So, How far has she gone from me?

Life Dating & Relationships
1

I am gonna make a long long story short.
I had been very happy with a taiwanese missus for over 5 years, when last year shit started hitting the fan as the mix long-distance-for-nearly-a-year + traditional-family-seriously-kicking-in did disasters.

A long time of trouble later, I’ve returned Taiwan and started to work there again since a little while, and have done my best to regain the missus, whom I live with. She now wants to move out and consider that we are done.

There has been another guy circling around for a little while now, which she described as a friend when i mentionned that he was too close to be honest, and i would like to know exactly what is going on.
So i took a few shots of a text he sent her, and was wondering if any of you could give a hand with the chinese characters?
My aim in posting this is to get an idea of where exactly i am standing, can you help?

EDIT: Sorry I removed the images to protect us all.

2

Dude, nobody likes to be the bearer of bad tidings, so most people are not going to be comfortable responding to your query.

For what its worth, here’s my take: She is already long, long, long gone. Not sure why she moved back in w/ you now that you’ve returned. Perhaps out of guilt … who knows. It looks like she has been having an affair with this guy, but moved back in w/ you to give it the proverbial ‘one last shot.’ He obviously always stayed close to the sidelines. Sounds like she’s given notice that you’re done, and sounds like that decision has been carefully weighed.

Perhaps time to cut your loses and move on?

3

Notwithstanding the fact that I find it strange one couldn’t find an alternate source of translation, it does sound like one fucked-up shituation.
I suggest that one take a breather, don’t dwell on the obvious heartache, back off for a while, weigh one’s options. Don’t ask too many questions, as you will only meet more evasion. If you think your past behaviour has been good, then maintain one’s dignity. If it’s been bad, then give up the ghost.
In any event, back off for some perspective.
Vengeance, if justified, can wait.
Best of luck with a bad turn of events.

4

Bloody hell! Stealing your wife’s phone and posting her messages on the Internet. Class. Pure class. She’s a lucky lady indeed!

5

Yeah, whatever shot you had is gone when she finds this out!

6

For what it’s worth, my GF says this sounds like a high school love letter and doesn’t necessarily mean your missus is having an affair with this guy. After all, he went to watch the stars alone.

Other than that, I agree with housecat, so better delete the pics sooner than later.

7

I don’t have the intestinal fortitude to translate them sentence by sentence but the first one is a sappy love letter about how the author was thinking of your SO while he was counting stars. “And then I saw your smile in the moon as if I were in a movie…” The second one and third one are along the lines of “My angel, I miss you. The weather today is as warm and sunny as our feelings for each other…”

Now there are two ways you can interpret this. Either one, she’s sending him the same sort of googly messages that she’s getting and the fact that she hasn’t dumped you yet is inexplicable. The second interpretation is that he’s trying to mack on her, i.e. he’s sending a lot of this BS to try to woo her, but she’s being a lot more demure in response.

The truly incriminating evidence would be in her sent messages folder. But I think there’s already a clue in the 3rd message, which starts off with “Thanks for the well wishes. To wake up to this warm weather and your warm greetings makes me the luckiest and happiest man in the world.” I’m assuming that he sent this message in response to her saying rise and shine, my cuddlywuddley or some nonsense like that. Go ahead and try to find the message she sent to him the morning of the 27th/night of the 26th.

Speaking as a guy whose cell phone has been snooped through before, IMO, this shit is fair game. You have every right to bring this up with her, but I would say that your odds of salvaging this relationship are slim.

Christ, when my girlfriend complains about me not being romantic enough, is this what she’s expecting?

On a side note, how old is your SO (wife? fiancee?) and this other guy?

8

I appreciate the softness with which some of you have been speaking. But do not fear, i do not intend to expose any of this to her, or to anybody else. I’m just trying to assess what is the situation. Don’t be afraid to bring bad news, I came here to know what is real, and I know the situation is already very very poor.

