Hi I’m not asking for advice as I have already made up my mind regarding a guy I’m seeing, which is to not pursue the relationship. Just sharing some of my experience with dating a local guy here as a SouthEast Asian woman. I see a lot of old posts about dating local women, but not much about local guys.
All in all he’s a great guy, he treats me well and spoils me a lot but there are just some aspects that are total dealbreakers to me and idk if its a product of the society he’s living in (Taiwan = racist, conservative, etc etc) or if its a him thing. Here are some things that really disturbed my peace of mind in the few months I’ve been seeing this guy.
Ogling attractive girls on the street. I get looking at attractive people is normal, I do that too, but he stares at them for so long it to the point he’s craning his neck just to see them sometimes. It makes me feel uncomfortable for the women, and it makes me feel insecure about myself. (Told him about this but he’s still doing it maybe he thinks he’s being stealthy.)
Following my pretty friends on IG and stalking their stories??
Obsession with Japan stuff (well he is a weeb after all, totally into anime)
Said I love you a few days we started seeing each other, wants to be exclusive asap (this should have been the biggest red flag)
Always on his phone, cannot put his phone down in his free time
Obsessed with social media, following attractive girls
Cannot have intellectual conversation. When I try to make conversation about serious topics, makes little to no response. Or maybe its because he is not as fluent as me in English.
Always points out how my skin is brown??
Keeps making jokes about my food baby
Asks rude questions like if I would still fit in those shorts after seeing a pic I posted on my IG few years ago
Keeps mentioning he likes big boobs and told me a few times my boobs are small??
Neat freak, we can’t have sex without showering
Most of the time he’s too tired to have sex, which is sad ‘cause I have very high libido. Tbf he works long hours and always on his feet.
Anyway I’ve been feeling really ugly recently to the point I don’t even want sex anymore because I just feel undesired. I can’t help but compare myself to all the fair-skinned, thinner women he’s ogling all the time. It should be obvious right? He’s not into me but I’m the easier catch since in his eyes I’m lower-caste as a SE Asian.
But he treats me so good in other ways that its really confusing to me. Buys me gifts, cooks for me, introduces me to friends and family, takes me anywhere in Taiwan. And whenever I suggest we see other people, he begs for me not to do it and assures me he is attracted to me but he’s just too tired during workdays. Tbh idk and now idc anymore.
I think I got a body complex after all this. I’m already insecure enough as it is.
So after writing all this down Idk why I dated him this long. Well he did make my stay here easier with my almost 0 Chinese skills. Also I think I’m way too nice… sigh Well that’s it thanks for coming to my Ted Talks lol
I’d say the items above are down to him being Tawanese.
This society has very narrow beauty standards and obviously he’s following them to a degree.
Intellectual conversation is an issue for some Taiwanese because they were never taught to speak up in school. Whole life is listen to teacher, listen to parents, listen to boss. Of course not all Taiwanese are like that but more common than back home.
Showering before sex thing is common here and Japan, unsure why: maybe embarrassment or feeling that sex is “dirty”.
I’d say the rest is on him: that’s just his personality. Sounds like a nice-ish guy but creepy in some aspects like staring at women. You’ll be better off as just friends.
I dunno. When I was a player (two centuries ago), I always insisted on a wash before sex. Too many bad prior experiences. When you’re going down on a girl, you’re kinda committed. You can’t just jerk your head away and start retching. It would hurt their feelings. Best to be prepared, so you don’t offend their sensibilities.
There’s a lot of girls sharing gym pics all the time now on social media. Full on weight training. Also lots of girls want butts due to the twerking craze, Megan Thee Stallion etc. You can’t twerk with no butt.