Physical punishment for your kids?

Would you perform "physical punishment" on your kids?

  • Yes, I don’t exclude it from my arsenal.
  • Yes, but only when they are young and cannot be reasoned with.
  • Yes, but I fathom only in extreme situations.
  • Yes, but never on girls.
  • No, you should never have to do that.
  • No, I would let them kill me before I hit back.

0 voters

Touchy topic. I’m not out to debate whether this is right or wrong, but just curious to find out what people think about this, particularly if your spouse and you are of different ethnicity or have different views on this. I put as options some of things I’ve heard of from family / peers both in TW and abroad.

Personally as far as I can remember I was probably hit in a few occasion after 5yo (maybe a few times more when I was younger, but can’t remember, and I use “hit” vaguely and not literally), nothing more than slaps on the hand or bum or knock on the head or getting my ears twisted. But I always knew as a kid that it is a possible punishment, amongst others. Definetely nothing that would injure, make me live in fear of my safety or anything like that. And now thinking back, the rare times that I was punished physically probably did me good in the long run, just my opinion in my personal case given my personality and upbringing.

And don’t get me wrong. By no means am I referring to hurting the kid or beating until they beg for mercy or anything remotely close to that.

As a child, I was beaten repeatedly over the head with a hardcover copy of The Chambers Dictionary.

I have always been good at spelling.

Therefore: beat away!

Yeah, well, I got me one of them kids where it wouldn’t accomplish anything even if we did, so there’s really no point.

I don’t spank my boy because I don’t have to–because he believes I will.

Really, I’ve spanked him so few times that I have trouble comming up with an example. I know I’ve spanked him for giving me attitude sometime in the last year–disrespect will not be tolerated. I spatted his little hands when he was a toddler to keep him from harming himself by grabbing unsafe things or touching the stove, or the fan, or the outlets, . . . .

Mostly, though, I could beat the living daylights out of him as long as we were playing and he’d never feel a thing. He loves to wrestly and play fight, and test his strength. So, for us, “spanking” is really more “touching in a less than cuddlesome way when mom is not amused.” I don’t know if that makes sense.

My point is that the reprimand is not so much the pain inflicted by a sharp smack on the bottom, so much as the disaproval that I feel towards his actions. We have a loving and respectful relationship that we both enjoy and my son LOVES my praise and approval and doesn’t like to fall short of my high expectations for him. Thus, I can make him re-think his choices–and make him cry, even,–much more easily with a word of disaproval than with a pop.

In consequence, I have a kid that earns me lots and lots of compliments. Yesterday, in fact, I was told by the art teacher that a kid in his class had put a bottle of glue to his own ear and filled it with glue. (the boy told me this too, after school yesterday, saying, “It wasn’t me, mom!”) She told me she cleaned the kid’s ear out and sent him to the nurse, then went and sat with my boy because he’s easy going and a great kid and it calmed her to hang out with him.

His music teacher got dumped a few weeks ago by her fiance and told me that watching my son dance in her class helped her feel happy again.

Yes, I’m bragging, but I can’t help it. I LOVE my boy!

But I WILL pop that butt, you bet, if he steps too far over the line.

Hitting a child demonstrates a loss of control by the parent. It’s not necessary, it’s not the best way of resolving a problem and it’s actually counter-productive.

On the other hand, apparently in Taiwan some parents discipline their 10 month old babies by throwing them in a boiling pot of water. Now that makes sense. Can’t cause any more trouble when you’re dead.

But, then again, maybe regular honest, loving communications accompanied by firm, reasonable expectations and calm rational discourse might work too. Of course that’s not as easy as just hitting (or boiling) the kid if you’re drunk or lacking in patience or self-restraint.

The way I read that case MT was the mother dared the father to do so after having an argument. Not as a punishment to the child.

I don’t know all the facts of that case, except that it says he threw the baby in the pot of boiling water when he was drunk, during a domestic dispute. In other words, he completely lost control and acted purely out of anger and emotions, rather than rationally.

In most cases, I believe hitting a kid is the same thing. The parent’s furious that he lied/stole/broke it/won’t shut up/is being irritating/shit his diapers/ or whatever, and rather than respond in the best manner – cooly, calmly, rationally – the parent instantly, instinctively, lashes out with a physical blow. It’s a loss of control by the parent and I believe it’s wrong.

Of course, to each his own. If someone else believes it’s appropriate to smack their kids, that’s their choice (up to a point). But we choose not to.

I admit, too, that we may be lucky as we have a sweet girl who rarely misbehaves. People say boys are “more naughty” and I suspect that may be true. Still, if I had a boy I’d try to restrain myself and deal with his wrongdoing through calm discourse rather than violence. After all, how will he learn that hitting others is wrong if you keep hitting him?

I certaintly do not hit my child in anger. In fact, if I ever do become truly angry at him, I put myself in time out, telling him that mom needs to go sit quietly and think about some things. Anger at a child is sometimes human, but not usually rational. In fact, anytime I can remember being trully angry at my son, it was not really him, nor his behavior, I was angry with at all.

He really is my treasure. If I’m angry at him, it’s time to step back and re-focus.

I was eating in a coffee shop with my two friends-a married couple-and their two very active boys who were 8 and 5 at the time were acting like a-holes figuring they could get away with murder in public.

Their dad grabbed them both firmly by their hair, not pulling but literally combed his fingers into their hair and grabbed them by roots and whispered into their ears. They were angels after that and have grown into really nice, wonderful teenagers. I guess it’s the type of physical contact that counts. But don’t beat your kids they’ll never forgive you.

Just read to them:

I was spanked on occasion as a child, but it was always deliberate and never done with anger. Still hurt though! It is possible to cooly, calmly, and rationally spank a kid. Maybe it isn’t always done this way, but it’s the way I was raised, and if I think it’s the best way to handle a situation, I’ll do it.

It’s not always the best way, of course. Every child, each circumstance is unique and I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all solutions. And whatever course of action is chosen, the ultimate welfare of the child should be the important thing, and all actions should be motivated by love.

I got spanked with a belt when I was a kid. And sometimes I didn’t know why. I got paddled at school, too. And that hurt. But it all kept me from growing up to be some kind of smart aleck anti-social freak.

I don’t hit or spank my kids. I’m not really against it. I just don’t want to do it.

I was spanked on occasion as a child, but it was always deliberate and never done with anger. Still hurt though! It is possible to cooly, calmly, and rationally spank a kid. Maybe it isn’t always done this way, but it’s the way I was raised, and if I think it’s the best way to handle a situation, I’ll do it.

It’s not always the best way, of course. Every child, each circumstance is unique and I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all solutions. And whatever course of action is chosen, the ultimate welfare of the child should be the important thing, and all actions should be motivated by love.[/quote]

Cool calm and collected. That’s the worst kind. Go to your room laddie, I’ll be along in a minute.

Think about what you’re saying. You’re not the Lord High fucking Executioner. Any act of hitting or violence is always conducted in anger. No-one could possibly reason “OK, the correct thing to do in this situation is to clobber someone”.

If you haven’t started, Maoman, don’t. Make it a policy now, discuss it with your wife. That was the first thing my wife and I agreed on when our first child arrived ten years ago. Kids are bad sometimes, but never so bad that you need to cause them pain to correct them.

Hitting is assault. Plain and simple. If one can’t raise one’s kids without resorting to violence, one shouldn’t be a parent.

(edit: changed 2nd person pronouns above to “one”)

Say what you want, but I’m totally with Maoman on this.

There’s a big difference between a controlled smack and physical abuse.

[quote=“irishstu”]Say what you want, but I’m totally with Maoman on this.

There’s a big difference between a controlled smack and physical abuse.[/quote]
Yup. Me too. Assault? For fuck’s sake! :unamused: Go eat some goddamn lentils and take that Birkenstock out your butthole.

[quote=“sandman”][quote=“irishstu”]Say what you want, but I’m totally with Maoman on this.

There’s a big difference between a controlled smack and physical abuse.[/quote]
Yup. Me too. Assault? For fuck’s sake! :unamused: Go eat some goddamn lentils and take that Birkenstock out your butthole.[/quote]
Hey, that is unfair SandDaddy. I’m sure smithsgj wouldn’t use any leather products, a clog made from recycled copies of Liberal Family Mag maybe.

[quote=“irishstu”]Say what you want, but I’m totally with Maoman on this.

There’s a big difference between a controlled smack and physical abuse.[/quote]

Maoman didn’t refer to it as physical abuse. He was distinguishing between a controlled smack and hitting out in anger. I think the former is especially cold, calculating and callous, perhaps because I used to get hit in this way when I was a kid, often for quite minor transgressions.

As far as I’m concerned both kinds are physical abuse. “What the hell gives you the right to hit another person?” is basically my reasoning.

(and pls spare me the roll your own brown rice jokes :blah: :blah: :blah: :blah: )

I have to agree with smithsgj. I too was smacked as a kid, an it didn’t really harm me. Nonetheless, while I used to agree with the idea of controlled corporal punishment, I never used it on my boy except for once, and I regretted it.

My pop used physical punishments many times, and as an adult now, I really resent it. Like smithsgj, most of my transgressions were trivial and could easily have been dealt with in a more civilized manner.

At this stage in my life, I just don’t see the need to hit a child.

I still say there’s a lot separating “swat on the butt” from “child abuse.” I’m assuming the swat is more of an attention getter than a pain inflicter.

I was also spanked on occasion as a child, and once I had my mouth washed out with a bar of soap.

The bar of soap incident was punishment for saying

Gene, Gene, made a machine.
Joe, Joe, made it go.
Art, Art, let a fart
and blew it all apart.

about a hundred times. :wink:

After a few warnings, I was barely whispering it (to my brother).

Brother :
MoM! ZenDeR’S SaYin’ It AgaiN!

In fact, the last time, I only mouthed it.

Brother:
MOOOOOOM!

And my mother had had enough.

I was led by the ear to the sink.

The bar of soap was in my mouth for maybe a second or two, but I have been scarred for life.

And THAT is why I don’t wash my hands after going wee. :soapbox: :snivel:


What a difference a generation makes . . . When I was a kid, MOST kids were spanked. Spanking a kid today is viewed as child abuse by many.

For the record, I don’t / won’t spank my kids. I prefer the “No TV for a month” , and “Do this small mountain of homework” methods, and I make sure they think about what they’ve done!

I think this is more productive.

I’ll let you know how the kids turn out.

Its not that I consider spanking necessarily a form of abuse…

Its just that I think there are better ways to get the results one desires that do not include hitting a child.

I had no problem controlling my kid without hitting him.