Something funny for dog lovers

[Sherryx]

10 peeves that dogs have about humans

1.Blaming your farts on me… not funny… not funny at all !!!

2. Yelling at me for barking… I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose… stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for someone at the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”, then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back for a checkup!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9.Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven’t you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these thing’s, We both know who’s boss here!!! You don’t see me picking up your turds do you ???

[magnolia]

And regarding no.6, my three-month old female pup has worked out the old sleight of hand trick already and watches the two five-year-old boys run off like idiots with a very bemused look on her face! She just needs 20 more pounds and she’ll be top bitch!

[anon38216271]

11)Getting upset when you catch us on your bed. Hello, have you laid on the floor lately?

12)Complaining about shedding. Well at least mine grows back

[Big_Fluffy_Matthew]

Don’t watch me while I poop, what sort of weirdo does that ?

Get your own stick back. If you wanted the stick, why did you throw it away in the first place ?

[gaboman]

To God, From Dogs:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the “Chrysler Beagle”?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’. Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello”.
11. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

Last of all, Dear God: when I get to Heaven, may I have my testicals back?