“His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going.”
“The slow motion replay doesn’t show how fast the ball was travelling.”
“Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle.”
“He’s usually a good puller, but he couldn’t get it up that time.”
“The Queen’s Park Oval, exactly as the name suggests, absolutely round.”
“Cricket is basically baseball on valium” - Robin Williams
“The first thing is to be patient, which is probably the hardest thing to do. Don’t worry if blokes are whacking you out of the park because you still have the opportunity to get him out next ball, even if it’s not the same ball.” - Shane Warne
“Can’t bowl, can’t throw” - (possibly) Shane Warne
“Charlie don’t surf” - Kilgore, Apocalyse Now
“I took off on a wave, went down the side, popped out the other end, and went, shit, I’m still alive!” - Greg Noll on surfing Waimea
“Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him.”
“This ground is surprising. It holds 60000, but when there’s 30000 in, you get the feeling that it’s half-full.”
“A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin.”
“I’m not an athlete, I’m an entertainer.”
“We can’t win at home and we can’t win on the road. We’re running out of places to play.”
“He played that like a dwarf at a urinal.”
Glen McGrath to Eddo Brandes: “Hey Eddo! Why are you so fucking fat?”
Brandes: “Because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit.” :bravo:
“That was a tremendous six. The ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary.”
“That’s what cricket is all about. Two batsmen pitting their wits against each other.”
“Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool.”
“Unless something happens that we can’t predict, I don’t think a lot will happen.”
My favourites:
“Put me back on my fucking bike.”
Tom Simpson
“Unlucky Alex, well played.”
Steven Hendry
“Up your arse, you cunt.”
Alex Higgins
“The first goal was off-side, the second was lucky, and if they hadn’t got the first two they wouldn’t have got the third.”
Steve Coppell (I think)
Don Cherry, Hockey Night in Canada commentator, noted for his dislike of Europeans corrupting the great sport of hockey by doing things like skating and passing instead of fighting-
On the captain of a Soviet sub evading the Swedish Navy which was tracking him in Swedish waters:
“He probably just went into a corner. Everybody knows a Swede won’t go into a corner”
On the Canadian Football League:
“The best thing about this game, there’s no Russians or Swedes playing.”
Referring to players wearing visors showing lack of respect for other players:
“Most of the guys that wear them are Europeans and French guys”.
(Causing an investigation by the Official Languages Commissioner)
Shortly after, on being pulled over by a motorcycle policeman:
“He was wearing a visor. I thought he was Russian”
In 1992, he referred to Finnish-born Winnipeg Jets Assistant Coach Alpo Suhonen as “some kind of dog food”.
On Edmonton Oilers defenseman Randy Gregg, who also happened to be a doctor, missing a wide open net:
“How would you like that guy operating on you with those hands?”
And for all that, he was voted in by the Canadian public as one of the Top 10 Canadians of all time (admittedly, a hard list to fill.)
Baroness Summerskill: Mr Cooper, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?
Henry Cooper: Well, madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What’s yours?
That’s Mohammed Azharuddin coming in to bat. Mohammed is his Christian name, by the way.
-Trevor Quirk
Brian Clough:
“I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one”
“At last England have appointed a manager who speaks English better than the players” - on the appointment of Sven-Goran Eriksson
To Yao Ming:
“What do you think of Shaq’s 'Ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.’ comments?”
Yao Ming:
“Chinese is a difficult language, I’m sure he’ll get better at it.”
Fuzzy Zoeller on Tiger Woods first winning the Masters:
“That little boy is driving well and he’s putting well. He’s doing everything it takes to win. So, you know what you guys do when he gets in here? You pat him on the back and say congratulations and enjoy it and tell him not serve fried chicken next year… or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve.”
John Madden (Oakland Raiders coach and long time commentator):
“If you see a defense team with dirt and mud on their backs they’ve had a bad day”
“The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else.”
Joe Theismann (Washington Redskin Superbowl-winning QB and football commentator):
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
“This is a game, first and foremost. There was only one Vince Lombardi, and he died.”
Sidhuisms:
The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.
One comment he made that they picked up in the papers was regarding a shot Tendulker played off his toes… he played that like a dwarf at a urinal…
Favourite footballer’s quote:
I couldn’t settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.
Ian Rush
And some great one liners from Ali.
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - “And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”