Nosy compliments?

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

Okay, I just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this or if it’s just me.

I’m a white girl recently married to a Taiwanese man. As background, he’s pretty heavily tattooed so in general, people avoid talking to him. BUT! When he is with me, anywhere we go people will ask him about me. I can’t understand much Chinese, but every place inevitably says I’m pretty, asks if I’m from Europe or specifically from France, or asks how old I am or something like that. One lady in a store actually told my husband approvingly that I have a nice body. What is with that??? Uncomfortable! Completely random people, like other store patrons, feel that it is totally okay to interrupt our conversation to ask him if I’m French. One lady, a waitress, kept saying I’m pretty, and then told my husband that I’m French and I am a student. He said, “no, she’s American and she’s my wife” and the lady dropped her jaw. To make it weirder, I am not super pretty, though I am a bit odd looking. Also I am not even a little French, though I get that in the US too.

I’m sensible that people are complimenting me but I start to feel like my husband is walking around with a cute puppy instead of a wife. It’s normal to compliment someone’s puppy in front of them, it feels strange that they do the same thing to me. It’s really foreign to my experience. I just wanted to know, do other people have the same issue? How do you take it, annoying or flattering, or both?

2

It’s normal in Taiwan for people to talk about you right in front of you. Just be thankful they’re being complimentary - they will be equally frank if they think you are ugly or fat.
And just like most foreign guys think most of the Taiwanese women they meet are gorgeous, even though to the Taiwanese most of these same women would be considered average or worse, the foreigner gets the ‘exotic’ advantage: you have white skin, big eyes with a double eyelid, a prominent nose, non-black (I’m assuming) hair, and fairly large breasts, plus you’re tall - all highly desirable, but uncommon, traits in Taiwan, so to them you look better than you do to the average Westerner, who is used to such traits.

3

That was a good post.

Yes it was.

She made such a good post. Yes she did. She’s a good poster.

4

Take it as flattering, because that’s the bet you’ll get. And calling you French instead of American: that’s a HUGE compliment. For the rest of us, we’re ALL MeiGuoRen. All the time, even when we’re not from America at all.

Anyway, how can we make a valid judgement without pictures?

Oh, and welcome to forumosa. You’ll soon get the hang of insults if you wait around here long enough.

Yes, she’s a good poster, Doc.

5

[quote=“urodacus”]Take it as flattering, because that’s the bet you’ll get. And calling you French instead of American: that’s a HUGE compliment. For the rest of us, we’re ALL MeiGuoRen. All the time, even when we’re not from America at all.

Anyway, how can we make a valid judgement without pictures?

Oh, and welcome to forumosa. You’ll soon get the hang of insults if you wait around here long enough.

Yes, she’s a good poster, Doc.[/quote]

Perhaps you get called MeiGuoRen a lot but for me hardly ever. Most in Taipei have evolved out of that stereotyping (foreigners and Taiwanese both) these days; in my experience anyway. Perhaps you are what they imagine an American to look like. Around 22 years ago on my first trip here they said that a lot but I haven’t heard that “MeguoRen” thing for about 3 years. However I have heard “Ingwen Ren” from a small child.

6

[quote=“urodacus”]Take it as flattering, because that’s the bet you’ll get. And calling you French instead of American: that’s a HUGE compliment. For the rest of us, we’re ALL MeiGuoRen. All the time, even when we’re not from America at all.

Anyway, how can we make a valid judgement without pictures?

Oh, and welcome to forumosa. You’ll soon get the hang of insults if you wait around here long enough.

Yes, she’s a good poster, Doc.[/quote]

You’re BOTH right, why, she’s a heck of a poster.

I wonder if she’s trying to say in some Roundabout way, and forgive me if I’m kind of Close to the Edge here, or you think maybe she’s kind of Fragile, that she’s the Owner of a Lonely Heart?
Sorry for the Drama.

Ah, I feel much better now.

7

That’s normal for here. I used to be married to a Taiwanese man. My ex had long hair and usually a mustache and goatee. He also had much darker skin, even in winter, than most Taiwanese.

Everyone who saw him when we were together simply assumed that he was Japanese. In fact, the assumption was so strong that at times other Taiwanese could not even understand his Mandarin! My ex is a native Mandarin speaker. People just could not get past the foreigner standing beside him!

But that had NEVER happened to him before we were together, and it never happened when he was alone. It was a little funny sometimes when he came across someone who would speak Japanese to him, because he could speak a little, too, and he’d use Japanese to tell them that he was Taiwanese and to speak to him in Mandarin. Just blew people’s tiny little minds.

I don’t know about the French thing. When I first came here, in 99 (glorious pre-ex days), everyone seemed to think I was Italian. I have no idea why. I’m not even a tiny bit Italian. But that hasn’t happened now in ages. Anyway, people need so much to put you into some kind of box, else they have no understanding of you at all and that feels to scarry.

