Oral fixation/Sleeping arrangements

Taiwan Parenting
#1

Our girl is 15 months, so we’re not thinking much about schools yet, though putting things in her mouth (which others just mentioned) is a big concern. . . for my wife anyway. Actually the thing she puts in her mouth most is her hands and my wife was afraid its a sign of emotional distress (I think she read that in a Chinese parenting book and a Taiwanese lady told me that Taiwanese people react that way to it). But I’m not Taiwanese and I think that’s nonsense. As a westerner I’ve been taught that oral fixation is just a normal stage of childhood development, which seems reasonable. Plus, she’s obviously a very healthy, happy child, so if she wants to suck on her hands I don’t see it as a big deal. However, my wife’s second reason for being concerned about the hand-sucking is slightly more rational – she worries about all the germs she’ll eat by playing on the playground then licking her hands. Oh well. So I do my best to pull her hands out of her mouth. No biggie.

One issue that I’ve thought about lately is bed arrangements. We’ve got a large bed and still have our daughter sleeping between us. I like it that way. While it means less spousal intimacy and less ability to sprawl out across the bed, I’m at work all day so I cherish every moment with my child, even if its just lying there sleeping beside her. I think she really enjoys being so close to us also, especially when she wakes up in the morning and then wakes us up to talk and play.

On the other hand, I’d feel guilty sticking her in a crib by herself (though my parents apparently feel we should have done that many months ago) with bars like a jail. I think she’d be lonesome and feel less wanted and close. Sure, she’d adapt, but why force her to adapt to living in a cage by herself. Yes, eventually she’ll need to, but why at such an early age?

How about you? What age do you feel is right for a child to start sleeping alone? If you’ve already kicked him/her out of your bed, wasn’t it hard at first? Didn’t he/she beg to come back in bed with you? Didn’t you feel a little cruel?

#2

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]However, my wife’s second reason for being concerned about the hand-sucking is slightly more rational – she worries about all the germs she’ll eat by playing on the playground then licking her hands.

How about you? What age do you feel is right for a child to start sleeping alone? If you’ve already kicked him/her out of your bed, wasn’t it hard at first? Didn’t he/she beg to come back in bed with you? Didn’t you feel a little cruel?[/quote]

Germs: germs can be good as it helps them build up a healthy immune system. My son is any more prone to illness because he was a firlthy little toddler. :slight_smile: However, we know a lot of anal retentive no germs at all parents whose kids are now overprone to illness, just IMHO.

As for the bed thing. I was against the boy sleeping in our room on a small bed for two years…but mostly because he kept waking me up.
Had his own room when we moved to Ying Ge…three years ago, when he was three and a half. His room is upstairs and if he wakes up early he just comes down and jumps into our bed. No big deal. Cruel…nah.

Some of my students still sleep in their parents room and they’re like 11 years old. I think there’s something wrong with that…

#3

MT, Tiff sleeps between my wife and I, too. She’s a similar age to your daughter. I also enjoy having her in the middle as I generally wake up in the morning and she has one arm draped over my neck and once woken up, is a laugh a minute. While no expert, I think definately before 3, children should have their own beds. The kids that are that age at kindergarten seem too big to be still sleeping with dad and mum.

#4

Zack was born in Pittsburgh and I was all set to have him sleep in a crib in his own room.

That lasted less than one night.

He slept with us until he started first grade or maybe it was his last year of kindergarten.

I see nothing wrong with young children sleeping with their parents. Of course it is a bit crowded… but, heck, Asia is a bit crowded.

I think as western people we worry way too much about kids sleeping with or without us. Certainly, they develope a healthy bond and a good sense of security sleeping with their parents. Zack is well-adapted and my wife and I are still married, happily, after 16 years.

#5

My wife told me we can’t let my two year old boy watch the Teletubbies for awhile. He is acting like the Nu Nu and trying to vacuum things up with his mouth.

#6

I agree. It’s my feeling that kids who sleep with Mom and Dad for too long get to be overly dependent on said Mom and Dad. Just a hunch.

Our son stills jumps into bed with us sometimes, and if either me or my wife is away from home for a night, he sleeps in our bed with the leftover parent.

