Looks like you got screwed out of a great Birthday dinner :roflmao: :neutral:
Foreign objects found in food is something that unfortunately happens from time to time. A screw likely came off a piece of equipment and fell in or was knocked in the food.
The diners had a right to be mad, but I am not sure what they wanted the restaurant to do. They acknowledged it, comped the meal, but it seems like they wanted more acknowledgement which sadly the staff are not equipped or trained to do. Comping everyone’s meal would likely land the manager in hot water, it is a pretty big decision to make.
You are in a culture however where when you blow up, you lose, it is as simple as that, so whatever leverage you had was washed away with the lack of cool (I know this is shitty, but it is the reality of the situation). Asking for the meal back to take more photos is ridiculous, no restaurant would ever do that.
Sorry things soured so quickly.
Foreign objects in food are dangerous, but non-foreign objects in food that can break your teeth are even more dangerous. Happened to me years ago when I came to discover that green peas in Taiwan are not green peas all the time … here they have something similar with a pitt/kernel inside, darn broke my tooth … and could/should I have asked for compensation and medical (dentist) expenses? NO! I was a dumb big nose! 
Next time, call Apple daily/Next magazine … garantied success!
That’s it? That’s all you want? Wow, that’s quite compassionate of you.
Your friend finds a metal screw in her dish, no harm, no foul. Nothing to do with anyone else but you think you and your buddies should have your meals and booze comped?
Anybody that has worked in restaurants in N. America you’d see this from time to time. An issue comes up, manager apologizes but not “enough” for the customer’s liking. Manager comped the dish but customer wants the entire feast and/or future meals comped. I guess you have to blame the restaurants that give in as it conditions douche bags for future bad behavior.
OP - work 6 months in a restaurant and you might have a little more empathy.
I’m not sure I would be bothered by a screw in my food - however, if it’s true that the other members of the party were put off their food by this (and thus didn’t eat it) - then I don’t think they should have to pay for it.
I guess they thought if the kitchen was so unhygienic that one dish had a screw in it, how had they been preparing the other meals …?
[quote=“Omniloquacious”]
It really depends on how it’s delivered. With a sincerely contrite expression, tone of voice, body language, and repetition, it can carry every bit as much weight of apology as any other form of words in Chinese that could be used appropriately in such situation.[/quote]
Maybe, but I find it a bit hard to see it being the term of choice in a situation of this gravity. I’d wager the implication was that they were hedging their bets and didn’t quite accept the possibility such a foreign object could have been introduced during their cooking processes.
[quote=“Tempo Gain”][quote=“Omniloquacious”]
It really depends on how it’s delivered. With a sincerely contrite expression, tone of voice, body language, and repetition, it can carry every bit as much weight of apology as any other form of words in Chinese that could be used appropriately in such situation.[/quote]
Maybe, but I find it a bit hard to see it being the term of choice in a situation of this gravity. I’d wager the implication was that they were hedging their bets and didn’t quite accept the possibility such a foreign object could have been introduced during their cooking processes.[/quote]
Well, if someone in that situation wanted to show true and deep contrition, their expression and body language would say it more than their words, and they’d probably mix up the bu hao yisi’s with a good larding of baoqian’s, paisay’s and sorry’s plus some accentuated zhen bu hao yisi’s. But I can recall countless situations where someone has done something wrong, or been responsible for someone doing something wrong, that might endanger, offend or inconvenience me or those with me, and has expressed their contrition with sincerely expressed and fully acceptable bu hao yisi’s.
However, I understand how some people find bu hao yisi apologies grating because they associate them with the total lack of sincerity and couldn’t-care-lessedness with which they’re so often tossed out.
It seems the OP’s level of horror was not matched by the manager. I can then see how group behaviour would have allowed the situation to escalate, you know… honour at stake, making a big show for a friend on their birthday, everyone agreeing how terrible the screw is, not having the power as a group to accept anything other than the original course of action they agreed upon. It’s classic behavioural stuff. I wish I could have watched it. These situations ebb and flow, and clever people, like Tomas, make money by telling people to stop being so silly (as I understand it! 
) and just start compromising. Of course, the rigidity of the group is harder to penetrate, but nonetheless, fascinating. It’s been sort of mirrored in this thread with the public carpeting he has got from posters by way of response. Clever old chewy equated the screw with a needle 
but didn’t quite manage to escalate things to the level found in the originally described drama in that restaurant.
Sorry, I am meta-analysing again. It is such fun!
I wouldve comped the food for a table of four (but not the drinks if more then one each), anything over say up to 12 people offer them a 50pct discount off the entire bill.
JUst one couple? Comped them the food and the drinks and a coupon for a free meal (up to 3000nt) on their next visit.
Iv never in decades of eating out discovered anything other then a hair in my food. Never seen a screw in food. SO its really really rare.
However, if my above offer was rejected and the group intended to leave without paying for any of the drinks or the food. I would still comp them and suggest they stay for coffee and dessert and write off the loss. And try hard to remember who they were and watch them carefully on future visits.
[quote=“superking”]It seems the OP’s level of horror was not matched by the manager. I can then see how group behaviour would have allowed the situation to escalate, you know… honour at stake, making a big show for a friend on their birthday, everyone agreeing how terrible the screw is, not having the power as a group to accept anything other than the original course of action they agreed upon. It’s classic behavioural stuff. I wish I could have watched it. These situations ebb and flow, and clever people, like Tomas, make money by telling people to stop being so silly (as I understand it! ) and just start compromising. Of course, the rigidity of the group is harder to penetrate, but nonetheless, fascinating. It’s been sort of mirrored in this thread with the public carpeting he has got from posters by way of response. Clever old chewy equated the screw with a needle but didn’t quite manage to escalate things to the level found in the originally described drama in that restaurant.
Sorry, I am meta-analysing again. It is such fun![/quote]
I also viewed it as a group of individuals unable to get their amygdalae (lizard brains) under control. Amygdala hijacks happen to everyone at some point (e.g. Jesus casting the money changers out of the temple). The way the OP narrated this story, it seems that the lizard brain takes over for some members of this group more often than it does for most people, particularly the friend who “doesn’t react well to insults and bullshit” and then “exploded.” From my view as a consultant to companies around the region, this sort of mindset and the accompanying behavior hold very few benefits for people who approach conflicts in this manner, unless they have so much power that they can get away with it. They may persist in using this method of conflict resolution because sometimes it actually works (when your counterpart is weaker than you are and there are no long-term consequences to bullying), or because it makes them feel powerful in difficult situations.
There’s certainly a place for sticking up for yourself and your principles and I do sympathize with the OP’s plight. However, from the way the OP described this situation, what the folks in his party did was to demand something the manager couldn’t or wouldn’t give, and when they didn’t get it, proceeded to terrorize her and the other guests in the restaurant. It’s an untenable situation, and attempting to use coercion isn’t the way mature, reasonable people handle such situations. If I’ve misunderstood, I’ll admit my mistake. I’m going from what the OP wrote.
And yes, part of my job is helping people figure out how to resolve conflicts peacefully. Part of conflict resolution is going to the trouble of seeing things from the other person’s view, i.e. empathizing. I didn’t see much empathy here, perhaps on both sides. When people refuse to consider how the other party might view the situation, things don’t normally end well.
One more thing: I’m baffled by the rage 914 feels about the use of “bu hao yi si.” I’ve been speaking and reading Mandarin fluently for 24 years and have lived and worked around greater China for 15 years, and I’ve never thought this phrase, when delivered with sincerity, was anything but a genuine expression of regret :s . I’ll have to ask my Mandarin consulting team (my family) about this one!
Home slice, my rage against buhaoyisi is context. For me, i feel buhaoyisi is like a “oops, my bad!” while duibuqi is more “oh dear, ive made a mistake that has inconvenienced you. Let me try to correct it.”
Buhaoyisi is 4 words, duibuqi is 3. Its not laziness, so what is it?
But my main point is, buhaoyisi in my experience when i hear ppl say it, is less sincere. Others have explained it to me like that. But please ask ur consulting team. Im curious what they say.
And i dont know how sincere the manager was in the incident, but I would prefer a duibuqi cuz im old school like that.
[quote=“914”]Home slice, my rage against buhaoyisi is context. For me, i feel buhaoyisi is like a “oops, my bad!” while duibuqi is more “oh dear, ive made a mistake that has inconvenienced you. Let me try to correct it.”
