I had a lousy date a few days ago, which ended with me walking off in disgust and seeking consolation in a certain establishment where I am known to the staff.
In fact, I’m not simply known. I have a reputation for doing outlandish things like inviting the staff to go on holiday with me, or suggesting that they leave their current SO to become my concubine. I make these offers freely to all and sundry, without any hope that any of them will ever take me up on them. I figure that outrageous flirting will be received better than actually coming onto them, which must happen all the time. So, for instance, I never do anything as mundane as ask for a telephone number.
On this particular night I was approached by an angry young lady with a serious bone to pick. It seems that the last time I saw her, some weeks ago, I had suggested a week in Bali. She reckons that this must be the tenth time I’ve asked her, but it’s unique because she had actually decided to call my bluff.
Apparently she had written her phone number on my receipt, and told me to call her when she was off work. This never happens, and anyway I was in such a hurry to get away from some really annoying guy who had decided to sit next to me and regale me with interesting stories about being an engineer that I didn’t notice!
So I walked off, leaving the receipt on the bar where - you guessed it - Mr Annoying picked it up. Yes, he did call, and yes, she is really bloody annoyed with me.
After you slap me, please buy me a drink.