Real Pig of a Disease

So much fun to be had with H1N1…

 I called the Swine Flu hotline . All I got was crackling.

 I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.

 Another is that you get the trotts.

 But, I woke up with pig tails this morning ... Should I be worried?

 The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

 Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though.

 The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.

 I hear there's now a sine flu as well. Someone on the news was going off on a tangent about it.

 This little piggy went to market,
 This little piggy stayed at home,
 This little piggy had roast beef,
 This little piggy had none.
 And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein
 1 neuraminidase protein 1

 Swine flu, however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all going to be cured anyway.

News Flash .... this just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the aporkalypse.

 Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu. Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.

 I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?

This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is just a mild hamademic,  don't believe all the spam you're getting. 

Feeling bored on the bus, train or Underground? Take out your mobile phone and pretend to have a conversation with an imaginary caller all about your recent holiday in Mexico. Hang up. Then sneeze...

Wife runs out of petrol and phones husband ... I'm scared to fill up she says 'cos of this swine flu.
He says you daft woman it's in Mexico not Texaco.

Half price on return flights to Mexico - it's not like you're coming back, is it?

You've got to hand it to the Mexicans. Even Osama Bin Laden didn't scare this many Americans.

A lion a bear and a pig are sitting around discussing how great they are.
The lion says when I roar the whole jungle shakes.
The bear says when I roar the whole forest trembles.
So what says the pig all I have to do is sneeze and the whole world shits
itself!

You spelt it wrong, should be “pigs flew”

9/10

Enough with the ribbing already!

I would’ve given a 10, had the delivery not been so ham-fisted

I would’ve given a 10, had the delivery not been so ham-fisted[/quote]I don’t think he made a pigs ear of it. But some of them were pretty baaaaaaad

I would’ve given a 10, had the delivery not been so ham-fisted[/quote]I don’t think he made a pigs ear of it. But some of them were pretty baaaaaaad[/quote]

Stop swine-ding him up…

Moooooove along, nothing to see here.

I wonder if they’ll make a movie about this whole swine flu thing. If anyone can make it, Michael Bay can.

And wow, is that a long way to go to find out the store’s closed…

I don’t see any pork references in there. Come on, man. 'snout that difficult.

I don’t see any pork references in there. Come on, man. 'snout that difficult.[/quote]

I’m hock full of ideas, if you don’t rind…so stop hogging the thread…

[quote=“irishstu”]I wonder if they’ll make a movie about this whole swine flu thing. If anyone can make it, Michael Bay can.[/quote]And the main actor can be er… Kevin something… sorry, got no idea.

I’m here all week. Try the pork roast.

I’m sure my mighty pork sword will protect me

I’m squealing on this thread.

Them jokes are soo-ee- t.

All this swine flu news just boars me.

(And on a related note), After last night, I might have to call in sick with ‘wine flu’.

Doctor, Doctor I think Ive got Swine Flu…
No mate you dont, you just have a sty in your eye !

How did Kermit the Frog get swine flu?
By eating out Miss Piggy.

I phoned the swine flu help hotline yesterday but all i heard was CRACKLING, I guess too many people were HOGGING the line!

“In a nation run by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely.”
— Hunter S. Thompson