Paella: a somewhat random dish made with whatever you have to hand.
Have a drink while contemplating starting.
If you want to be really smart, start by boiling some prawns in 5 cups of water while you slice the veggies. Use the unpeeled ones that still have heads. Pour the water through a sieve into a jug or bowl.
Fry some sliced red, green, and or yellow peppers in a flat pan with lots of olive oil. Put them to one side, keep the oil in the pan and add more if necessary. Have a drink.
Fry up some sliced or diced chicken, pork and add a big splash of paprika. Add oil if necessary, you want to have plenty for the next step. Put the meat to one side when finished. Once you get the knack it’s acually quite easy to drink while doing the meat.
Fry an onion, and garlic if you wish, keeping it nice and oily. Add a tin of tomatoes and mush everything up together. Cook for a couple of minutes. Use those minutes wisely. Have a drink.
Add two cups of uncooked rice, and stir together with the onions and tomato. Add the five cups of water. If you didn’t cook prawns in the water, or even if you did, then add a cube of chicken stock and stir it in before pouring over the rice.
As it comes to the boil, kind of poke it around a bit with a spatula, but don’t actually stir. Add a few strands of saffron. Cover, and simmer for 5-10 minutes. Relax for 5-10 minutes and have a drink.
This is a good time to pull the heads off the prawns and throw them away, unless you’re the kind of person who eats them. I leave the tails on for decorative reasons.
When the rice is part-cooked, add the cooked meats and prawns. Just poke them into the rice. You can use whatever you have kicking around in the fridge. Mushrooms, miscellaneous veggies, old bits of cooked sausage, ham, pork, seafood, but it is vitally important not to believe anyone who tells you to use squid. Yu still have a couple of minutes left in which to have a drink.
Depending on the variety of rice it should be ready in 12-15 minutes. The longer the rice grains are the better. Taiwanese sticky rice is bad. Thai jasmine rice is good. Basmati is maybe too good as you’re going to drown the natural flavour with all the other stuff.
When it’s almost done drop the strips of peppers on the top, artistically. You now have your last oppportunity to have a drink before serving. Go ahead, reward yourself. When it’s ready (taste the rice), garnish with that green stuff, looks like a little bush, whose name escapes me.
If you’ve done it really well then the bottom layer of rice, close to the pan, is all crispy and golden. You’re unlikely to do it well because most burners in Taiwan can’t supply a low heat evenly over a flat-bottomed pan, and you can’t really make paella in a wok. Or can you?
Anyway, serve with gusto. The whole thing takes less than 30 minutes to make, including drinking time. Did I mention to drink alcohol while cooking? You might try adding wine to the water for the rice/prawns too.