Off the wall solutions to Israel et al

In an effort to redirect energies–and just to see what kind of hair-brained ideas are out there–what sort of ideas–NO MATTER HOW SILLY OR PIE-IN-SKY–are out there for solving the Israel/ Palastine issue?

Way back when, a Saudi king, I believe it was, opposed the creation of Israel in the Middle East, arguing that if it was necessary to establish a Jewish homeland to provide security (in the wake of the Holocaust), then it should have been carved out of Germany. Uh, ok. Would that have worked? I imagine that it might have shaped up as another Switzerland: a population that’s armed to the teeth and largely aloof from the neighbours.

Tom Clancy solved the issue in one of his novels by turning Jerusalem over to a triumvirate of Jewish, Islamic, and Christian religious leaders–with three overlapping legal systems–under the protection of the Pope, Swiss guards, and backed up by a US division. Uh… not likely.

There are actual, historical examples around. Any that provide a framework, NO MATTER HOW SILLY?


No one? Not one bite? :laughing:

Ok. Here’s another one: a video game.

Here’s one solution. It appears to be official U.S. policy:

Make life so miserable and oppressive for anyone born within the boundaries of the ancient land of Israel who isn’t Jewish that they leave. Any non-Jews who won’t leave will be forcibly removed. Any surrounding Arab countries which try to intervene will be invaded and colonized by a powerful but dumb “friend” whose gullible population will be tricked into believing they themselves are about to be attacked by that Arab country.

This will take about 60 years and a lot of blood will unavoidably have to be shed because the non-Jews won’t give in easily. After about 100 years of this as the status quo though everyone will forget it ever happened and live happily ever after.


And another: see musician and conductor Daniel Barenboim’s 2006 Reith Lectures.

i’ll play.

put israel in NATO and the EU. both are steadily expanding east. looks like israel is going for the destruction of lebanon and will put in a puppet (ala the US in iraq/afghanistan). that’ll leave but one nation (syria) from israel being contiguous from NATO/EU land.

what happens if israel is part of NATO and it is attacked? all the member states are vowed to come to its aid.

or…let chinese know about the benefits of being jewish such as the gifted israeli passport. the jewish population dilema will be solved as 100,000s of thousands sinitic jews exercise their inherent right-of-return.

I would like to see a major anti-terror grass-root movement started somewhere in the Arab world that unites all people who want to see an end to terrorism and war, that helps to cut off support of terror organizations, that puts pressure on local governments, and that forces Israel to make more concessions during negotiations with the Palestinians and neighboring countries for the sake of a peaceful Middle East.

A charismatic Arab leader (Ghandi-style) could come in handy (must be able to stay alive for some years, though)

Yeah, right. As if that is going to ever happen…

Just a point of reference in all this.

During the 19th century, many Jews were in fact nihilists and they engaged in terrorist activities against the Tsar, etc.

Then, during World War II, many nations in Europe, many formerly considered some of its most civilized, most notably Germany and Italy and Austria turned into a bunch of savage little basket cases.

Naturally, during the 20th century: communism was the biggest “terror” organization.

And during the second half of the 20th century, many Asian and Latin American nations descended into savagery with nasty tit-for-tat killings and massive murders of the wrong sort of class or ethnic groups.

Now, this problem has come to the Middle East and we know how to solve the problem since we have solved the problem in other areas. We must overthrow the key leaders who believe in using terror or box them in. Gradually, the problem will go away before popping up in other unexpected places.

I predict that besides the usual mass murders in Africa that the next place for terror and the associated violence and mindless savagery will occur will once again be in … Europe.

Given the drunken louts who populate the plain of anomie without families whose days are spent watching TV when not spending their hard earned dollars or those from the dole on beer, I expect the next such mass savagery to erupt in the suburbs of England, Germany, France, the Netherlands and elsewhere.

How’s that for “off the wall” speculation?

I would add, very unfortunately, Spain to that list of countries about to do a downward spiral.

Build a thousand mile high wall around the middle east and let nobody out until they sort their problems.

Give Israel Greenland. The people who live on Greenland probably won’t mind too much.

Become omniescent and tell them all in a big booming voice to stop fighting or else.

How’d I do?

The original Star Trek series had an episode about two planets that had been at war for 500 years. To spare themselves of the chaos and destruction of war, they came to an agreement that all attacks and their resulting casualties would be determined by computer.

I think this is a great approach to the never-ending Arab - Israeli conflict. The region would be stable, and would eventually thrive. It would be safe for tourists because, unlike the Star Trek episode, only residents and citizens would be listed as casualties.

The only downside is that every now and then x number of people would have to report to suicide booths, but Muslims should enjoy that aspect.

Take away all the arsenel and give them paint guns.

Do what they are doing in London. Sneak watergun attacks.

Make them move to a new place by going thru the desert without a Moses.

The solution would actually be very simple. Offer to pay the Palestinian people to vacate the Occupied Territories using the billions the U.S. is paying in foreign aid and the cost of occupying Iraq. This “moving allowance” would be paid for the next twenty years and then stop.

My calculations are each Palestinian person would receive about $10,000 per year for the next twenty years.

It’s the carrot rather than the stick approach.

[quote]The solution would actually be very simple. Offer to pay the Palestinian people to vacate the Occupied Territories using the billions the U.S. is paying in foreign aid and the cost of occupying Iraq. This “moving allowance” would be paid for the next twenty years and then stop.

