I really don’t know why the hell I would want to get involved in such a pointless discussion…
But can’t you see that you are all talking about the same thing here? What is the point of quibbling about labels?
In the example of the Korean family not wanting their kid to marry a white foreigner, yes it’s racist, yes it’s xenophobic. Those are tied up together in that case.
Sure, there are a lot of racist/xenophobic people in East Asia. I would argue there are a lot of racist/xenophobic people anywhere around the world.
Tribalism and feelings of “us vs. them” are so, so central to what it means to be human. These feelings were hard-wired into our brains over millions of years in the grasslands when survival was based on your ability to work together with your own tribe, often in life and death competition with other tribes. It is pointless to bicker about this stuff, because such feelings exist in all of us as an innate part of being human. The key is to acknowledge it, understand it, try to move past it so that you can treat others with respect in this globalized world where in a lot of situations we are pushed together with others who don’t match our “tribe”.
However, in cases where people only interact with others in their tribe (e.g. the Korean family who probably only knows other Koreans), you have to be understanding of the fact that they may not be aware of or willing to overcome their own biases.