Buhaoyisi is 4 words, duibuqi is 3. Its not laziness, so what is it?
But my main point is, buhaoyisi in my experience when I hear people say it, is less sincere. Others have explained it to me like that. But please ask your consulting team. Im curious what they say.
And I don’t know how sincere the manager was in the incident, but I would prefer a duibuqi cuz im old school like that.[/quote]
Now, the only one allowed to call me home slice is my wife, A-licious .
I know what you mean about context. I also have a lizard brain reaction when people do incredibly rude things and then fire off a “bu hao yi si” as if that somehow makes up for behaving like an asshole. However, in other situations I equate “bu hao yi si” with “bao qian” or “dui bu qi.”
Perhaps the best thing is the combination of these phrases, uttered with total sincerity. I’ll ask the team over dinner tonight.
A suck up usually fixes a fuck up.
Simple.
Next time, call Apple daily/Next magazine … garantied success![/quote]
Yeah, exactly, the restaurant should have called and reported on the crazy foreigners who are being “bullies” at a foreign owned restaurant when these folks lost their cool when the restaurant refused to compensate for the group’s meal cos the manager said 不好意思 in an unacceptable way to the western ears.
What’s funnier about the whole thing is that a bunch of non-native speakers of Chinese are analyzing the tone and meaning of Chinese. It would have been just as funny and ridiculous if it were the other way around.
So next time, OP, like what Belgian Pie said, just complain and if they don’t do what you want them to…whether it’s to compensate your own meal or the whole restaurant’s, or even the whole damn block’s cos there’s a cockroach in your noodles… don’t lose your cool and just never visit that place again. NEVER cause a scene cos yous be the one who’s makin’ the foo outta yoself.
Next time, call Apple daily/Next magazine … garantied success![/quote]
Yeah, exactly, the restaurant should have called and reported on the crazy foreigners who are being “bullies” at a foreign owned restaurant when these folks lost their cool when the restaurant refused to compensate for the group’s meal cos the manager said 不好意思 in an unacceptable way to the western ears.
What’s funnier about the whole thing is that a bunch of non-native speakers of Chinese are analyzing the tone and meaning of Chinese. It would have been just as funny and ridiculous if it were the other way around.
So next time, OP, like what Belgian Pie said, just complain and if they don’t do what you want them to…whether it’s to compensate your own meal or the whole restaurant’s, or even the whole damn block’s cos there’s a cockroach in your noodles… don’t lose your cool and just never visit that place again. NEVER cause a scene cos yous be the one who’s makin’ the foo outta yoself.[/quote]
Are you certain these people are not native speakers of Mandarin? I had the impression that at least some of them are ABCs.
And if you can halt your laughter long enough, perhaps you an offer us poor foreign idiots an opinion on the true meaning of 不好意思 in various contexts?
Next time, call Apple daily/Next magazine … garantied success![/quote]
Yeah, exactly, the restaurant should have called and reported on the crazy foreigners who are being "bullies" at a foreign owned restaurant when these folks lost their cool when the restaurant refused to compensate for the group’s meal cos the manager said 不好意思 in an unacceptable way to the western ears.[/quote]
OP is Taiwanese and or ABC. Probably not the only one in his party. All this long thread is over a topic that he should have well known how to behave correctly for Taiwan appropriateness.
The OP said that they wanted to leave, as the other guests had lost their appetites. They weren’t asking for a round of drinks or more free dishes. They simply wanted to be able to leave and not pay for meals that they rightly now had no appetite to enjoy.
The manager refused to allow for this possibility. This is where the row started. I do not see loutish behavior. I see people asking for something reasonable and then responding with anger when that was refused. Note that they did not ask to be allowed to finish their meals (most had just received theirs and the OP had just gotten an appetizer). They wanted out.
Personally I would have just left. No arguments, just informed the manager we had lost our appetites and left.
They really put the screws to them…
Too much screwin around in the kitchen…
The chef musta had a screw loose…
Screw the customer! That’s their policy…
They really screwed this one up…
She should’ve offered them a screwdriver cocktail as compensation … :ohreally:
BTW, was it a screw or a bolt?