Our fast isn't their fast

So. I read somewhere a some time ago that whether a relationship progresses quickly or gradually doesn’t depend so much on the total elapsed time, but rather the progressive order of the “steps”. The assumption is that there are certain steps that are taken in the developing stages of a relationship. A relationship in which some steps are skipped is said to move quickly. A relationship in which steps are in small increments is said to move slowly. Early steps include things covered by simple flirting such as eye-contact, receptive body language, friendly conversation. Later steps would be stuff like intimate conversation, foreplay.

I understand, of course, that these are just generalities, and everybody has a different idea about what the steps would be. Even among the locals of any big city, there are different cultures and subcultures that have different ideas about what the steps would be.

I remember reading of one clear example (maybe it was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?) of how the steps vary in different cultures. In happened that there were many American soldiers stationed in some European country at some time or another. Since many of the local men of the country were away in war, or casualties of the war, many of the local women ended up dating American soldiers. Whether it was a systematic study or just anecdotal evidence, I’m not sure, but an interesting thing was found. Both groups, the local women and the American soldiers, reported that they thought the other group moved the relationships very quickly. Apparently, it came down to a simple mixing of two particular “steps” in the relationship. The American men thought it was appropriate at a certain stage to hold hands. The local women, however, thought that holding hands was a more intimate step that should have come later. By a similar twist, the local women thought it was appropriate at a certain stage to kiss on the cheek. The American men thought this came unexpectedly soon in the relationship. So here both groups were thinking the other was moving things very quickly. You can imagine it led to many fiery relationships and broken hearts.

So now, of course, I want to ask about the situation here with locals and foreigners. I think it’d be too much to ask for a breakdown of your personal view of what steps signify the progression of a relationship, but feel free to answer however you like.

What specific example do you have from your own experience of how intercultural dating has had a mixup of “steps” in the progression of the relationship?

Just last night witnessed at our very own Club Wax. Black guy approaches every asian girl he sees whether with a guy or not, saying he knows Chinese and semi-pulls them away telling them to come with him… then keeps going after them for awhile if they refuse. Process continues until he finds a girl that says yes. And yes, it worked. :loco:

This relationship moves as quickly as it ends.

[quote=“nolza”]Just last night witnessed at our very own Club Wax. Black guy approaches every Asian girl he sees whether with a guy or not, saying he knows Chinese and semi-pulls them away telling them to come with him… then keeps going after them for awhile if they refuse. Process continues until he finds a girl that says yes. And yes, it worked. :loco:

This relationship moves as quickly as it ends.[/quote]

We hired a guy like that at my old adult school. He brought the attendance list home with him and phoned each and every female student asking if they wanted to come over to his house. He also coincidentaly was black…but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence.

In Black people’s defense I met a white guy who’d do the same thing in Taiwan. He lived and taught at a buddist University. :unamused:

I think those examples above are really fast by most anyone’s standards.

I’m wondering if there are any special cases where some action is interpreted as being especially slow or fast due to cultural differences. I’m beginning to think this question is too difficult. There is such a great diversity of people in any modern city that trying to pin down a viewpoint on dating from a cultural perspective is a moot issue.

The lesson here is: get to know each person as an individual, because (one might say) each person is a culture of one. Getting to know someone is seeing that culture which is uniquely theirs.

haha… yeah, it’s not just black people… they’re ones from every color of the rainbow.

I recently read that also somewhere. I wish I could remember.

In Taiwan, it’s boy meets girl. They have lots of coffee and practice how to flirt in another language. Then if the girl thinks that he is suitable, they go on a date with several of her friends. If her friends approve, then they go walking around Zhongxiao road window shopping holding hands. If this goes well, then girl gets him to shop at more difficult and crowed places. Once the poor sap endures all this patiently, then he can get a kiss. But the kiss isn’t a sign that they are progressing toward a relationship, it’s just time for a kiss.
After several weeks of this, the girl may allow him to enter the ‘kingdom’. Once he’s entered the ‘kingdom’, she has the right to call him at all hours of the day/night, inquiring his whereabouts, to which he must answer or she will think the worse. This continues until she decides it’s okay to get married. Then he must meet the parents, who mull over the fact their daughter is marrying outside of the tribe. They have tribal tests to put the man thru. If he passes those, then he and she go get pictures of themselves in rental clothing making poses from an adult version of “Cindrella” story.

Just my .65 nt

a couple weeks?? Damn… ins’t that a little fast?
Even I’M slower than that, and I’m swamp trash.

I don’t want to sound racist but these people are the slowest.

Well, I have seen relationships progress in all different speeds here. I would say that you start getting there when you have sex, and that things are getting there when you live together.

