Is your wife under a lot of pressure from family or peers? My kids are in second grade and I can already see the homework encroaching on our family evening/weekend time, not as bad as yours it seems but will likely get worse. My wife is a bit of a perfectionist and will always review the homework and make the kids do revisions which just adds to the time and kids’ frustration, she always insist they revise for ‘exams’ when they are just assessments. Mother-in-law is always checking how the kids are doing and complaining if they kids are not getting top of the class, she even gave a cash reward to one of the kids for winning a pointless class award which left the other kid in tears. My wife is always complaining during homework time that so-and-so’s kids can sit down and do all the homework in 20 minutes why’s it taking you one hour. I kind of feel the homework could be done a lot quicker, but with lower quality, and we could just leave it up to the teachers to judge. But then again most of the homework is for Chinese and I can’t write so am maybe not a good judge, my wife suggests that this style of learning is necessary for Chinese.
It sounds like some of the suggestions to go to a school with more Western-sytle education is a good idea. From what I can tell it seems the public schools fall into two groups: either super-strict endless grind, or kids-run-wild Waldorf types. So it may be pot-luck to try for a public school.
I don’t really agree with the reasoning that the effort is worth it for the kids to be ahead of their peers in the West. Kids there go to schools, then onto university and then onto professions just as well as here, but then also have an opportunity for a rich childhood build upon. I joke to my wife: ‘Elon Musk is one of the richest people on Earth and all he does is build cars and spaceships, all our kids want to do is build cars and spaceships too, let’s give our kids time to get good at this and they can end up rich too.’
I’ve already made up my mind that I refuse to let my child participate in any form of education in Taiwan. If people actually saw what goes on behind the scenes at these private schools (nevermind public as it’s almost expected to be lesser quality) they would be horrified. In my first year in Taiwan I ended up working Kindy at a very wealthy private school.
It was the kind of place where getting Tiffany’s jewellery was considered a low gift, and even Gucci handbags were standard. Once I got an envelope of a grateful parent full of 20 000 NTD. Refused to accept it of course. What I saw at that Kindy was nothing less than military style structure and destruction of the concept of childhood. Parents are very happy when their kids get 99% in some elite school entrance exam without ever thinking about the cost. And I don’t mean financial cost. I spoke to a graduate of said school once and he told me he needed therapy for years just to get over his time there.
Education in Taiwan is all about the results, and to hell with the means. It’s not for me. Compare it to say Finland - a place that I attended university at. Well, wow, just wow. It feels like Taiwan could change their model and attitude towards education but that they don’t want to. Welfare of people always feels like an afterthought in Taiwan.
We actually brought a bunch of workbooks from Taiwan with us so he works on those for a bit almost every night. They cover every subject he was taking in Taiwan at his grade level. We figure it helps keep his Chinese going and he learns stuff he’s interested in.
My son was the one who actually asked that we get these books for him. We don’t push him about doing them but he’s been steadily working through them when he gets home after school.
Even with these books, he still does less homework than he did in Taiwan, which I think is a good thing. And there’s not as much pressure to be the top of the class (other than the pressure he puts on himself). He’s also starting to get into team sports at his new school which we’re glad to see–this was something that he didn’t really get into while we were in Taiwan.
Actually this is the reason why your children have so much homework. Growing up I always hear horror stories about private schools which were (and still are) very extreme about school work. Public schools aren’t like that at all.
Sadly most parents don’t want to change it, they might mutter something but then push the kids like crazy anyway.
Public schools also give a lot of homework, the amount varies by school. Some schools are well.known for.giving more and getting their kids into the best middle schools . Other elementary schools are known for having more slack attitudes…I’ve had some arguments with my spouse about homework as well but it’s very very hard to change attitudes here.
I agree with every single word of this! And you are describing my exact situation. While my mother in law isn’t quite as much an immediate factor, as yours, my wife’s parents are both over achievers in their fields and have always had an extremely hard work ethic. My wife has told me some pretty dark stories about being disciplined for poor grades as a child. My wife also checks my daughters work and makes her do it over if it’s not right. I actually remember a teacher in the past asking her not to do that, but as your wife seems, she literally can not resist herself. I’ve watched my daughter burst into tears watching her erase full sentences of Chinese characters because she thought they were too sloppy.
