[quote=“kellohitty”]I agree with Bodo. Most Women can’t just turn it on and off like a lightbulb. You want sex: Sure, just flip the switch. Men are more like that. Add in a blow job and they’re as happy as larks.
It takes time to turn a woman on. I find, you can’t go wrong starting off with a massage to help relax her and it’s also a good way to just run your hands all over her naked body.
The problem is, a lot of the time, time. You need a certain amount of time in order to do this and you don’t always have it.
I hope that helps.[/quote]
Lalala… I get up early in tthe mornings too! There’s not much better in life than waking up with someone you have some sense of intimacy with, and having enough time to explore all the possibilities inherent in the situation.
I doubt you’re going to get that with someone who is living to local standards regarding work, health, how much sleep you need, etc. It’s nothing to do with her not liking sex, it sounds like she does when you persuade her to get it on. I think it’s simply a problem of priorities.
Nothing’s going to change without some serious heart-to-heart talking, and she probably doesn’t want to do that either. What is she going to hear? That she’s not doing her duty? That’ll cheer her up no end, won’t it? I don’t think so, it’ll just add to the pressure she’s already under and the basic problem is how she manages pressure.
Personally I would try communicating my feelings non-verbally. Reject her. She wants to be tactile and affectionate? Sit there all rigid and unresponsive. She’s too tired for nookie? Turn your back in a huff. She’s nice to you? Respond without enthusiasm. She tries to make up, just remind her that she’s too tired. Insist everything’s OK while making it blatantly obvious that she’s in danger of losing you.
Let her know that there is a problem and make her ask you what’s wrong. Until she recognises that something is wrng it’s going to be a case of you making unreasonable demands on someone who has more ‘important’ things to do.
When she realises that she is jeapordising your relationship she might start to re-evaluate her own behaviour. Either she’ll decide that she doesn’t want to stop living the only way she knows how, and go join the ranks of lonely spinster career-women, or she’ll try to adapt. If the latter it’s going to be really tough for her. You’re up against a lifetime of social conditioning.
I think I would avoid making sex the central issue. “You don’t have time for me, you’re always too tired,” is better than “I haven’t had a blowjob for a month.” You can do all that emotional “I want you so much” stuff once you’re actually talking. “I feel like you’ve lost interest in me, and your jobs are more important than I am.” - she has to deny that, right?
Then she has to give a commitment to making you the most important thing in her life, which in turn places a heavy burden on you in terms of filling her needs. Take it step by step. The vacation sounds like a good idea.
Step one could be an agreement that when the thesis is done the two of you are going to take a week or two away from everything and focus on each other. If she can’t do that then all is lost. Give it up.
And kellohitty, I’ve offered you no end of massages. Why don’t you ever find time for me?
… Why don’t you start a new thread?