Fastest - in the sack on the second date - slowest 2-3 month courtship before the relationship was consumated.

The sex on 2nd date girl moved in after a week. The slowest one agreed to stay over once in a while after a year.

[quote=“Namahottie”]I recently read that also somewhere. I wish I could remember.

In Taiwan, it’s boy meets girl. They have lots of coffee and practice how to flirt in another language. Then if the girl thinks that he is suitable, they go on a date with several of her friends. If her friends approve, then they go walking around Zhongxiao road window shopping holding hands. If this goes well, then girl gets him to shop at more difficult and crowed places. Once the poor sap endures all this patiently, then he can get a kiss. But the kiss isn’t a sign that they are progressing toward a relationship, it’s just time for a kiss.
After several weeks of this, the girl may allow him to enter the ‘kingdom’. Once he’s entered the ‘kingdom’, she has the right to call him at all hours of the day/night, inquiring his whereabouts, to which he must answer or she will think the worse. This continues until she decides it’s okay to get married. Then he must meet the parents, who mull over the fact their daughter is marrying outside of the tribe. They have tribal tests to put the man through. If he passes those, then he and she go get pictures of themselves in rental clothing making poses from an adult version of “Cindrella” story.

Just my .65 nt[/quote]

Classic :laughing: We have a winner! :wink:

[quote=“Yellow Cartman”][quote=“Namahottie”]I recently read that also somewhere. I wish I could remember.

In Taiwan, it’s boy meets girl. They have lots of coffee and practice how to flirt in another language. Then if the girl thinks that he is suitable, they go on a date with several of her friends. If her friends approve, then they go walking around Zhongxiao road window shopping holding hands. If this goes well, then girl gets him to shop at more difficult and crowed places. Once the poor sap endures all this patiently, then he can get a kiss. But the kiss isn’t a sign that they are progressing toward a relationship, it’s just time for a kiss.
After several weeks of this, the girl may allow him to enter the ‘kingdom’. Once he’s entered the ‘kingdom’, she has the right to call him at all hours of the day/night, inquiring his whereabouts, to which he must answer or she will think the worse. This continues until she decides it’s okay to get married. Then he must meet the parents, who mull over the fact their daughter is marrying outside of the tribe. They have tribal tests to put the man through. If he passes those, then he and she go get pictures of themselves in rental clothing making poses from an adult version of “Cindrella” story.

Just my .65 nt[/quote]

Classic :laughing: We have a winner! :wink:[/quote]

Yep, that’s about the short and skinny of it…

its so true!!! that was in my mind, the archytypical courtship style. can you guys explain what the western style is?

Well in the US, from what I can remember it goes like this. And depends on how it’s done. Let’s work with the easiest=the bar/club scene.

Drunk frat obnoxious boy meets, clevage blessed girl in a night club. They flirt, grind booty all night long while doing shots of whatever is popular. They go home (that’s if both of them are beyond that “he’ll think I’m a slut” shit) and sleep together.
The following morning, the guy gets up, and checks her to see if she passes his ‘test’, does she look as good as she did with the lights on? If so, the numbers get exchanged, and then the dating begins. The woman plans their wedding while he glories in the fact that he has some steady umm, you know. If all goes well within the 1st month or so, they move into together, and he takes up residence on the couch while she mulls over why he isn’t listening to her while the football game is on. If all goes really well, they get married, move to a good neighborhood with good schools, pop out kids and argue over who goes to whose family for Christmas. All the while each other wonder if this is all there is…

My $.02 American cents

Well in the US, from what I can remember it goes like this. And depends on how it’s done. Let’s work with the easiest=the bar/club scene.

Drunk frat obnoxious boy meets, clevage blessed girl in a night club. They flirt, grind booty all night long while doing shots of whatever is popular. They go home (that’s if both of them are beyond that “he’ll think I’m a slut” shit) and sleep together.
The following morning, the guy gets up, and checks her to see if she passes his ‘test’, does she look as good as she did with the lights on? If so, the numbers get exchanged, and then the dating begins. The woman plans their wedding while he glories in the fact that he has some steady umm, you know. If all goes well within the 1st month or so, they move into together, and he takes up residence on the couch while she mulls over why he isn’t listening to her while the football game is on. If all goes really well, they get married, move to a good neighborhood with good schools, pop out kids and argue over who goes to whose family for Christmas. All the while each other wonder if this is all there is…

My $.02 American cents[/quote]

At which point during that explanation do they both become very fat?

[quote=“Mordeth”]
At which point during that explanation do they both become very fat?[/quote]

When they move to good neighborhood where they have to drive everywhere for everything :laughing: