this is mostly for newbies to taiwan, but lifers put your two cents in too!
a modern philosopher wrote that their are three kinds of “s” that you will encounter in communication:
Chicken S#$@= small talk,ie how are you, how’s your job, where people don’t really care about your answer
Bull S@#$= people trying to get you to believe something or sell you something
Elephant S@#$= people telling you what they’re gonna do or how they’re gonna change
be very careful when taiwanese people ask you questions, especially people you don’t know or have a casual aquaintence with, ie breakfast shop, store, etc. you would be suprised at the real intent of a lot of questions. do not tell them anything. this is my experience. they only ask you stuff for ammunition to use against you later in their gossip circles. that’s the only thing that makes their anal lives worth living.
you’ll be suprised how easy it is to get sucked in, but don’t. be friendly, but never give them ammo. these are people that will laugh at your lowest moment then blame you for getting pissed off at their callousness. they’re playing you, 90% of them. don’t take their questions seriously.
I can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely hurt by a Taiwanese friend laughing at me. I’ve actually found the Taiwanese to be extremely sensitive and thoughtful. There’s certainly ribbing, but it tends to be good natured, and it goes both ways. But hurtful and malicious? Not common, in my experience.
In terms of what you say and do in a work place - ah, now that’s another story, and you need to wear your “politics” hat and “cautious” bowtie (and maybe your “suspicious” beanie, for good measure).
This sounds to me like a cultural adjustment issue. Personally, I find general banter in the West to be rather acidic and spiteful. People take kidding around way too far, and it can lead to serious problems. The line in the sand is not very clear.
In contrast, in Taiwan, I find myself pausing frequently before saying something callous or inappropriate (at least I used to - now I’m used to tempering what I say). The Taiwanese also do this regularly - hence the large number of “pregnant pauses” in conversations. I quite like the way this culture values people’s feelings and the way there’s a lot less BS in daily relationships.
An interesting study would be an analysis of US/British/etc. vs Taiwanese TV shows (esp. sitcoms or dramas). Notice the difference in interpersonal relationships, particularly with regard to the way people speak solely “for themselves” vs. with the other person in mind. Not sure if that makes sense, but I hope you understand what I’m getting at.
my advice - if you let the sad gossip of b’fast shop owners and the like get to you so much you need to do some self examination and get over it.
i have - on the whole - found taiwanese people to be incredibly generous and giving. sure there are gossips… but the worst gossips i have ever encountered are sitting all around me as i type this - in the office - in australia.
fools are folls no matter where you are. taiwan is no exception.
After being here 1 year and 25 days, some of the locals are starting to laugh at my jokes.
And they tell me jokes, I can’t here understand a damn thing they’re saying, and they know that, but I laugh when I think its appropriate and they join me.
Yeah…maybe I’m the joke, but hell, at least we all are laughing.
Well, my wife teached me, a Chinese does not give too much information by himself. Because you may spoil your own chances later. Like: you do NOT tell if you have brothers or sisters, as then you can introduce your sister for business to the person who asked - without the person knowing.
Taiwanese seem to be more strategic about information exchange. I said it before somewhere and harldy anyone agreed.
I am not saying it is bad, just different.
Ah yes, and they ask a lot of questions on the other hand, cause they may need personal info in doing business with you later…
ran, I’ve said it before, Illl say it again - if everyone you talk to acts like an asshole to you, there could be a reason behind it that doesn’t involve them.
[quote=“AWOL”]my advice - if you let the sad gossip of b’fast shop owners and the like get to you so much you need to do some self examination and get over it.
I have - on the whole - found Taiwanese people to be incredibly generous and giving. sure there are gossips… but the worst gossips I have ever encountered are sitting all around me as i type this - in the office - in australia.
fools are folls no matter where you are. Taiwan is no exception.[/quote]
i agree; taiwanese tend to live and let live…gossip is generally of an innocuous nature and good natured…certainly not the twitching of the curtains type to be found in western surburbia
btw what is a foll?..i’m still trying to work out this saying fools are folls…
I have heard stories of complete strangers coming up to expats here married to Taiwanese women, pretty, cute, beautiful women, mind you, not movie star beauties but nice looking women, and the locals come right out and say: "My, your wife is ugly!’
[quote=“Cola”]I have heard stories of complete strangers coming up to expats here married to Taiwanese women, pretty, cute, beautiful women, mind you, not movie star beauties but nice looking women, and the locals come right out and say: "My, your wife is ugly!’
Why do they do that?[/quote]There’s a perception that westerners have no taste at all when it comes to Asian women. Given some of the Asian actresses and models that are popular in Hollywood right now, I can hardly blame them!
Therefore it’s become a bit of a hip insult: That girl? Only foreigners think she’s beautiful!
[quote=“Cola”]I have heard stories of complete strangers coming up to expats here married to Taiwanese women, pretty, cute, beautiful women, mind you, not movie star beauties but nice looking women, and the locals come right out and say: "My, your wife is ugly!’
Why do they do that?[/quote]
Because they’re deliberately being rude. If anyone said that to me I would tell them to go and fuck themselves without hesitation. Well actually, I wouldn’t bother. I’d just walk away. There is no “cultural issue” here. Nowhere in the world is it acceptable to tell someone his wife is ugly. Nowhere. They are taking a pot-shot at you. Most likely a mixture of contempt, xenophobia, and perhaps jealousy.
Try telling a Taiwanese person you don’t know his wife is ugly. Most, quite understandably, will take offence.
taiwanese people are capable of some of the nasitest evil you’ve ever experienced and if you haven’t been on the recieving end of it either your chinese sucks or maybe you fit the kind of foriegner they like, that is one with no opinion or personality to challenge their frail little cookie cutter assembly line/all think the same cause" i don’t know how to think for myself" psyche.
the nail that sticks out gets hammered down, don’t you know that? all cultures are not equal. some breed evil.
while i have great respect for the achievements of chinese culture, i feel that modern taiwan/chinese culture is a dead end street and a dry well. it is non progressive and works only here. for all it’s good parts, there are more than equal doses of willful ignorance and systematic stupidty, coupled with a wrong side of the tracks mentality which values “little smarts” over real smarts.
After the fifth or sixth time in a row I went through the: Are you American? Where are you from? How long have you been in Taiwan? Gee…your Chinese is good (no, no not really…)
my good Taiwanese freind says “crkey - just get a tape recorder would you!”
As are people from every other place on this planet.
Well, my Chinese is not bad… and I am fairly confident that I can be accurately described as an opinionated individual… and I was voted “best personality” in my high school class… and I have been know to issue a challenge or two. So…
Depends on how hard the nail and wood are in comparison to the hammer and hammerer.
No cultures are equal. But, they all breed some evil.
Seems I recall you making similar laments regarding the culture of the area where many of your own family live… in the US, right?
You could just as well be describing my home town.
