Rejection Technology


[quote]So here’s the scenario: You’re out at a bar, riding transit, or even just walking down the street, and some bozo who desperately wants into your pants starts up a conversation with you. Rather than make a scene or make them upset, you’re polite and at least nod at the proper times. Then, of course, they ask you for your number. Except this is 2004, so maybe they ask for your email address instead. That’s where Paper Napkin comes in. Give them (or, to be less suspicious), tell them it’s your address, and when they write you, they’ll automatically get a response telling them how badly they’ve been rejected.

Ooohh, that’s just so passive aggressive.

I prefer to tell the guy right then and there he hasn’t a chance.

Seems pretty effective at ensuring that at least some poor bastards will move along a… :howyoudoin: :grrr: :imp: …path.

[quote]Ha ha, just kidding. Actually, this is a rejection letter. The person
who gave you this email address does not want to have anything to do
with you.

This is probably bad news, and many people cope with bad news in
phases: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Let us help
you through these:

“It must be a mistake”: Nope. You got an address in the form, right? Well, all we
here at do is send rejection notices. If you got this
email address, it wasn’t an accident. No, you’ve definitely been rejected.

“Why is this happening to me?”: Well, there are two main points. First,
the person you wrote to obviously had this email address ready to give
you, so they probably get hit on a lot. Second, for whatever reason,
that person would rather let you get this rejection letter than reject
you in person. So who should you be mad at: all the other creeps who have
hit on this person before you, ruining your chances; or you yourself
for being too intense or scary to be let down gently? Either way, you
really shouldn’t be “angry” at anyone - what good does that do?

“I promise I’ll do better next time”: Fine, great, but just not with
this same person, okay? The message being sent here is pretty clear.
Besides, it may not even be your “fault” - as we pointed out above, this
person was hit on enough to memorize long before
you came along. Maybe you’re just out of your league here. Maybe this
person has built up some walls that are just too thick to breach. Either
way, don’t try again. If you do, you’re just going to seem like a
stalker… or worse! Go ahead and clean up your act if you think you should

  • just be sure to find a different audience to try it out on.

“I don’t care anymore”: Aw, we can’t leave it like that! Buck up,
little nipper! It isn’t all bad! At least you were rejected in the privacy
of your own email account; you had no chance to do or say anything that
you would later regret; and you’ve saved the time and effort of
pursuing a no-chance relationship.

Besides, you didn’t just get rejected - you’ve learned about a great
new tool: After all, this is nothing personal to us. We
have no beef with you, and we’d be just as pleased to serve your
rejection needs as we are to serve anybody else. So if you ever need to
reject somebody, be sure to tell them to write to you at

How’s that? All better now? Good. And good luck to you. Maybe next time
you will get a real email address!


It has a sort of novel quality, but I would prefer to hear a polite, “I’m not interested.”

Exactly. Why do some women get so offended by men approaching them? :loco: Seriously, I’ve had some women give me dagger glares and near-hisses just because I said, “Hello”. I think most every man has had that experience. One of the mysteries of life why some women want to go ballistic if you try and hit on them. (And no, I’m not talking about coming on sleazy)