Paying on dates, platonic and romantic

When it comes to dates, who should pay?

  • The person doing the asking
  • Both pay equally (50-50)
  • Go dutch (each person pays for him or herself)
  • The man should always pay
  • The woman should always pay
  • The person who makes the most money
  • Pay on alternative dates (A pays for 1st, B pays for 2nd, A pays for 3rd…)

0 voters

I was wondering where the jury was on this subject…paying for a date. While I love receiving chivalry from a guy and get flattered when he holds a door open for me and whatnot, I don’t feel extremely comfortable to being treated by a man, even if he’s the one to initiate it, especially if the date is platonic. I would usually go dutch if I were going out with my female friends and I don’t think that just because he’s a male, I should do any different. On a romantic date (distant memories…), however, I try to put in what I can although often the guy insists on paying himself. I don’t think it’s fair for the guy to shoulder the cost of entertaining for two and I don’t mind putting in when it comes down to it. In my opinion, there are lots of ways to show chivalry other than through your wallet.

Does it embarrass guys if their date pays for some things? Do guys like it when a girl offers to pay (and even more when she follows through on it)? Are there special circumstances where you would change your normal habit on who pays? Ladies, what do you prefer?

I voted go Dutch if it’s a platonic, friends having dinner kind of date. But my opinion changes with situation. :wink:

In your poll, I could’ve chosen a few of them. As a guy, social conditioning says, you have to pay, especially since you’re doing the asking. I heard it best from a good female friend who said, “if he wants my time, he’s going to have to pay for my time.” Real old-school stuff. :laughing:

Well, it gets complicated if the people on the date are from different economic means. Does that mean that certain places are out of bounds because one can’t afford to pay dutch? What’s one to do there? Not saying that every night has to be a wine-and-dine (although some women would argue, hell yeah it is) but there are always places that couples want to go and doing that may be economically difficult without some $$$. Do you forego?

So, what if you start off as friends, platonic, and go dutch and then it turns romantic. Still dutch? I bet not for most women.

I guess it really depends on two things (1) purpose of the “date” and (2) people’s intentions on the date. It’s still very hard to read regardless as going dutch doesn’t necessarily mean “LJBF”.

I always used to let the girls pay for everything but that was only because I never had any money.

It depends on the situation, person, culture, etc. When it comes down to it, though, I think the person who should pay is the person who makes the most, which is what I voted for.

It’s always been entirely situational for me. If the lass isn’t keen on the idea of me paying the whole thing, we’ll split it. If it’s just something cheap like a coffee or something, I’m not fussed, but I’ll usually end up paying the whole thing anyway. If it’s pricier, depends on the person (and the price). If it’s a few drinks or something, probably split (by way of alternate rounds). On the whole though, if it’s a date date and not just a couple of friends hanging out, and it’s not so expensive that paying for both of us would blow a hole through my wallet, and it was me that asked her out, I’d prefer to pay. If she did the asking, if she wants to pay or split, then fine–it’s her call, since she initiated the whole deal.

And as for the thing of is it embarrassing, well, I generally feel a bit awkward whenever anyone pays for my share of anything for me unless they’re related to me or I need the help. I prefer to pay my own way, or at the very least be able to repay the favor.

Tetsuo wrote

Wow, it’s amazing how life-like computer simulations are these days!

Yeah, those Japanese eh. Amazing little buggers.

I like to go Dutch. It doesn’t matter if it’s a date date and if the guy initiated the date or not. I just don’t like the idea of being treated. I guess I don’t want the guy to think that he can and should “get some” from me because he’s thrown some money on me. I know for a fact that some taiwanese men are like that. Don’t know if westerner men think like that too or not mainly they were usually too poor to pay for the whole thing anyway. :laughing:

I was always too poor to pay for anything!

I used to always go dutch back home, but it’s different here.

If it’s a date, or a family/business going out, one person always pays.

I’d always pay (as the man) going out on a date here.

If it was with (just a) friend of either sex, I wouldn’t, unless I’d already said it would be my treat.


I feel better going Dutch or doing the back and forth where one person pays for the movie and the other pays for the dinner, which both happened to be exactly the same price the last time I went out for dinner and a movie so we came out even. I dislike owing money to friends and being very proud, I pay for personal debts as soon as I can on the rare occasions I let people lend money to me or buy something for me. That’s why I find it a little hard to enjoy myself at someone else’s expense unless that someone is treating more than just me and obviously have more money than I do.

Also if you insist on paying for both, saying “No, it’s my treat” helps to make things less awkward. I certainly wouldn’t want a man to think that he was obligated to pay for me simply because he was the man, but if he is doing so voluntarily, it’s silly to say no. How would a guy react, however, to a woman saying the same?

I don’t mind treating a date if it was me who did the asking, on the first date. If there’s a second or third or more dates, some arrangement should be reached, either alternating or going Dutch.

I have found that it’s a good screening system. If a woman always expects me to pay for her way, I figure that she’s more interested in my money than me. Once is okay but if she expects me to habitually empty my wallet for her, she’s trying to take advantage of me and I don’t go for that.

Most women make more money than men these days. Why not let them enjoy paying for stuff?

Truth is I’d like the man to offer to pay anyway. I wouldn’t let him of course. It’s just nice if he offers. I can get a little turned off if he doesn’t.

When my wife and I were dating, we were both equally poor, and we alternated: This date I pay, next date you pay.

When I go wout with friends, we usually go Dutch, unless one of us is in a particularly generous mood. Or, if one of us has just received a windfall, it’s often that person who offers to treat.

I always pay for everything. I like to tease her about it and she sometimes calls me her “sugar daddy”. I’m still not sure if that is good or bad, but it sure is cute! :wink:

If I’m going to split, I prefer going back and forth (me taking care of dinner, her taking care of coffee and desserts elsewhere) than looking like a klutz at the restaurant figuring out, “OK, you ordered this and that and then with the service charge, how much do you owe?” Usually over the first several months of a relationship, I end up footing around 70-80% of the costs, but whatever, I’m a guy. If you’re not paying for it one way, you’re paying for it another.

That’s a sad way to go through life. Have enough human dignity to assert that you should never have to pay for the privilege of female companionship. It’s guys like you that ruin things for the rest of us, by leading women to expect guys to always pay the bills.

Back in the U.S., I always expected to go 50/50 on a date, but most guys would insist on paying sometimes. In Chinese culture though, the guy pays all the time. Sometimes on dates I’ve tried to pay or give him money, but usually he’ll think that’s embarrassing. So, when on dates with Chinese/Taiwanese guys I’ve become accustomed to graciously receiving. To keep things fair though, I’ll try to sneak over and pay the bill sometimes.

Oh, and I never let a guy think that just because he’s paying, he’s going to “get some” later. That’s just tacky!