big decisions and made some big changes.

The following couple of years were the best in my life.

You take your pills, have your trips and you learn your lessons.

Hopefully you listen to yourself and make the changes to yourself or the environment and things get better.

I learned. I’m grateful for it.

Anyone living overseas for long periods of time will have their “ups” and “downs.” This is normal and it’s what makes life interesting. After the honeymoon period of living in new overseas locales ends (usually after 6 months or so after arriving) I think some people can get a little “down in the dumps” when they realize that things can be a challenge wherever you live in the world. Its important to eat well, get regular exercise, get some sunshine, lean on friends and family when you need to, and look at your long-term goals.

It really helps to have mentors. Wise, experienced, stable people who are generous enough to lend support in a crisis, or help you change directions when you’re off course.

I have three mentors in my life, and try to do what I can to serve as a mentor to others when and if they want help.

The difficulty for many people is in finding a mentor. I think this is a particular problem when you live overseas and either don’t speak the local language or have trouble finding someone who can understand your cultural background, which has such a huge impact on how you think.

Since there are so many seasoned people posting on Forumosa, I’ve often wondered if we ought to create some sort of mentoring program, to pair the seasoned folks who are generous enough to want to help with the younger folks who may be in need of a bit of guidance. I can think of a dozen people off the top of my head who would be phenomenal mentors. Many of them already are (mentors), though we might not see that in a public forum.

I think I just had my 19th Nervous Breakdown a couple of three days ago. The main point is to keep breathing. Let not the sensations run amok. Build a tower, with a wall. Keep Central Command supplied with ample logistics.
“Find someone who’s turning, and you will come around…”
Bach always works wonders for me.

I am pretty sure I talked to you, Monster, back in the day on Yahoo’s Taiwan Chat. I remember being struck with the thought that you seemed really lonely, besides the chemical fuckery. I also remember later when I ran across one of your posts on here.

It really does sound that your life is better now, with sustainable, meaningful activities. I’m glad to see that. Don’t live in the past. Frankly, there doesn’t seem to be as much there for you as opposed to the present (I keep hearing about your smoking hot girlfriend). :wink:

Cool post man

Yes, I just had a period where my very aura seemed to dissipate around me. I would be dishonest to say that I was completely out already, however, it’s been a difficult climb, and made so much more possible with the hand of people who really care about you. Sometimes what do don’t want to hear is what you need to hear. Society in Taiwan is hellbent on breeding a nation of barcodes, and resistance is futile if it’s your only proposed solution. If you don’t accept others, you make it difficult for others to find acceptance in you.

I’ll let you be and you let me be me

I respect you for your bravery and honesty about your difficult time, and I am glad you found your way out of it.
There is few things that scare me more then mental illness, I am glad the only time it has effected me was 10 long minutes of insanity a few years ago, in which I managed to storm myself into a shower, fully clothed and then returning to my room a soaked and blabbering wreck. It was only 10 minutes, but it really spurred me to be careful of my inner state.

[quote=“Tomas”]It really helps to have mentors. Wise, experienced, stable people who are generous enough to lend support in a crisis, or help you change directions when you’re off course.

I have three mentors in my life, and try to do what I can to serve as a mentor to others when and if they want help.

The difficulty for many people is in finding a mentor. I think this is a particular problem when you live overseas and either don’t speak the local language or have trouble finding someone who can understand your cultural background, which has such a huge impact on how you think.

Since there are so many seasoned people posting on Forumosa, I’ve often wondered if we ought to create some sort of mentoring program, to pair the seasoned folks who are generous enough to want to help with the younger folks who may be in need of a bit of guidance. I can think of a dozen people off the top of my head who would be phenomenal mentors. Many of them already are (mentors), though we might not see that in a public forum.[/quote]

I hope this happens. I could have used a mentor badly while in Taiwan. It would have helped just to have someone to have a beer with and tell them what is XYZ, could you tell me a few ABC’s. Options is what makes life enjoyable. I know there are some perceptive posters here who could give great perceptions/advice.

As for the nervous breakdown, never had one in the clinical term, but I’ve had a few moments in the dark night of the soul… Sandman and Stu have it right, drop the guilt and praise yourself. And if you have people that want to be in your life, then you are a rich man indeed.

Of all the people I know, given his external circumstances, it’s surprising that Monster should have a nervous breakdown. On the outside, he seems to have the things that most other guys want - he has the material things (and I do not necessarily mean money, though he does have a very nice apartment overlooking the sea) that other guys dream about. Objectively, what does Monster have to complain about? But internal demons are internal demons, and you can have, as David Byrne once put it, “You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife, and say to yourself, my god!”…what does it all mean?! A great dog and a great girlfriend do not always equal happiness, eh?

M0NSTER complains about shit to others the same way others complain to him; to pass time while drinking.

I’m not going through an episode now. I was referring to a rough patch I had up in Taipei a couple of years ago. When I came to Taiwan, I was going through a mourning period, tried to relax, went wild and turned myself into a sort of ultra paranoid creature due to drug abuses. When my friends stepped in or left, I began to realize what sort of person I became. I didn’t like that person I had become and went right down the gutter mourning the death of the old me or whatever I thought the old me was.

Now I’m here in Tainan and doing much better. I have learned to enjoy people and myself again.