Eclectic, each relationship is particular to each couple, and hence I’m not sure of the interpretation you may make of it. Would you kindly detail me what make you think what you said? I have no madness about this situation since i made my own mistakes that led to it, but I’d like to get a clear picture of “where” is she and what links her to this other guy.

GingerMan, call it sad but i have no friends in this country. I just know nobody. I came here for her, lived every moment by her side, and never took the care to build friendships. The friendships that i had here in the past I’ve lost because of my incessant travels. So to get to know what these messages means i can either ask you, or my workmates (and my job is way too serious for me to even remotely discuss the topic).
Believe me i dont want any revenge, since, as i mentionned, i dug my own grave. I only have sadness for this situation, and the feeling that being in this country without her is a cold rainy hell. So i’d like to know the exact state of things so that i can make up my mind and assess all of this clearly to make my next move.

Sandman, you know nothing, take a step back.

Housecat, she won’t know a word. I cherish her too much to show her this. And I’m not subject to madness or hate enough to even undermean it in a conversation with her. And yes, she would hate it, and it would ruin anything left.

What I am trying to know here is what are my options:
-Wait 6 months or a year, go back full blown, Serenade her balcony every night, and submerge her into a whirl of attention and romance to try and smitten her again.
-Understand that she is with this other guy for good and move from it.

I also understand that you want to advise me to what you think is best for me, from your own experiences. I appreciate this, but obviously need to make my own journey to either get closure or rebirth. Hence i need to know facts more than opinions to be able to do this on my own.

Thanks

9

[quote=“hypermegaglobal”]For what it’s worth, my GF says this sounds like a high school love letter and doesn’t necessarily mean your missus is having an affair with this guy. After all, he went to watch the stars alone.

Other than that, I agree with housecat, so better delete the pics sooner than later.[/quote]
The pictures never made it to my hard disk! Straight from the memory card to the internet.
You see what was a real pain is that i didnt even know the message was about watching the stars… Chinese characters are such a pain to learn…

[quote=“alidarbac”]I don’t have the intestinal fortitude to translate them sentence by sentence but the first one is a sappy love letter about how the author was thinking of your SO while he was counting stars. “And then I saw your smile in the moon as if I were in a movie…” The second one and third one are along the lines of “My angel, I miss you. The weather today is as warm and sunny as our feelings for each other…”

Now there are two ways you can interpret this. Either one, she’s sending him the same sort of googly messages that she’s getting and the fact that she hasn’t dumped you yet is inexplicable. The second interpretation is that he’s trying to mack on her, i.e. he’s sending a lot of this BS to try to woo her, but she’s being a lot more demure in response.

The truly incriminating evidence would be in her sent messages folder. But I think there’s already a clue in the 3rd message, which starts off with “Thanks for the well wishes. To wake up to this warm weather and your warm greetings makes me the luckiest and happiest man in the world.” I’m assuming that he sent this message in response to her saying rise and shine, my cuddlywuddley or some nonsense like that.
[/quote]
Many thanks, you’ve been very helpful!
This what i am trying to assess, is he still trying his best, or did he get anywhere already.

[quote=“alidarbac”]Go ahead and try to find the message she sent to him the morning of the 27th/night of the 26th.[/quote] She is gone abroad until next monday so this will have to wait…

[quote=“alidarbac”]
Christ, when my girlfriend complains about me not being romantic enough, is this what she’s expecting?[/quote] From what i understand and have seen about Taiwan’s romantism, it is!
One of her male friend from junior high school sent her a bottle filled of sand and shells. Inside was a scroll where he had written his love for her…

[quote=“alidarbac”]On a side note, how old is your SO (wife? fiancee?) and this other guy?[/quote] The SO is 29…

10

She may find this site, too, you know, if not now then later. How would it be if you work it out now, and five years later she stumbles accross this old thread?

This is a betrayal of her private thoughts and emotions. The situation you are in is not enviable, but you are not helping yourself. If you love her, first you have to respect her.

11

Ah, but you are in error, my little grasshopper. I know all. All. Keep your chin up, my young compadre. Truly, the shit is lapping at your moustache.

