It’s standard operating procedure. 
[quote=“Quarters”]It’s actually the wife’s aunts that are supposed to provide the gold. The groom is supposed to get a new suit from the wife’s uncles too. No joke!
But…and this is a pretty big but…
Whatever money you get from the red envelopes, you should - out of custom and courtesy - pay it back to the families that gave it to you when they have weddings, funerals, or find themselves in time of need. There are actual wedding receipt books that are kept to record how much each person or family gave you, so that when the time comes you can pay them back dollar for dollar.
So if you accept a big load of money…just know that strings are attached.[/quote]
Yep, and as far as I am aware, you have to give double what they gave you.
[quote=“Tyc00n”][quote=“Quarters”]It’s actually the wife’s aunts that are supposed to provide the gold. The groom is supposed to get a new suit from the wife’s uncles too. No joke!
But…and this is a pretty big but…
Whatever money you get from the red envelopes, you should - out of custom and courtesy - pay it back to the families that gave it to you when they have weddings, funerals, or find themselves in time of need. There are actual wedding receipt books that are kept to record how much each person or family gave you, so that when the time comes you can pay them back dollar for dollar.
So if you accept a big load of money…just know that strings are attached.[/quote]
Yep, and as far as I am aware, you have to give double what they gave you.[/quote]
I think that is a bit of an exageration. Even my wife balked at that. Think about it, if it is supposed to double each time, after a few weddings people would be going into the poor house!
Its expected that you pay back dollar for dollar and if you are in a good financial position, then you can add a bit more as an extra thank you to show appreciation and respect.
But definately not double…at least for the general population that are not filthy rich. 
It’s a Chinese culture thing. I believe it’s more prevalent in southern Chinese cultures, so this would include BSRs and a good deal of WSRs. I paid the dowry, but in return, we got gold from her parents. Yeah, I can’t spend gold, but given the way gold has gone up in recent years, I think I actually increased my net worth out of this deal. 
I also paid for the wedding, the most expensive being the cost of banquets (we had four banquets in one week – Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Hualian, Ottawa, in that order) but most of the banquet costs were recovered through hongbao.
It’s standard operating procedure. [/quote]
Still kinda tacky though.
Sounds like you got a good one there Dragonbones :bravo: :bravo:
Just because it is common practice does not mean it isn’t tacky.
Kind of like sweater vests…
There was no question of it when I got married. On the contrary, her father gave his daughter a generous dowry (as he’d done to each of his other four daughters when they’d got married), and her mother presented us with the requisite bits of gold.
As with Tigerman’s FIL, her dad was only concerned that I was a decent fellow who would take good care of his daughter and make her happy.
Also, I opted against the cookies, banquet and other such troublesome nonsense, so I didn’t have to deal with the embarrassing business of accepting all those hongbaos - though I couldn’t avoid being presented with some hongbaos and gifts at work, and was rather chuffed when then vice premier Lin Hsin-i came to my office to congratulate me and present me with a wedding gift.
Apparently the dowry “tradition” is a benshengren practice. :raspberry:
Oh yes. Papy in law has a big red book of payments. I got some of the people who owed him and brother got the best ones. He knew exactly who owed him .
I now have my own book. I was lucky that I wont have to pay much back and am still mostly covered by fathers book for family events. Poor brother is now expected to give his own envelope at each wedding, graduation, CNY, funeral,…ect. Poor guy.
In the past, I had several Taiwanese girlfriends who broached the subject of marriage, and they always gave me to understand that their parents would bestow largesse on us - at least by buying us a home - if we got married. So I’ve always assumed that’s pretty much the norm here if the parents can afford it.