The one thing my ex used to get asked about all the time was what kind of food I cook!

Welcome to Forumosa.

8

Yes,

This happens to me all the time. Just yesterday at the market, the guys I bought some plates off were tellling me how great my husband must be to to and pick me up from my country (he didn’t, and he wasn’t with me at the time of this conversation, either). It’s just too far out of people’s mindset to accept that a young, single girl would live in Taiwan several years without any family and then marry someone and stay here for love. People assume I am from Eastern Europe and ask my husband how much he paid and how can they get one, too? Once in Xijr, a group of guys started clapping and telling my husband how wonderful he is for being able to buy me. When they found out I am from New Zealand, their jaws dropped, and then my husband told them, he didn’t even have to pay!

Overall, I find it OK. People are curious and generally well-meaning. They usually assume I don’t speak Chinese so don’t direct conversation to me if I am with my husband. Once we get talking, I can usually push people through all that false complimenting and have a real good chat. Sometimes, it turns out the wife is from somewhere else, too, and we can compare notes on living in Taiwan. It’s the ones that refuse to believe anything I tell them that make me lose patience. You know, when they ask a question, you tell them an answer, and they say, no, it’s not like that, even though it’s about you.

9

Good post, OP. :thumbsup: And welcome to Forumosa. I’m also a huge prog-rock fan who’s married to a local.

I also get a lot of compliments from locals when I’m out with my better half. People always talk about how “tall and handsome” I am. My wife will counter with, “He used to have more hair.” They’ll admit, “Yes, he’s going bald, haha, that’s true!” My wife will add, “And he’s putting on some weight.” They concur, “A little fat. Yes. He is American?” . . . the conversation goes on and on.

If the other people have a small child, I try to strike up a conversation with him/her. At least I can show off my limited Mandarin, and try to steer the conversation back to more compliments about ME, which is where it all began. If there is no child, or dog to play with, it’s best to smile and nod a lot. Pretend you understand what they are saying . . . If they laugh, you laugh. :roflmao: If they look concerned, you look concerned. :neutral:

Sorry to hear that people think you are French. They don’t mean it as an insult, but I understand how you must feel. It could be that beret you are wearing, or perhaps it’s the red wine and long bread you’re carrying. Maybe your hairy armpits are throwing them off . . . or the fact that you’re holding hands with your husband (romantic people do stuff like that). Do you wear a necklace of garlic or onions? That might give them the impression that you’re French. Anyway, it’s a shame the way Taiwanese people stereotype, but you’re gonna hafta get used to it if you live here. :neutral:

You could try to look more American. I suggest you get an American-flag T-shirt or tattoo, and you should carry a large ice cream cone wherever you go . . . Comment on the obvious in a loud voice . . .

I hope this helps.

10

I like zender’s post for entertainment value :smiley:

I’m not married yet, but I have a TW boyfriend. The difference, I suppose, is that we speak in Chinese, so I get all of these comments directed TO me, instead of to him. Occasionally they’ll ask him something about me ‘Where’s she from?’, and he says ‘She speaks Chinese, ask her!’ which… I just realised… is terribly lovely.

I used to get the French remark (English, but actually look a little French, so OK) and still get it sometimes, but now I tend to get ‘You mixed? You Taiwanese?’ alot. One lady gave me The Look when I told her I wasn’t mixed, and replied with ‘Don’t lie. You’re obviously mixed.’

People comment, and they’re curious. This being a culture where saying ‘Hey, you got fatter!’ to your friend is completely normal and acceptable, it’s just what they do. They’re not viewing you as property, or trying to make you feel like a puppy dog; if you spoke Chinese, they’d say the same things, but direct them at you instead of him.

There is a benefit to it. As my boyfriend said: “Taiwan’s a totally different country when I go out with you - everyone’s smiling!” As foreigners I think that we generally get to see the best side of Taiwan… though we have to put up with a lot of curiousity, at least it usually comes with a smile :slight_smile:

Fenlander - I love that ingwen ren!!! :smiley: My pet hate is “Meiguoren?” “no, Yingguoren” “Ah, Yingguo? You guys speak Yingwen?” = ="

11

[quote=“asiababy”]

Overall, I find it OK. People are curious and generally well-meaning. They usually assume I don’t speak Chinese so don’t direct conversation to me if I am with my husband. Once we get talking, I can usually push people through all that false complimenting and have a real good chat. Sometimes, it turns out the wife is from somewhere else, too, and we can compare notes on living in Taiwan. It’s the ones that refuse to believe anything I tell them that make me lose patience. You know, when they ask a question, you tell them an answer, and they say, no, it’s not like that, even though it’s about you.[/quote]

Good advice.

Obviously the ravings of a deranged person.

12

It’s good to mess with them though.

“Are you French?” “Do I smell that bad!?!?”
“Are you American?” “Am I really that fat!?!”
“Are you English?” “Am I really that ugly!?!”

etc…

FREAKS them out. Awesome fun.

(Yes, I know, don’t poke the locals for my own entertainment. Like none of you have.)

13

[quote=“the chief”][quote=“urodacus”]Take it as flattering, because that’s the bet you’ll get. And calling you French instead of American: that’s a HUGE compliment. For the rest of us, we’re ALL MeiGuoRen. All the time, even when we’re not from America at all.

Anyway, how can we make a valid judgement without pictures?

Oh, and welcome to forumosa. You’ll soon get the hang of insults if you wait around here long enough.

Yes, she’s a good poster, Doc.[/quote]

You’re BOTH right, why, she’s a heck of a poster.

I wonder if she’s trying to say in some Roundabout way, and forgive me if I’m kind of Close to the Edge here, or you think maybe she’s kind of Fragile, that she’s the Owner of a Lonely Heart?
Sorry for the Drama.

Ah, I feel much better now.[/quote]

I’m afraid this all went a bit over my head…

Thank you everyone for your welcome and responses! That whole conversation about good poster, insults, whatever, confused me terribly so I will just say thank you if those were real compliments, and ignore them if they weren’t.

Ha, Zender, your wife sounds charming, awfully cute. My husband doesn’t really like to talk to people he doesn’t know, and he generally greets compliments about me with silence and a sneaky smile that most people probably can’t see. Even if I understand I make innocent eyes like I have no idea what’s going on and smile, because I feel awkward. So I guess I do the opposite of your advice.

Housecat, my husband gets mistaken for a non-Taiwanese too! I don’t know what he looks like but even people will just randomly act like they can’t understand him when he’s with me, and keep talking to him in English. I think he’s been out of Taiwan for a total of a month and a half his whole life thus far! I like that they ask you what kind of food you cook. I really really wonder about the thought process behind that question of a stranger.

Asiababy, people applauding and asking where to buy one of you, that is totally crazy. The closest I came to something like that was actually in New York, with my ex who was about six inches shorter than me. Some guy looked at me then said “that’s my man, you a playa” to my then boyfriend and gave him a fist bump.

14

[quote=“Yes”]
I’m sensible that people are complimenting me but I start to feel like my husband is walking around with a cute [strike]puppy instead of a[/strike] wife. [/quote]
Fixed. Thats all there is to it!! Enjoy the compliments, let your husband say better things about you in return, its a win-win for everyone!

Welcome here!!!

15

It’s normal, if you were to be fat they just say you’re fat and ask why you’re fat …

16

No they don’t JUST say, they tug at your fattest part, or poke or rub or whatever…They make you feel your own fat, just in case you didn’t know it existed.

Wrong on second count too, they don’t just ASK you, they Tell you why you are fat!

17

Belgian Pie has a handsome nose.

18

[quote=“Yes”] I can’t understand much Chinese, but every place inevitably says I’m pretty, asks if I’m from Europe or specifically from France, or asks how old I am or something like that. One lady in a store actually told my husband approvingly that I have a nice body. What is with that??? Uncomfortable! Completely random people, like other store patrons, feel that it is totally okay to interrupt our conversation to ask him if I’m French. One lady, a waitress, kept saying I’m pretty, and then told my husband that I’m French and I am a student. He said, “no, she’s American and she’s my wife” and the lady dropped her jaw. To make it weirder, I am not super pretty, though I am a bit odd looking. Also I am not even a little French, though I get that in the US too.
[/quote]

They probably think you are French or European if you don’t dress in the way they think Americans do. And Taiwanese have become very status conscious. French are pretty much the highest class of foreigners around followed by the Japanese, other Europeans, brits, and American bringing up the rear of the first class department. So they are being safe by saying you are French. It is assumed that you will take it as a compliment, not that you are actually French necessarily.

As for your nice body, she probably said

Nide shencai henhao.

It basically means that you have a nice figure–i.e. you are in shape and not fat. It is not specifically referring to, well, you know…

I think all these compliments are actually friendly and are for the benefit of your husband. Foreign-man Taiwanese-woman couple are a dime a dozen. But Taiwanese-man Foreign-woman couple are still a bit unusual although I’m happy to say their numbers are increasing. So your husband has won one for the home team so to speak and the fact that you are at least presentable (i’m sure you’re much prettier than you are letting on) is something to cheer about. It’s all good fun.

Wait till you have a kid!

19

I once asked a taxi driver why he thought I was French. He replied, “Well, you’re not tall.”

20

Jesus! Don’t tell my wife! She had to pay very nearly NT$7,500 to get hitched to me.