My calculations are each Palestinian person would receive about $10,000 per year for the next twenty years.

It’s the carrot rather than the stick approach.[/quote]

Brilliant idea Spook, and one that would finally end an outflow of cash not just to Israel, but Jordan and Egypt. Who will take the Palestinians though? Everywhere they have gone they have been nothing but trouble. Most Arab nations would rather shoot them than accept them. I guess that leaves the civilized world. We are of course assuming that the Palestinians will suddenly be willing to leave the land that they claim to love so much (I have a feeling 99 percent would accept the offer), but who will take the 3 million Palestinians? How about 1 million to Europe, 1 million to the Anglo countries of Australia, NZ, Canada, US and 1 million to the other Arab nations. The decision as to who goes where will be made by lottery.

Thanks for your support and encouragement, Fred. Don’t be so negative though. It’s like I tell my wife all the time: “you got a better idea?”

Here’s our first customer . . .

"Dear Friends,

For the past forty years we have been largely alone on this desert fighting a predator that not only has robbed us of all but a small piece of our historic homeland, but threatens the traditions and holy sites of Christianity. We are tired, weary, sick, and wounded. We need your help. . . . "

The Rt. Rev. Riah H. Abu El-Assal
Anglican Bishop in Jerusalem

Friday’s ramble:
I was thinking something on the same line as spook. Take 1/2 of the $3billion+ we give Israel every year and give it to the Palestinians. (Not directly since its proven hardly anyone can be trusted in pass Palestinian govts.) Perhaps get a retired US general that was in the Corp of Engineers that can be the “decider”. Some people can take a one time payoff and run (but where to and what about passports? ~ that would still need to be addressed). Others can rebuild their stores, farms etc.

This would help in two ways, it would give the Arabs something to start from plus it would force the Isrealis to be more conservative with their spending, specifically, keep the money out of AIPAC and any lobbying groups in the US. The Israelis would also be forced to rethink their budget. No more $ spent on hidden nuke activities and arms development. The Israeli arms engineers would have work on any advanced hardware designs in the USA which will keep them from selling US technology to China. Perhaps they can work with the Chinese on pebblebed technology which seems to be very promising (nuke power) or some macro solar power project to harness/resell energy.

The water resource issue (a new article worth reading) would have to be resolved. This is a big dilemma for the Israelis because if they lose control of the water, then they can not make the country 1st world quality. People would have to sacrifice their swimming pools, lawns, clean living, etc. This will in effect make anyone think twice about immigrating. (and Isreali needs the new blood since demographics show the Muslims have a chance to become the majority in 2048. Some talk is a pipeline from Turkey, but it would have to run through Syria so the Israelis would have to make peace (give back the Golan Heights) with them.

The funky part about a Palestine state/country is that it is divided in half which will always be trouble to manage. Perhaps Israel should be non-secular federation. I also remember reading Tom Clancy’s solution and always thought that was a good idea (Jerusalem as a world city). The big catch is the Israelis need to move the dome of the rock so they can rebuild David’s temple to fulfill their prophecy (and perhaps look for the ark of the covenant underneath (or start Armageddon?).

Lastly, if things do not calm down terrorism wise, I would send in Nato troops to put a two security parameters around Mecca. One internal made out of Turkish Muslim troops, the other multinational. If any islamofanatic decides to unleash a Nuke, EMP or dirty bomb in the US or EU, then the Hajj is off limits indefinitely. If retaliation, then Mohammed’s grave in Medina is giving the same treatment. The Saudi’s will of course go nuts and since they own 1/2 of the USA, some resolution would need to be proposed. Sorry, don’t have all the answers (!) today.

You guys think too much…

Crop-dust the entire area with marijuana smoke. Then everyone will just chill out and relax, becoming peaceful and cool. :beatnik:

Then, when everyone is stoned out of their gourds, take all their ammo and put flowers in their gunbarrels. :rainbow:

[quote=“Chris”]Crop-dust the entire area with marijuana smoke. Then everyone will just chill out and relax, becoming peaceful and cool. :beatnik:

Then, when everyone is stoned out of their gourds, take all their ammo and put flowers in their gun barrels. :rainbow:[/quote]

Now that’s the most logical solution I’ve heard.:bravo: But then again you are going to have to make sure that when the troops get the munchies, every thing is kosher and safe for muslims to eat…

I reckon you should get God to come down and sort it all out. It’s all his bloody fault in the first place.

Can you imagine what Heaven is like? You got the Israeli Jews all camped out in what was once Lucifer’s pad. They are pissed cos they want to be closer to God, but he’s partying with the Ethiopians cos he gave them such a bad piece of the earth to dwell on. Then you got the Muslims over in Heaven2. They are planning an offensive on Heaven1 cos God spends more money on manna for those in Heaven1, than Allah (God’s mirror) spends in Heaven2. Though Heaven2 has all the virgins, cos Allah made a bi-lateral agreement with God and he promised Heaven2 could have all the virgins as long as Heaven1 has oil rights to Heaven3. Heaven3 is mostly full of European Christians, and as such they are just happy not to be in Hell.

BTW, why would you want to be promised virgins? Virgins are too ugly to get laid. Man, I’d wanna be promised porn actresses!

I’m waiting for Fred Smith or Tainan Cowboy to weigh in with their usual “let’s just nuke 'em” gung-ho insight…