And I once translated a paper for an NTU economics professor in which he described how it has long been the customary local practice to scrimp and save over many years for the purpose of buying a piece of land and a home for the eldest son when he got married, and how this custom has evolved in more affluent times into buying homes for all the children, sons and daughters alike, when they get married. That is very much a Taiwanese benshengren tradition.
i dont think thats a universal custom. Is that hakka culture or something? What culture asks that?
taiwans pretty modern nowadays. customs and traditions changing a lot now. Most parents are happy enough that their daughter actually has someone who actuallly wants to marry them 
sometimes the couple gets some money. IN my case my wife got all of it. And was funny cuz i had to thank the parents (for what im asking? for what? i never saw a penny )
[quote=“Omniloquacious”]In the past, I had several Taiwanese girlfriends who broached the subject of marriage, and they always gave me to understand that their parents would bestow largesse on us - at least by buying us a home - if we got married. So I’ve always assumed that’s pretty much the norm here if the parents can afford it.
And I once translated a paper for an NTU economics professor in which he described how it has long been the customary local practice to scrimp and save over many years for the purpose of buying a piece of land and a home for the eldest son when he got married, and how this custom has evolved in more affluent times into buying homes for all the children, sons and daughters alike, when they get married. That is very much a Taiwanese benshengren tradition.[/quote]
yes but that can work against you too. I got dumped by one taiwanese girlfriend soon as her mom told her that she was opposed to her marrying me . She just said “oh you gotta go, or i will lose the house my mom bought for me”… so its not always a good thing that 
[quote=“Omniloquacious”]In the past, I had several Taiwanese girlfriends who broached the subject of marriage, and they always gave me to understand that their parents would bestow largesse on us - at least by buying us a home - if we got married. So I’ve always assumed that’s pretty much the norm here if the parents can afford it.
And I once translated a paper for an NTU economics professor in which he described how it has long been the customary local practice to scrimp and save over many years for the purpose of buying a piece of land and a home for the eldest son when he got married, and how this custom has evolved in more affluent times into buying homes for all the children, sons and daughters alike, when they get married. That is very much a Taiwanese benshengren tradition.[/quote]
If you do marry into a wealthy family and they buy you a house, better be prepared and wise to the fact that is where they will be spending their retirement days. 
[quote=“Omniloquacious”]There was no question of it when I got married. On the contrary, her father gave his daughter a generous dowry (as he’d done to each of his other four daughters when they’d got married), and her mother presented us with the requisite bits of gold.
As with Tigerman’s FIL, her dad was only concerned that I was a decent fellow who would take good care of his daughter and make her happy.
Also, I opted against the cookies, banquet and other such troublesome nonsense, so I didn’t have to deal with the embarrassing business of accepting all those hongbaos - though I couldn’t avoid being presented with some hongbaos and gifts at work, and was rather chuffed when then vice premier Lin Hsin-i came to my office to congratulate me and present me with a wedding gift.[/quote]
Interesting… How so?
[quote=“tommy525”][quote=“Omniloquacious”]In the past, I had several Taiwanese girlfriends who broached the subject of marriage, and they always gave me to understand that their parents would bestow largesse on us - at least by buying us a home - if we got married. So I’ve always assumed that’s pretty much the norm here if the parents can afford it.
And I once translated a paper for an NTU economics professor in which he described how it has long been the customary local practice to scrimp and save over many years for the purpose of buying a piece of land and a home for the eldest son when he got married, and how this custom has evolved in more affluent times into buying homes for all the children, sons and daughters alike, when they get married. That is very much a Taiwanese benshengren tradition.[/quote]
yes but that can work against you too. I got dumped by one Taiwanese girlfriend soon as her mom told her that she was opposed to her marrying me . She just said “oh you gotta go, or i will lose the house my mom bought for me”… so its not always a good thing that [/quote]
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but I will anyway. Any woman who gives you up for a house is not worth it. If I had to choose between my wife and a house (especially a Taiwanese house) my parents would be very dissappointed at such a futile attempt at bribery.
Sounds like things worked out way better for you in the long run, and good on you.
thanks bismarck 
Which bit how so?
i believe that the gentleman is referring to your visit from the Vice PM.
and may I say, Omni-L, you definitely live up to your name!!
one more time (and it’s the last) — thanks to all the ‘old-skoolers’ from this new schooler on this particular post…extremely insightful and eye-opening. i really can’t get this data anywhere else.