12

Falmer, I appreciate where you’re coming from, but you really didn’t need to spy on her private messages “to get an idea of where exactly you’re standing”.

“She now wants to move out and consider that we are done.”

That pretty much says it all. Sorry dude.

13

[quote]What I am trying to know here is what are my options:
-Wait 6 months or a year, go back full blown, Serenade her balcony every night, and submerge her into a whirl of attention and romance to try and smitten her again.
-Understand that she is with this other guy for good and move from it. [/quote]
I’d strongly recommend the second. She thinks you two are done; she does not only receive poetic loveletters on her cellphone but, more tellingly, she doesn’t throw them out.
Don’t go back to her after six months or a year. Use that time to find a woman who does love you.

Best of luck.

14

No it isn’t. These aren’t private thoughts. She’s flirting (or worse) with another man while she is still with the OP. Whatever moral wrong he’s committed by reading their correspondences is eclipsed by her betrayal. Yes, their relationship is obviously ending, but unless it’s over, her behavior is unacceptable. His suspicions and investigations are completely justified.

I disagree. At least know he’s got a better idea of where he stands.

How can he be expected to respect someone who is seeing (or leading on) another man?

15

Sage advice.

16

No it isn’t. These aren’t private thoughts. She’s flirting (or worse) with another man while she is still with the OP. Whatever moral wrong he’s committed by reading their correspondences is eclipsed by her betrayal. Yes, their relationship is obviously ending, but unless it’s over, her behavior is unacceptable. His suspicions and investigations are completely justified.

I disagree. At least know he’s got a better idea of where he stands.

How can he be expected to respect someone who is seeing (or leading on) another man?[/quote]

I don’t argue that her cheating, emotionally or other wise is wrong, but two wrongs don’t make a right. And his investigation is one thing, but posting her messages on the internet are another. Surely he could have gotten a trusted friend to translate?

Yes, it’s good to know where he stands, but as another poster pointed out–She’s said it’s over and she wants to move out. That’s pretty clear. Unfortunatly, once one partner decides to quit the relationship and makes other relationships that don’t include the husband or wife, that new relationship is private. I agree that it’s a dispicable thing to do, especially right under his nose, but we don’t know what led up to it after all. And it looks like they both have lost a lot of respect for eachother. As far as I’m concerned, no amount of time or singing below windows is going to make a relationship work without respect.

I agree that it’s good advice to more forward with the OP’s own life. This kind of greif can take ages. It’s better to accept it now.

17

[quote=“housecat”] Surely he could have gotten a trusted friend to translate?
[/quote]

I’m with GBH on this.

In a land where language barrier can be totally alienating, sometimes the resources wear thin. The OP also has the option to delete the images later once he gets the translation help he needs.

marboulette

18

I don’t think any of his messages explicitly states that their feelings for each other are mutual. Rather, in the 2nd message, it says that he commands the weather in Taipei to be “as sunny as our dispositions”.

But has she really gone abroad? FYI, the messages indicate he’s in southern Taiwan.

There’s also another female called Yuanyuan mentioned in the first message. Perhaps that will give you a clue.

19

[quote=“marboulette”][quote=“housecat”] Surely he could have gotten a trusted friend to translate?
[/quote]

I’m with GBH on this.

In a land where language barrier can be totally alienating, sometimes the resources wear thin. The OP also has the option to delete the images later once he gets the translation help he needs.

marboulette[/quote]

I do feel for the guy. I hadn’t noticed that he had no friends in Taiwan. And yes, his situation would be terribly alienating. It makes things all the more ugly. Not a healthy way to live, completely dependant on one’s partner for every kind of socialization.

20

[quote=“marboulette”][quote=“housecat”] Surely he could have gotten a trusted friend to translate?
[/quote]

I’m with GBH on this.

In a land where language barrier can be totally alienating, sometimes the resources wear thin. The OP also has the option to delete the images later once he gets the translation help he needs.

marboulette[/quote]
Good points.
I hope the OP will get the info he needs to make a sound decision.