Ever seen one of those “two chatbots conversing” things on YouTube? I suspect I’m about to embark on one of those, but here goes.
I’m probably Aspergers. Or at least I was when I was younger. I didn’t know what it was called, but I know what it feels like. I made a conscious effort to do something about it (as I assume you did). My method was to construct what would be called an observer process in control systems terminology: an explicit mental model (to augment what, I believe, boils down to an underdeveloped theory of mind) of how ‘normal’ people behave, against which I can gauge my own reactions and adjust as required. It took decades to do this. It used to be a whole load of mental effort, but it now seems to be successfully installed as part of my mental software. Funnily enough, it works even when I’m drunk. It sits there in the background, stone-cold sober, informing me that I’m starting to act like a bit of a dick and I should stop drinking. I’m pretty happy with the general outcome. It genuinely does feel like having an auxiliary consciousness.
I also have a degree in psychology and I know how autism spectrum is conceptualized and diagnosed in academia and clinical practice.
You are of course right that “normal” psychologists/psychiatrists know what they know from textbooks. But how could it be otherwise? They cannot experience every single psychological disorder they might encounter during their careers. So yes, they probably don’t grok what it’s like to be autistic (or Asperger’s - I really don’t think those two diagnoses belong together). But I don’t think you can criticize them for that.
My take on the matter is this: whatever might or might not be wrong with me, I’d prefer to take my chances being judged the same way as anyone else. I’m not going to be medicalized, given a leg-up, pitied, or given therapy. I’m not going to expect other people to “do the right thing”. In my 20s and 30s I struggled in similar ways to TL regarding interviews and similar situations, but my workarounds now work pretty well. I’ll never get promoted into a mainstream middle-management position. People like us, I think, are stuck in a sort of psychological uncanny valley: people sense that there’s something not quite right, but it’s hard to pin down exactly what is wrong. Whatever. Fuck 'em. I’ll make my own path through life, thanks very much, and although I rather regret spending my teens and 20s getting to that lightbulb moment, at this point it’s all working out pretty well.
@Taiwan_Luthiers: if I could offer you any single piece of advice it would be this: accept it. Make your peace with God. Jump off a shrimping boat and swim around for a bit if you have to. Life sucks for everyone, and everyone gets their own unique slice of cosmic suckery. Being Asperger’s, in the grand scheme of things, is not that bad. It’s better (IMO) than, say, having no legs.
As regards interviews, bear in mind that appearances count for a lot. Get yourself a tailored suit. If you’re out of shape, get yourself fit and lean. Get a haircut. And remember that most interviews work by just deciding whether the interviewers like you or not. Smile, relax, and listen. Give simple answers. You’ll be fine.