Last night, in a jr high school class the question of having your own bedroom came up and one of the girls, 12 yrs old, said she and her 10 year old sister sleep in their Mom and Dad’s bedroom. She seemed pretty embarrased by it actually.

I would be too.

I’m not sure how parents can roll in the hay, cut the cheese, or even read in bed with kids in the room all night. Not to mention waking up with the morning salute…

People of all ages need privacy.

#7

[quote=“Richardm”]My wife told me we can’t let my two year old boy watch the Teletubbies for awhile. He is acting like the Nu Nu and trying to vacuum things up with his mouth.[/quote]lol, getting off topic but I’ve trained Tiff to open the fridge, grab a beer, turn on the TV, grab my pillow and lay down with me to watch the footy. My wife is very supportive and impressed by Tiff’s English listening comprehension. I’ve videod it for her 21st :bravo:

#8

Damn… child slavery and all…

It’ a great thing to do things with your kids together.

My son slept in our room but not always in our bed until he was around 3 I guess. It’s quite normal and I wouldnt let other peoples phoibles worry me about sleeping in the same bed as my kids.

Too much paranoia around anyways. Some Chinese thought my son was more like a great friend than a father son relationship. I told them you have to respect that your kids opinions are going to be different from yours.

Better to have life ong friendships with your kids than the coldness of the Yes Sir, Yes Father generation.

#9

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]On the other hand, I’d feel guilty sticking her in a crib by herself (though my parents apparently feel we should have done that many months ago) with bars like a jail. I think she’d be lonesome and feel less wanted and close. Sure, she’d adapt, but why force her to adapt to living in a cage by herself. Yes, eventually she’ll need to, but why at such an early age?

How about you? What age do you feel is right for a child to start sleeping alone? If you’ve already kicked him/her out of your bed, wasn’t it hard at first? Didn’t he/she beg to come back in bed with you? Didn’t you feel a little cruel?[/quote]
Our son slept in a cradle, and then cot in our room until he was about 10 months. He then moved into his own room sleeping in a bed. He didn’t have any problem making the move - partly I think because he had really started to hate the bars on the cot, and so was pleased to be sleeping in a bed (couldn’t care less whether he was in the same room as us, as far as we could tell). We got him a kiddie bed where you could adjust how long it was - but it almost immediately got stretched to full length so either of us could sleep with him if he was having problems sleeping (ill, nightmare, …)

Almost every Taiwanese couple I know have only 1 child … perhaps that’s the reason :laughing:

#10

Our #1 was very oral and clingy and slept with us off and on till 3. #2 was offered the same routine but was much more independednt and was in her own bed much earlier. Kids need to eat dirt and worms and bird poo and old bits of pasta off the floor in order to build an immune system that works. Kids that are kept in sterile antiseptic environments get sick because they have no anti-bodies. ( a bit off topic ~ Maybe that’s why Taiwan has no kids with peanut allergies - they must have expired soon after birth because of all the peanut oil and peanuts in the local environment.)

#11

You can always put the child’s bed next to yours (and at 15 months, she’s old enough to have a real bed, not one of those silly babycages) - this way, she’s still close to you but leaves you more room and privacy.

My son is 13 months old and as he still wakes up 3-5 times at night, I can’t imagine him sleeping anywhere else but in the same bed with me.

According to my friend who’s a dentist, sucking the thumb is ok until the child is 3-4 years old. After that it starts affecting child’s teeth. And JD is right about the germs. My son is a terrible dirt-eater but is also a lot healthier than most other kids of his age.

#12

[quote=“Notsu”]
My son is 13 months old and as he still wakes up 3-5 times at night, I can’t imagine him sleeping anywhere else but in the same bed with me.

According to my friend who’s a dentist, sucking the thumb is ok until the child is 3-4 years old. After that it starts affecting child’s teeth. And JD is right about the germs. My son is a terrible dirt-eater but is also a lot healthier than most other kids of his age.[/quote]

My son was never a thumb sucker…nor did he evolve into a “put everything into his mouth” kind of kid. I don’t remember doing anything special. The again, he was using a pacifier longer than I thought was necessary…2-2.5 yrs old. But one day when we were out, we “forgot” it at home and never returned to it.