Sounds like the best of both worlds. Especially movin back at the prime o puberty. You get the hard schooling thing into him young, and then let him grow up socially literate. Great!
The anecdotal stories of serious negative outcomes from Ritalin et al are too numerous. Please stongly reconsider giving your daughter drugs.
If your child does not excel at sitting in her chair like a robot for hours on end, then consider what talents God has given her. Music? Art, writing? Speaking, story telling? Cooking, home making? Sports, nature?
Are parents or grandparents available to homeschool? Taiwan is blessed to be a place with legalized homeschooling. If you are unsatisfied with the way things are then you have the legal option to do something about it. At her age much of homeschooling doesn’t even require much hands on teaching anymore anyways as she can self-learn most of the material. Just need an adult to supervise her through the day (which is why even a grandparent will do - you can inform her of her material for the day, quickly teach any special lessons that need particular attention, then have her self-learn through the day as a relative takes care of her).
You say your daughter is snowed under with Math and Chinese - could you offer to take responsibility for the Math when you are back from work and leave the Chinese to Mom? This way you get some time with your daughter and can try to make it more fun, and Mom gets a break. If you sense your daughter is getting tired or restless you can help out to get the work done.
It’s a difficult situation, obviously your wife wants the best for your kid and in the end she will be able to make it like many other kids here in similar situation. But it seems wrong to be medicating to be able to achieve this. You should try to discuss this with your wife, away from your daughter, about what the options are - move school, try to get the school to reduce the homework, give up some of the other activities until your kid is in more control of what she wants to do, set lower standards when they are tired, etc. and at the same time be supportive of your wife’s ambition for your kid.
Is not easy to be a man these days. From us is expected to be breadwinner, while women want their way at home. Being a foreigner in a conservative isolated society like Taiwan society is, put you in disadvantage position.
Children scores in school is a matter of pride for them. Is deep down encoded in Taiwanese.
Anyone being married with Taiwanese can confirm they are stubborn as hell. When it comes to kids it is hard to deal with them. Almost impossible. I came to conclusions talk is waste of my energy. I do with kids as I feel is right. This is why we live in Germany, cause there in Taiwan my opinion wouldn’t count.
I would do this way. Mention to your wife, you have worries about your daughter well being and you have discussed this with your parents. They would love to see you guys come back. It’s going to be hard to change your wife nature. This is how she is. Either you move back to west or like someone mention get more time with your daughter on your own.
I think these kind of generalizations can be dangerous.
I have a totally different reality at home. Wife is very open to discuss how to deal with the kids and big decisions are always made together. My voice has just as much as value as hers.
If your partner is stubborn, they will be stubborn in Taiwan, Germany, or wherever you are. I don’t think moving to another country will solve it.
Call yourself lucky. It has solved our problems. Living abroad crushed my wife ego a bit and she has realized people with different background approach life differently.
She has become westernized and we can communicate better. Before she always insisted doing everything in typical Taiwanese way.
Living away from her parents, give her a chance to grow and shape her personality independently. They had a lot of demands from us and simple it was not healthy
That they were able to really perform well in science and math in Canada in late junior high and high school to the point of getting scholarships and entrance into top 50 universities (ie UBC) for undergrad and now doctorate programs. Their success in engineering and medical faculties is because of the foundation provided in Taiwan.
I am critical of Taiwan in many areas, have been for decades on this board but also realise the strengths too. Too much rote in Taiwan for sure, but the science and math strengths allow Taiwanese to excel internationally me thinks.
In the right environment, people with ADHD can excel. I would say it’s one of the things that had made my business venture succeed so far. Once you have coping mechanisms and a system of organizing and prioritizing management in place such as a task management system I use for work.
“how white people invented slavery, why all cops hate black people, and why the West is evil in everything it does”
While Whitey may not have invented slavery, he sure helped perpetuate it. Of course all cops don’t hate black people…certainly the black cops don’t. As for the West being evil, well that would require a whole new thread of its own.
