I just read a line [quote]This may sound far out, but, I think sometimes siblings of the opposite sex will start a fight as a way of dealing with sexual feelings they might have for each other. It’s one way to maintain a safe distance.[/quote]
I do worry about this in our home. I don’t have siblings and all my cousins are male . And I only say them annually or bi-annually, which was not much so any sexual feelings between us (if any) never registered or at least I don’t remember, how they were dealt with. The husband has a younger bro, and well I can’t broach this subject with him, coz his eyes glaze up as if I was talking alienspeak.
Now, my son is a humper and he knows very well that he can’t hump his sister and she knows she should not allow him too. But we keep tabs on him. Hopefully this shouldn’t be an issue, once he is a bit older. However, my question is this, as parents, do you ‘keep an eye out’?? People who have siblings of the opposite sex, how did your parents teach you to maintain that distance?
Do people have at some point, early teens or before get attracted to their siblings? Is there curiosity? I know this is a dicey topic and I am really not talking about incest, I am merely talking about feelings and how to deal with them. My not yet 5 year old, blushes when she is around geges (10 and older). And she doesn’t know marriage, realized she was a girl only last year (much to her doctor’s surprise), but she has feelings. So logically the young boy should too. DO we talk about these things, or let it pass or what?
I Think I am just talking aloud is all, I know we’ll cross the bridge when it comes. I am just nervous raising 2 kids coz I don’t have a role model I identify with.
You know who to talk to about that one – she was at your house on Saturday. Get the facts, Divea, not the armchair mutterings from a bunch of know-nothing flobbers with too much time on their hands.
However, that said, are you quite sure the humping is sexual? It could simply be trying to establish dominance. Not pleasant, but very far from sexual? I don’t know.
How strikingly odd. I’ve never heard or come across anything like this.
From what I know, even unrelated children raised communally, will be (naturally) subject to incest taboos and automatically (without prompting) later seek mates from outside the community. On the other hand, blood relations not raised together may not develop that taboo, and if introduced as adults develop a sexual attraction.
[quote=“sandman”]You know who to talk to about that one – she was at your house on Saturday. Get the facts, Divea, not the armchair mutterings from a bunch of know-nothing flobbers with too much time on their hands.
However, that said, are you quite sure the humping is sexual? It could simply be trying to establish dominance. Not pleasant, but very far from sexual? I don’t know.[/quote]
Yeah she is quite busy and we are not exactly pals, but good idea.
Yes this boy’s humping is sexual, but not in a ‘wrong’ way. He likes it so he does it. Mostly on me, and especially if he finds bare arms, or skin. No biggie really.
Like I said I was surprised to read that line I quoted in a sibling rivalry book is all.
Div, I think maybe this could be caused by foreskin issues (if your son isn’t circumcised).
My boy never did the humping you talk about, but used to pull on his penis just about constantly. It was just because the foreskin was detaching (it’s fully attached when they are born), and this skin seperation process can cause a somewhat “itchy” feeling. My boy pulled on it a lot, maybe you boy just rubbs or “humps.”
And he may be doing it especially to you or his sister because you two are known and comforting to him? Just some thoughts from another woman raising a boy. Hope it helps.
Nah he is humping. It’s pretty normal. Girls do it too. Kind of like that puppy of yours without descended testicles. I could go on about that, but it is immaterial.
I am still intrigued, about how parents teach what is proper.
This is very apt and I was mulling over it this evening. True what you say and as I was thinking about it, I know of a lot of incidents where there were exceptions. Cousins, close friends, neighbours, who were supposed to be “brotherly/sisterly” end up having an affair or a relationship and the community (or families) are shocked and mostly those relationships fail.
I found this interesting article on kids’ sexuality but it doesn’t say much about feelings and attractions.
Well, the feelings and attractions thing is what I was trying to address–I guess I did it too clumsilly. I’m trying to say that the fact that you think your son or daughter may have “feelings and attractions” for one another is the strange thing.
Toddlers do “hump.” Yes, girls do it, too, you are right. But that doesn’t mean they have “feelings or attractions” for each other. My puppy has no feelings or attractions for his pillow, right? So the concern about incest or the like is the strange thing to me.
I just thought maybe I could give you a better reason than “feelings or attractions” to think about that might explain the behavior you described. Maybe I just didn’t clearly understand your first post.
Not trying to put words into your mouth, Divea, sorry. That’s just how I read that, apparently. I mean, I can’t even imagine having sexual feelings toward my brother! Blech! But I was attracted to a male cousin, once. Actually, he’s still gorgeous. But just because I think my cousin is handsome, that doesn’t translate into feeling like I want to have sex with him. I guess it’s just hard to understand what your concern is.
Have you read "Everything you wanted your kids to know about sex (but hoped they’d never ask)? I have a copy and find it very useful for my questions/concerns as well as the kids’.
No worries. thanks for trying. Usually I talk to a lot of people about parenting and someone or the other gets it. Most of my issues have been resolved or placated by moms I know. I guess talking IRL is different from being on the net. I like to get as many opinions and POVs as possible.
Both my children are sexual beings, and I respect and acknowledge that. they in turn will know that their own sibling is off the radar, but doesn’t it happen??? Or rather does it happen? Especially when they are 10-12 years of age. When they are still kids, but …ah well. Another day.
Have you read "Everything you wanted your kids to know about sex (but hoped they’d never ask)? I have a copy and find it very useful for my questions/concerns as well as the kids’.[/quote]
Nopes, but I guess it will be my next purchase. Thanks. M is now asking about tampons and sanitary stuff, and I well, I need that book.
Divea, you’re a conscientious mom who enjoys finding out the facts and you are clearly aware that your kids are sexual beings, so all I can say is :bravo: