Ouch!
Seriously now, please don’t try this at home. I remember a Grange Hill epsiode (or maybe Tucker’s luck) where young Tucker splashed some colgne down his trousers…well I guess the poor lad was circumcised from the face he pulled.
Does anyone remember Grange Hill (apart from Funk500?)
Getting back on topic I think cologne could be used to clean a screen probably as it would just evapourate off afterwards. 
BTW, don’t calves eat milk?