Yes, I know, I’m a cruel bastard.

#13

[quote=“jdsmith”] My son was never a thumb sucker…nor did he evolve into a “put everything into his mouth” kind of kid. I don’t remember doing anything special. The again, he was using a pacifier longer than I thought was necessary…2-2.5 yrs old. But one day when we were out, we “forgot” it at home and never returned to it.

Yes, I know, I’m a cruel bastard.[/quote]

My son quit using his pacifier at 11 months. He doesn’t suck his thumb either. But I guess I will have to breastfeed him at nights until he gets married and moves out. :s

#14

We thought so too but #2 decided that Kindergarten would be a bit difficult with mummy there too!

#15

We thought so too but #2 decided that Kindergarten would be a bit difficult with mummy there too![/quote]

We are ok during the daytime, but he wakes up many times at nights and often screams until he gets his milk. I’m just too lazy to spend hours calming him down and walking around the house with him, it’s easier to feed him and fall back asleep in 2 minutes. :s

#16

We never let our kids sleep with us. Once you let them in - it’s really hard to get them out.

Of course, every once in a while one would jump in after having a nightmare, thunder…etc…

We’ve got Irish twins - 13 months apart

#17

Our first child did a little bit of bed sharing when I went back to work. The second had to share out of necessity- we were travelling alot when she was little.
Got pretty used to it. She actually sleeps in a queen size bed- and I just pop in there if she wakes up. Then everyone gets a good nights sleep.

Both our kids are great sleepers and really secure. We will probably bed share when the new baby comes in a few months

#18

Probably? I can’t imagine why a mother wouldn’t sleep with her newborn, so every couple of hours when the baby complains she only has to roll over and whip out a tit rather than having to climb out of bed and go to the crib. You still won’t sleep for a few months, but at least it seems a little easier.

Btw, congratulations. :slight_smile:

#19

Our son is two years and three months old and still sleeps with us. Before he was born we bought a beautiful crib. We ended up using it only for laundry or a toy box!

I’m still breastfeeding at night, too. It’s wonderful sleeping with our son between us. He cuddles my breast until he’s far enough asleep and turns over and cuddles dad’s arm and sleep like that. Usually, he wakes up happy and smiling, trying to tickle us awake. Sometimes he just climbs out of bed and we are woken up by the sounds of him chasing the dog around the room.

I couldn’t stand to make him sleep in a crib as such a tiny baby. He’d been a part of me for so long that I missed him! Plus, I’d never have survived the first three months if I had to get up and go to another room to feed him every two hours! He still nurses sometimes in the night, but I almost never come fully awake.

As far as nookie goes, if that ever happenes, we wait till he’s asleep and go to the other room! It’s not rocket science, but we’re mostly just too tired anyway.

I just read in the paper yesterday that some people fear sleeping with their children will cause them to develope sexual feelings for them, or that the children will feel sexual feelings for their parents! I’ve never heard such up-tight tripe! Of course this info was from America.

#20

Wow, I had no idea we had so many “alternative” parents here! Do you think we’ll scare the “normal” people away??? :laughing:

I want to jump in but there are so many things I want to say, it will take me a while and someone will be calling for me soon.

We’ve done a lot of cosleeping and famiy bedding. I now have my 2 girls in a room of their own, and when the little one wakes to nurse, I just jump in there with them. If I fall asleep in there with them, no biggie.

The boy at 8 yo misses me and would love to have me cuddle him til he sleeps, but we decided at this last birthday that a story and kiss goodnight are enough. There was a time when I wondered if he would nurse til he was in high school, and there were times when I definitely felt like I was being held hostage, but there are a lot of things I did with this boy that I wasn’t able/didn’t know to do with the first, so I try try try to appreciate the fact that he still wants me around!

Someone mentioned the lack of privacy for the parents when kids are in the room with you… you don’t have to make babies in the bedroom. There’s the living room, kitchen, bathroom, etc. And even with a nursling or two, once you get them all down for bed, you have a good two hours at least. Lots of baby dancing time.