New long distance relationship gone quiet

Hey guys
Help me out here.
I’m based in the U.K. And started a new job in July, a girl was covering the role from head office in Taiwan, she was in the U.K. For 8 weeks but I only had 2 weeks overlap.
My focus was on settling in and learning and nothing else, I have a long term partner, she showed me the ropes and we clicked so well, I was sad to see her leave.
We have to email due to work and we began to talk in general, then I added her on FB and we spoke some more through the weekend when we wasn’t at work, it just got more and more intense, I knew what I felt but didn’t know about her, I just came out and asked why do we talk, she immediately replied why does there need to be a reason which soon put me back in my box, I admitted I liked her and after more conversation she in not so many words said “ok” to concede she felt the same, we carried on happy but she was so busy at work and I felt she had gone a bit cold, I took a few days out, eventually 5 days went by without her contacting so I told her that I was disappointed that she cared so little and I had decided that without knowing what her intentions are I couldn’t keep building on something with no idea if she felt the same, she told me she had feelings for me, this was Saturday morning, we spoke through the day and then from Sunday she ignored me, I messaged a few times and by Monday i realised there was something wrong.
She wouldn’t even reply at work, come Wednesday she apologised for ignoring me and said we can’t speak until this calms down as she can’t deal with “strange feelings” and things happen in her life and all she can do is message me and that’s not what she wants, I agreed to allow time to pass before we try to be friends, knowing there would be no meaningful relationship from uk and TW.
I contacted her today see how she’s doing, she ignored me, I asked if it was too soon, she ignored me so I told her that this whole thing was a stupid idea, we don’t want to ignore each other we don’t want to be friends and we should try and give it a go as difficult as it may be, she ignored that too but did read the message and I know she feels the same.
How do I get around her attempts to be sensible about things and to just embrace what her heart actually wants and that it’s worth following the difficult path in life for what it is she truly wants.
By the way she also has a boyfriend, although she says she’s not sure he’s the one and it didn’t affect this process so far, although I’m mindful of the moral compass, but I think that’s more triggered by my circumstances than being guilty of her own.

Forget it, man. Move on. Apologise for the strange feelings, keep the relationship strictly professional from now on and let it be known that your intentions are not to persue any kind of romantic relationship with her.

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If she’s doing this kind of drama before you even have a relationship, imagine what it’d be like if you actually did have a relationship.

Run, Forrest, run.

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Excuse me. HE asks “why do we talk” and HE says he likes her, and HE “knows she feels the same” even though she says nothing, and SHE’S the one with the drama?

I don’t think so. The OP sounds very young and very immature. Sorry, OP, nothing personal. But it’s all rather stalkerish. If she wanted to talk to you, she would contact you, or at least respond enthusiastically when you do. What we have here is you failing to pick up on a very, very broad hint. Leave her alone.

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Reading it again, you’re right. I do think she was stringing him along (‘strange feelings’ etc) but yeah, he comes across as a bit naive, desperate, and yes stalkerish. As you said: leave her alone.

I would probably just stop there and be glad that at least one person involved is trying to be sensible.

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Mistake.

(Adam Savage voice) “Well there’s your problem.”

Let her go. Learn and grow.

Hey guys
It’s not all one sided, she too has admitted she has feelings for me and as I said became sensible at the point she said it’s difficult to deal with strange feelings because all she can do is message me.
My interpretation being that she wants this to progress but understands the difficulties involved and is trying to call it quits, but none the less has intention.
I’m not being naive or immature but of course that’s ones individual opinion - as for stalkerish, if you don’t pursue something how would it happen?
Do you all sit back in life and wait for things to come to you? If you do, maybe you should think about getting up and making it happen.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, I’ll definitely give it some thought!

you are in a long term relationship, she has a boyfriend, you are living in uk and she in taiwan?

dude what realm of existence are you living in? you don’t even have anything with this girl. come back to reality.

if you want to date a taiwanese girl move to taiwan, there are plenty.

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[quote]
New long distance relationship gone quiet[/quote]
:eek:

You’ve got to be kidding.

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It was purely for descriptive purposes

Let me help with your “interpretation”. She doesn’t want this to progress. She has never given any indication that she wants it to “progress”.

Be like Elsa, now. Let it go.

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Iron Lady that is the second comment you made signalling you know it all but we’re incorrect on both occasions.
You must have skim read my post and not identified that she stated she had feelings for me.
Further conversations from the above have revealed that the problem is that there are feelings there but things cannot progress, again proving your comments to be incorrect, they were also frankly offensive and useless.
Perhaps as a moderator you should pride yourself on being helpful as that’s usually a useful trait of being in your position.
For those with any interest I shall not pursue this “situation” any more as it probably is the most sensible thing to do even if both parties would like it to progress, the obstacles involved are too great.
Iron Lady you may continue to return to your TV to learn more one liners which aren’t as comical as you hoped

she probably just wanted a fling, or even just flirting… but you ruined even that with your stalkerish behaviour and talk of feelings.

I wouldn’t say ironlady’s comments were useless, unless you want this sort of situation to repeat over and over.

I skimmed your post originally and then read it a bit more carefully in light of her comments.

There’s a fuzzy line between confident pursuit and creepiness, and it does sound like you crossed it. If someone is ignoring you and responding to your questions with single-word answers (or not replying at all), that doesn’t signal “I’m interested, but try harder”. It means “go away and stop bothering me”.

This.

This.

Frankly, given the whole story, I don’t trust your claiming that this girl “had feelings” to start up some long-distance relationship with a foreigner (or anyone, for that matter), OP. I doubt she did, or IF she did, I doubt they were the type of “feelings” you believed were there or wanted to be there. I also believe you have little or no concept of the differences between “dating” and “being in a relationship” for Taiwanese girls and Westerners, as a general thing.

You’re still holding on to the (I believe wrong) idea that “both parties” want this to progress. If saying it’s just impossible makes you feel better about letting the whole thing go, then great, use that excuse. At least we agree that you’re taking the right action in the end, which is to do nothing.

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How old are you ? just asking

Personal opinion man,
I think you deserve better. Also, I think if she wanted to face the challenges in life to make this workout for you two, she would ask for your help, and ask for your advice how to go about it, for example, tangible planning as in when you’ll meet next and how to go from longdistance to shortdistance and longterm. Most personal thing I can say is don’t try to save her from something she hasn’t asked you for help with. Also, don’t be so unfair to the person you’re currently with. Split with her before you consider pursuing another one.

I’m a firm believer in pursuing love, but love is a two way encounter, and if shes running away dont struggle against her