My husband suffers from infertility. One day I was browsing the net, and I read about this woman who can’t have babies, cause she can’t produce eggs at all. She said she’s thinking about egg banks, so that’s where I got the idea from.
This is a whole new concept for us. My husband thinks it’s a bit weired, he grew up in a Christian family. Me I don’t know what to make of it. There are no sperm banks in Taiwan cause it’s not exactly legal here as far as I know. I have read news about some local celebrity woman who’s single and over 40, went to the States specially for this.
My husband’s not against the idea but let’s just say he’s not embracing it with both arms either. I think the problem is, if I was a rich, single lesbian who wants to be mom, I wouldn’t hesitate…as much. Obviouly if I was gonna do it, I would try and choose someone who has the same blood type, hair color and eye color as my husband, but is this enough? I mean I know the baby’s goona be my flesh and blood, but would my husband feel the same? What if the kid sass him one day and he suddenly remembers that the kid isn’t really his? Or would all this go away when he sees the sweet little face? What do we tell the child?
This has nothing to do with Christianity. I grew up in a Christian family, and I don’t have a problem with it. As for whether or not your husband will love the kid as he would his own, I can’t say. All the adoptive parents I know love their kids every bit as much as other parents love their kids. I can’t imagine that surrogacy would be much different.
Give your husband a chance, too. After the kid is born, after the kid is interacting with him, I’m sure he’ll bond. Don’t expect him to be at the same emotional “place” you are at every step of the journey. As long as you’re both going in the same direction, things will be ok.
[quote=“sheknows15”] What if the kid sass him one day and he suddenly remembers that the kid isn’t really his? Or would all this go away when he sees the sweet little face? What do we tell the child?
I wish there were books about this sort of thing…[/quote]
There probably are books about it.
I imagine that they will tell you that for a man to do this he would need to overcome a monster load of egoism first. That might be easier for the younger generation, I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that “I” couldn’t/wouldn’t/shouldn’t do it even if I wanted/needed to, which I don’t.
Ultimately it is about what is good for the child, but if it isn’t good for the father it won’t be good for the child either. No situation is absolutley perfect going into a pregnancy. I guess you just have to ask yourself if you have crossed into good enough territory or not.
Myself, I really admire people who adopt.
I might not repsond to this topic after this. Nothing personal, I’m just busy.
I have a friend in HK who is in his 50s and has had the op. His SO is much younger but was running short of time and went down the donor route in Hong Kong (not so far to go).
IVF is very cheap in Taiwan but I think you need to prove that you are married to the donor (some crafty handwork on your hubbies part might suffice) otherwise you will need to consider that HK is more expensive and the US is VERY expensive by comparison to Taiwan.
My friend btw is very attached to his daughter, despite having serious misgivings about it all before the fact.
I also know adoptive parents who have fully bonded with a child, the male ego is probably the hardest hurdle, but this is a cultural assertion that “the apple doesnt fall far from the tree” (christian belief) so I would agree that some ideas in our culture form the idea that a genetic or “blood” relationship is stronger
However, just looking around at how kids mimic their parents, and my personal belief, a nuture based relationship can be just as strong as a blood relationship.
Maybe the most fair practice is to adopt, but if you have an overwhelming desire to have children then this may lead to resentment on your part if the opportunity is missed.
Have you fully investigated his fertility issue? diet, smoking, alcohol, underwear, stress, other medicaments…
There ARE sperm banks in Taiwan. I have a friend who’s a doctor, who says the hospital is often asking doctors to donate sperm because it’s high on the desirability criteria - highly educated, wealthy, etc etc, must have good genes…
But before you go there you should definately, as Bismark pointed out, fully investigate your husband’s fertility. Read up on the problem and try changing diet, exercise patterns, reducing stress, and so on. After that, look into IVF, where it’s your egg and his sperm, just being joined together in a laboratory instead of in bed. Most men would find that easier to accept than donated sperm.
Thanks, everyone.
I should have made it more clear that we have tried IVF like 4 times already. The last time the doctor got so desperate he planted 4 embryos. I even consulted a tarot reader about when would be the best time to do it, but still nothing.
So we have tried IVF, changing diet, going on numerous vacations, the poor sucker even drank the Chinese medicine my mother prepared daily for several months. Who knows, we might even try acupuncture next.
I’ve always known that he will make a much better father than me as a mother, cause he just loves any kids. So I guess he will probably love “my kid” as well, but I just don’t know for sure.
Well, I didn’t know that, but I guess it could be a wee bit difficult to find a sperm donor of the same skin, hair, eye color and blood type as my husband in Taiwan, unless you guys know any forumosan here who’s kind enough to help.
[quote=“sheknows15”]
Well, I didn’t know that, but I guess it could be a wee bit difficult to find a sperm donor of the same skin, hair, eye color and blood type as my husband in Taiwan, unless you guys know any forumosan here who’s kind enough to help. [/quote]
[quote=“Edgar Allen”][quote=“sheknows15”]
Well, I didn’t know that, but I guess it could be a wee bit difficult to find a sperm donor of the same skin, hair, eye color and blood type as my husband in Taiwan, unless you guys know any forumosan here who’s kind enough to help. [/quote]
If me or my wife was unable to reproduce I think we both would be more comfortable with a adoption.
Sure there is a ego in us that are forcing us to reproduce, but it might be better to put that aside and just adopt instead.
And here I was reading this gravedug thread thinking I was gonna read something juicy in 2019 like someone pleading for a member of this fine community to help cut out the middleman.
