So I’m watching movie previews today and all of a sudden it dawns on me: A really sweet movie idea! I want to write this super cool story about a white guy who goes to India and finds out that he’s really Buddha reincarnated! I want to call it “The last Buddha”. I mean, the Last of the Mohicans was white, which I’m sure the Native Americans loved. The Last Samurai was white - Japanese people must have been so thrilled. Hell he’s not just white, The Last Samurai was Tom freakin’ Cruise. I’m not sure if it’s a true story, but either way what an honor for the Japanese people. And the “chosen one” in the Forbidden Kingdom is - you guessed it - white! He’s the only one who can save the Asians with his 4 months of poorly acquired martial arts skills.
What other “the last of (insert ethnic group) is actually a white guy who eventually shows them how to regain their glory by being a better (insert ethnic group) than they are” type movies can we make?? It could be like a game of assimilating other cultures by making movies pretending we secretly dominate them! This could be fun!
Don’t forget that we should have India still have a king, and we should cast not only Indians to play Indians, but also some other Asians, and maybe some Mexicans (I’d add Yul Brynner to play the king if he were still around), since they all look the same anyway.
hahaha unbelievable, the movie HAS been made… with Keneau Reeves nonetheless… brilliant! And yes, Dances with Wolves… the granddaddy of them all I suppose…
Ok, new idea – let’s do Journey to the West, with Jet Li as the Monkey King, and add Jackie Chan no less. Their first pairing ever! Fantastic martial arts scenes, and oh, wait… don’t we have to magically insert a white teenager from the U.S. to save the day in the middle of all this, so the movie doesn’t look too, er, ASIAN ?
Oh yeah, I almost forgot - karate kid part 2! Daniel Son DOMINATED that Japanese village, after he showed them who’s boss by punching through a shitload of ice and later beating up the gang leader.
Back before his, er, public relations problems, I used to think that Michael Jackson would make an excellent Buddha. In a movie, I mean.
I know, I know–Buddha wasn’t black (or whatever Michael is), but if you imagine that quivering voice of his saying “All is suffering…” Anyway, can’t you just see it?
