Rich tea and sympathy

Thanks a milion for your words. You know the waters have gotten so muddy that i cant see which way is up. its nice to get some other perspectives. I took my girlfriend out to the park and told her that i want to move out of that place. Well… She said quite a few things really. She WANTS to put her parents first at the moment, to say thankyou to them for them money they spent on her foreign education. She thinks moving out is a waste of money, and she enjoys the fact that she doesnt have to clean up at her folks home. I told her that she had to either put the family first or the relationship, and that she couldnt do both at once. I feel a bit selfish about that, but i am desperately unhappy there… I think its good advice to move out. As you say, let her realise how far life with her parents will get her. And I get my freedom, and i may get the girl. Time to stop taking it from behind. Pizza and beer for dinner tonight i think, instead of chickens claws and conversation that is never directed towards me.

Yes, what will it get her? A foreign education, a free ride in life, a mother who’s a maid, probably a new car soon if not already, an apartment, etc., etc.
There’s a reason so many Chinese kids put their family first.

I’m not saying this to be rude to your girlfriend, but to point out that she probably has a lot more to gain being loyal to her family than you.

As for you miss alien thing, what on earth is your problem? Yeah patterson has been a bit of a sap for the past two months, but so what? Who, including you, hasn’t when it comes to relationships? Since the guy had already come to realize this he didn’t need you to rub it in. What kind of person takes advantage of someone down to add insult to injury?

well, look i dont think i am a sap. i was not in possession of all the facts at once. they have slowly leaked out over the weeks. As to ms alien, i asked for some advice rather than a general bashing from you. I believe that your own ‘personal issues’ may take much longer to sort out than my situational crisis.
Touche.

Patterson,

What a shitty welcome to Taiwan you have received!

The same thing happened to me so I’m not talking out my ass here!

17 years ago, I arrived in Taiwan, engaged and eager to explore. Within six months of living with the inlaws, I was ready to off myself! Sitting in my little bedroom, listening to another screaming match, I realized it was time to go. Packed my stuff and got the hell out. Best move I ever made…

The things that shook me the most about the whole mess were that one, I would put up with it for so long and second, how little I really knew about my future bride…Goodness, do some people put on a different face when overseas.

This is a no-win situation for you…GET THE HELL OUT TODAY!

Taichung is too close…Get some distance and some perspective. If she joins you, fine, if not, get out there and see what Taiwan has to offer! This is a great place to live in so many ways, it sucks that you’ve had to be inducted here as a virtual prisoner.

Also, for all of you posting anything less than helpful comments; Please remember he had the onions to vent it out here, so give the guy a break!

My fiance followed me, but the damage was done… I would bet you’re going to have the same result…Anyone that would willingly subject their partner to this sort of living environment and not be sensitve enough to realize what it’s doing to them? MOVE OUT! Don’t be confrontational with the inlaws, it’s not worth your time…As for the girlfriend, a nice note saying something like “Sorry, this is NOT what I signed up for” should do nicely :wink:

Lastly, you need to figure out whether or not Taiwan is even the right place for you. Had it not been for her, very likely you wouldn’t be here correct? Until you get off that merry-go-round, none of these questions can be answered!

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

mjb and patt, some great posts, brian on the ball as well. you made a mistake p, this is taiwan and you did not see that coming. you need a basic change in the relations between you and your girlfriend and her family before anything positive is going to happen. “to be negative about it” as is said in taiwan it sounds like dad is keeping you around just to keep you in a subservient position. good luck.

Its hard to face the truth. We have talked a lot since i wrote my original e-mail. It seems to her that i dont understand how hard it is for her. she has to try to please both me and her family. And she knows she is doing a crappy job on both counts. I have succeeeded in making her miserable now. I think things are slowlymfalling apart. i am going to stop blaming her fr this situation and do something about it. Of course, if it sdont work out, i will go back to blighty. Nothing against what you guys are achieving here, but i only came for the girl. Maybe thats part of my trouble…

You don’t understand how hard it is for her? Oh, boo hoo. So she’s turning it back on you, as guilty people often do. Please, Patterson, as someone who has also been through this crap before, do yourself a favor and get out. Don’t waste your life and time on this. She made herself miserable. Now pack your stuff and go.

Yes. She has to choose whether she wants the vibrator of money or the vibrator of love. She can’t double dip. Use reverse pyschology. Her father is a self made man. Tell her to be strong and make decisions on her own like he did at one time. Tell her point blank that 30 years ago, her father had the refinement and manners of a monkey. Tell her you do not appreciate the uncouth manners and ungracious attitudes her father has displayed. Tell her that she had better get back in your good books, or its bon voyage charlie. If she keeps playing both sides, leave her and play hardball. I hate princesses, except in the shrills of passion! Lickidy J. Split to that!!!

Ouch!
Well, be sure to check out the tourist spots before you leave.

Sorry Patterson, didn’t mean to insult you. I meant sap more in the Humphrey Bogart kind of way which is that fallign for any woman by definition makes one a sap. :smiley:

Good luck, but I think you’re pretty clear on things now so you shouldn’t need it.

just reading this for the first time.

So, have you left yet? will you?

sounded to me like she was taking advantage of the situation (using it to make her father shower her with money) and putting you on the backburner…
as to whatever promises she made to you sounds they went up in smoke the moment she walked in her parents’ home.
the guilt trip, if that’s what you’re getting, is pretty much the surest sign u can get to make a move. if you relent, she will know she can push you around anytime (read: lifetime, yours) with a sob story. if you stand up and walk away, as the other poster said, it’s a win-win.
good luck

Woo! Stuck in Shalu with a bunch of assholes. I feel your pain. My in-laws are nice people, but even so, one day at their place in sunny Wuchi is enough to have me chewing the carpets. And Wuchi is the Riviera compared to Shalu.
Chalk it up to experience, but don’t leave Taiwan altogether until you’ve at least had a taste of life in the city. Its another world compared to where you’re stuck right now.

Don’t mean to be out of order here but I suggest you drop into the good old Pig Pen and see if some part of that fair city doesn’t want to have a taste of you. :wink:

HG

29, me too.
Living near Shalu
Call me
P.M me

Bassman’ll sort you out. Might as well go and get yourself a flat in Taichung or Taipei and make a few bob before you go back to Blighty (if that’s on the cards). I can see how this would put you off Taiwan for life, though. If the bird gets tired of spending Daddy’s money she might come after you, but it’s unlikely. Sorry.

Patterson

I was going to sugg. the same thing, get in touch with bassman and he will def. be able to help you out, you might even get at job at his place and be independent. Get away from the wife because it seems like she is back to her comfy zone where she is protected and doesn’t wanna do anything or be challenge. On the other hand, Taiwan is a whole new world and experience for you, enjoy it while you can. Not everybody is like you to get this kind of oppt. to come to Asia.

Remember to update us on how you are doing!!

  • MiakaW