I’m sure this has happened to others on here. I was seeing a really cool girl for a couple months. She was down for whatever whenever and she had some really important attributes. She lived alone at her own place. She spoke nearly perfect English. She was a good kisser.
Anyhow, she was staying at my place for a couple weeks while her place was being renovated. She owned it and was doing a complete overhaul. One day she met with her parents at her place to check on the progress of the renovation and the guard asked her how her foreigner boyfriend was doing. Her dad flips out. He tells her to go get her things and that she would be moving home until her place was ready. He told her that it would be better to be with a convict than a foreigner. So she had to go. Things had been going well, but neither of us thought it was worth a major family quarrel. She still wants us to see each other after things cool down and I come back from the States after CNY, but I don’t wanna be the guy her dad hates. It’s safe to assume a local girls’ parents won’t like her going out with a foreigner, but now that I know I’m held at less than convict status, I don’t want to deal with it. But if she tries to sneak into my bed late at night, I doubt I’ll turn her away.
How many of you out there have had parental interference bring things to a halt?
this kind of attitude is not a given but it’s common enough that if you want to be serious with a girl you had better be ready to deal with it. on some levels it is almost a given but a reaction as extreme as what you describe is not the norm. how old is she? the most important thing is how the girl will deal with it, the fact she immediately obeyed would not be encouraging to me.
Attitudes can change once the family gets to know you. If you don’t want to deal with the bother of changing the familys attitude, then the girl is better off without you. Besides, the family is usually scared of their daughter moving to a foriegn country and losing contact for a year/years at a time. (I’ve been married to a Taiwanese for 38 years. If I had been able to invest the money I’ve spent on trips back to Taiwan for visits, I’d be rich.!) Your attitude shows a lack of maturity and reality about foreign family relationships.
We’re all that guy. If you date a local woman her dad is going to hate you - at least initially. In my family, my father-in-law is Archie Bunker and I’m Meathead.
Lack of maturity, c’mon. I think I’m being sensible here. We’ve only been going out for a couple months and to be honest our relationship is primarily physical. If we had a deeply romantic connection then I would consider it worth fighting for, but it’s kind of early. So many people continue a relationship just because there is no resistance and end up married with kids 10 years later wondering when the romance died. I’m just saying it presents a crossroads where you have to give the relationship a hard look. My initial instincts were to encourage her to stand up for herself and make her own decisions. But after further consideration, I thought if I convince her to take on the battle and then feel obligated to stay with her because of the sacrifice she has made then our relationship would be somewhat based on guilt, and that’s not healthy. All I’m wondering is how often do some of you find yourself at the critical crossroads before you have established enough depth to know if it’s worth fighting for?
By the way, she’s 26 and an only child. I’m 27, which I don’t think really matters, just details.
That’s just great isn’t it? There you were thinking you could have a grown up relationship with a 26 year old woman and now you’re responsible for educating her peasant family as well (I don’t care how rich they are the attitude is still peasant). Stick at it (if it’s worth it) and eventually she’ll realise the retard parents are to be pitied rather than respected.
You just re-defined my relationship with my father in law. But, what if it’s not my father in law but my mother in law? Shee’s the one who really controls things?
I agree with fox. If you’re just messing around with my daughter, it wouldn’t just be the fact that you’re a foreigner that would bother me.
Mother was a bit worried that I was going to whisk Daughter off to England never to be seen again at first, but now she trusts that isn’t going to happen. She makes a special effort to speak Chinese when I’m around (they are a Taizhong family so usually speak Taiwanese) and whenever care packages are sent up to Taipei (the last one was earmuffs) there is always 2 of everything, one for Daughter, one for me.
Father is a bit cold, but he is like that with everyone. He seems to always need to stop off at one of his friend
Hey, Grumpy, relax. Allbringer is 27, from the States and has been dating the girl for a couple of months, this parental situation is obviously quite new to him. Not everyone has been married to a Taiwanese for 38 years so give the guy a break.
Allbringer, I think you are handling the situation very well. You aren’t sure of your feelings for her on a long-term basis so it is best to give the gal her space and see what happens. I agree, you don’t want to pressure her to challenge her parent
Taiwanese parents don’t want their unmarried daughters screwing anyone.
They might turn a blind eye to what seems like a serious relationship that will end in marriage, but they simply do not want to have to acknowledge that their daughter is having sex. To be told so in public by a doorman humiliated them, and they don’t want a repeat. The fact that you are a foreigner is just incidental.
[quote=“Bu Lai En”]Taiwanese parents don’t want their unmarried daughters screwing anyone.
[/quote]
I think you hit the nail very firmly on the head.
As for the idea of always having problems with the in-laws, I’m with Rik. Never had any problems at all (apart from having a severe case of the shits when I first met them ). And they know full well that I am going to bugger off back to blighty with she who must be obeyed in the not too distant future.
Ma is always giving me food, trying to fatten me up, and doing my washing. Ba has sorted out one buxiban for me after they tried to stiff me and threatened she who must be obeyed. He has also refused to accept any cash for a phone he got for me, given me an old leather jacket of his and gives me and his daughter a place to stay rent free (two bedrooms ). I asked him why he treated me so well and he told me “You treat my daughter well, I treat you well.”
Damn, you’re a lucky guy. The best I can get from my pap-in-law is “you treat my daughter well, I don’t hang you upside down from a tree, cut your dick and scrotum off and let you slowly bleed to death.”
Ah, but some of us have it even better, whilst it was an unhappy episode of time, i nol onger have any parents in law to keep happy, best situation of all, even if a little callous and cold.
Thanks for all the input. Smerf, your’re right. I should just lay low. When she first told me, I DID make couple suggestions to her, so she would consider other options.
Tell your parents you’re pregnant. Let that marinate for a few days and then relieve them when you say that your kidding and we’re just having wild sex.
Tell them you only have a couple months to live and follow up with the rest of suggestion 1.
She didn’t consider either suggestion very long. I guess she wants a peaceful CNY. That was part of her rationale.
After venting to a coworker of mine, and having her share a few insights, I came up with a test question in which I considered the total opposite. If she had instead invited me to meet her parents, how would I feel about that? Without a doubt, I would have felt like things were jumping way too far ahead. It’s all so clear to me now. Not worth it at this stage.
Shee’s the one who really controls things?
). And they know full well that I am going to bugger off back to blighty with she who must be obeyed in the not too distant future.
). I asked him why he treated me so well and he told me “You treat my daughter well, I treat you well.”
