I am being stalked by a Taiwanese girl. Several years ago she was my girlfriend.
She has found out where I live and also my mobile phone number. She calls repeatedly and may turn up at my house any time. She has also turned up at my workplace and entered the classroom while I was teaching. She has repeatedly threatened to kill herself and also threatened to kill me.
I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I have been to the police. While they have been understanding and helpful they have told me that legally they cannot do anything unless the stalker breaks the law. (Apparently there is no law against stalking in Taiwan). The police have been to my house twice to make her go away.
I am at a complete loss about what to do. I want to stay in Taiwan and I don’t want to move house, yet these may be some of my few options in this situation.
If there is anyone who can give me some useful advice I would be grateful. Please no flames.
Ignore her where possible. Don’t allow her to enter your apartment and if she tries to use force or call the police.
If she comes to your workplace again inform your employer about the situation and insist that you don’t want to see her.
Get her removed by the security or police if necessary if she enters the premises without permission.
Change your phone number, it may be a hassle but what else could you do!?
I was “stalked” a few years back by a radio listener (I was doing radio English-language teaching at the time) who even found out where our ‘secret’ studio recording location was, sent weird packages to me care of the program, and stuff like that. She showed up at the studio but luckily did not get in as the company was aware of the situation because of the packages that had arrived before (all of which were returned to her unopened after the first, which contained handicrafts and an offer to open up a greeting card shop with her – never figured THAT one out!). So in my case (luckily I was using a pseudonym so probably wasn’t in so much danger as you might be) the support of my company basically eliminated the problem in a relatively short period of time.
If she can find out where you post online, the problem might be worse than it is…
Sorry dude. I feel for you. Sandy65, you should just leave him alone and try to find your own happiness.
What gives you the right to threaten to kill anyone? Nothing justifies that!
Get ahold of yourself, dear. I saw wix’s pic on that website and he is definately not “stalking” or “killing yourself over” material!
He looks like a gawky ginger hatchling, certainly not George Clooneyesque, and doubtfully endowed with 20 cms of girth. (the only reasons I can think of for being such a desperate cow) Get a grip!
Is this a fatal attraction or a case of premarital sex? I’d say any expat victim of premarital sex is not very innocent, but only if they had seduced this girl into the sack. You’ve got a problem of your own making. Now go untangle yourself like a man without the police.
The weirdest type similiar experience I ever had was on the subway in Korea when a mid-aged woman latched onto my arm in a crowded boarding. “Arm-in-arm” we were pushed by the flow into the subway car where I promptly detached myself by placing her clutched hand on my arm onto the train grip post. Initially I wasn’t sure if she was a “blind” beggar and accidentally latched onto my arm in the push. I was a “Good Samaritan” initially but she then proceeded to act out very flirtatious mannerisms. Ooops, not so blind.
Despite having moved far away to the end of the subway car, this public behavior was becoming too entertaining to the Korean passengers. I loudly growled a Korean phrase to “knock it off” and the other Koreans were much amused by the fact the foriegner could actually rebuke a “scorned” woman in public. Sorry, but you’re just not my type.
I now suspect it must have been Sandy in drag, or she was just perhaps transiting to Taiwan by an Evergreen contrainer ship from some rather convincing undercover work in North Korea. Her inept spy handlers must have let her out for a romp in the port city. I think they were wearing white coats and had a big butterfly net.
I was stalked by my Taiwan girlfriend at college in the States–she would follow me in classes. Wait at home for me, even until early morning when I made a point of coming home late…this latest around 2 weeks.
Then, I had a good lady friend ‘pretend’ to go out with me. Showing up on my arm, hugging me and cuddling in public, where I knew this ex-girlfriend could see me. Finally, she got the message…But, the scary thing is that a couple of years later she visited my mum at my home in Europe!
Last I heard of her, was that she became a saleswomen, selling those urn places in those buddhist towers for the dead…
Anyway, see if you can follow my lead…good luck.
We outsiders can never really know what happened. For us here on the internet to automatically assume one of them is right and the other is wrong is hazardous. Human relationships are rarely so clean-cut!
Even David and Sandy can only have an imperfect understanding of what happened. After all, they have their own perceptions about their relationship, along with what I bet must be very different cultural attitudes (not that everyone in a culture is alike) and–I’ll wager–communication difficulties.
Worst of all is probably the gap between male and female psychologies. Men often like to just make a clean break, wash their hands of it all. That’s just how we are–logical, businesslike. For many women, romantic relationships touch something at the core of their being. Breaking up can shatter this core. I’m not saying this to excuse anything that might have happened, but just to speculate about why it would be natural for her to get so emotional.
David, Sandy–it sounds like you both feel like you’ve lost control of a part of your life that’s important to you. For David that would be your privacy. For Sandy, it’s the love you shared.
Have you considered finding some way to say goodbye on a higher note? You could do it by e-mail or telephone, or with the help of a relationships counselor. I know it may not sound very enjoyable, but if each of you is truly thinking of the other’s welfare, this might be a good way to make your goodbye’s, and acknowledge the important part of your lives that has ended.
Good luck to you both.
Interesting perspective Vincent but my money’s still on her just being a total psycho.
I did a fair bit of stalking in my student days, mostly during the summer holidays. Started off as a pony boy – gralloching the stags, loading them onto the ponies and leading them off the hill. Later on we got those 6-wheeled amphibious Argocats, which were much easier to work with.
I must say, there’s nothing quite like being on the hill in the early morning, crouched in the heather with that grizzled 10-pointer square in the crosshairs.
Oh, were we talking about something else?
Reading that story, all I can say is you got off lightly. Guess Sandy was only a cadet psycho and not like the fully-fledged Green Beret psycho that i had a girlfriend once.
… or with the help of a relationships counselor.
They aren’t married, are they … !?
when a man doesn’t want you anymore, to stalk him or threaten to kill both of you definately won’t do any help, instead, it can only make things worse. Listen to what Alien said, and move on waiting for another better man.
PS., I saw Wix99’s pic too at his website just a few minutes ago, he’s really not worth it. Believe me.
I know it won’t help either to say this here now, but several months ago you also had a post asking about how to deal with your sticky ex-girlfriend.
segue.com.tw/viewtopic.php?p=411 … ight=#4117
If Sandy is not her, then man, you really should start to reflect on yourself as to why you keep attracting such girls. Is there something going wrong with you?
And to answer your question, JUST MOVE OUT!!!
I don’t mean to advertise here, but if you are in need of some advice or need to consult a therapist I’d be glad to be of assistance. I don’t practice here in Taiwan but am licensed and certified in my home state and specialize in matters of relationship issues and may be of some assistance should you require further guidance- either of you two involved.
Let me make the assumption that the girl in question is reasonably good looking, and that her personality can be pleasant in many respects.
Hence, I suggest that you find a foreign male friend who is looking for female companionship, explain the situation to him, and “pass” this ex-girlfriend on to him. (This is what we used to do with ex-girlfriends when I went to college in California for a short spell.)
Do you see how this works? You explain the situation to this guy, and when this girl shows up you call him on the telephone. He shows up with two tall glasses of jen ju nai cha, and invites the girl to a restaurant to dinner, or to go see a movie, or whatever. Perhaps she is just lonely, or stressed out about some family problems.
This is a technique which I have employed successfully in the past, and I think it avoids hard feelings all the way around.
Great idea, Richard! I suppose the scenario would go something like this?
"Hey (insert friend’s name here), I know this girl, she won’t get off my back – threatening to kill herself and me, you know the type… Anyway, I’m trying to get a restraining order on her cos I’m afraid she’ll burn my house down, so anyway, I was wondering, d’you want me to give you her phone number?
Yeah, yeah, sure she’s a raving psycho, but hey, she can be a lot of fun, you know?
Jeez, Richard, with friends like that, who needs enemies!