Strategies for dealing with toddlers throwing things?

The baby has started doing this thing where when she doesn’t want something, she’ll take it from you but then immediately fling it. She also flings her water bottle when she’s done drinking and so on. And sometimes when she wants to throw a tantrum, she’ll pick something up and toss it, too.

I’ve been trying to think of a good strategy for dealing with this, but it’s tricky because you can’t just move her or take something away. So far all I’ve come up with are these

  1. Don’t give whatever she threw away back to her.

That’s not so great, though, because she’s not playing ‘Go fetch, Daddy!’ like she used to. She doesn’t actually want the thing she throws away.

  1. Give the thing she threw back to her in a very controlled way so as to stop her from throwing it, then have her hand it to me nicely, then praise her.

That one I’ve just started so we’ll see how it goes. Was wondering if others had insight on this?

How old is ‘the baby’? How to deal with this will depend a lot on her age. But you need some kind of disciplinary action if you want to change her behavior. Time-out has always worked well for my daughter.

Yeah, if she’s at the appropriate age, then:

Stop everything. Remove her from the scene of the crime. Take her somewhere quiet, like halfway up the stairs.
Explain to her what kind of behaviour is required / not required.
Take her back.
Repeat until she gets it.

Our son, at ~19 months, is just emerging from this phase, which was mercifully brief (perhaps 3 months).

We would just take the thing from him if he was angry and looked like he was going to throw it (and then ignore the followup screaming and writhing until he stopped).

If he wasn’t angry but just didn’t want it any more, we found that he’d give it to us nicely instead if we put our hand out quickly enough (it’s usually pretty obvious when it’s coming), and has now learned to come give it to us instead.

So I guess my almost completely inexperienced advice is not to worry too much, it’s temporary.

Here is some reading for you:
naturalparentsnetwork.com/6-ways … a-tantrum/
Be present: Staying close by and supporting a child during their tantrum is a gentle and kind way to let a child know they have support to feel their feelings fully. While it may not be easy to just sit and watch, children often just need a kind and compassionate presence during a tantrum.
Make Eye Contact: It’s tempting to walk away from a tantruming child, but often, trying to establish some non threatening face-to-face contact can help a child sense your genuine concern and feel validated.
Use kind words: Using gentle and kind words sparingly during the tantrum such as “I love you”, “I’m here for you” and “I’m on your side” can help a child to re-center and find a positive mindset. Plus focusing on kind words can help us not lose sight of staying positive and helping our child cope.
Kind Hands: Offering a hug or a hand to hold can be a very grounding yet positive way to connect with a child and help a tantrum subside. By using touch in a positive manner we also help children learn that even while upset or angry, hands can be using in a positive way and not for harming others. Sometimes children don’t want to be touched, that is ok too, in that case, just try being close by for support.
Listen: Children often need someone to help them reflect on their choices or sort out their feelings. Listening and repeating back to a child what we understand makes a child feel better understood. Often this can avoid a tantrum all together, and is a great way to decode some of the frustration.
Focus on solutions: Once you have been able to connect trough touch, eye contact and listening, invite you child to help you find a possible solution to whatever caused the initial tantrum. It’s possible that your child really just couldn’t express their need without some help and became frustrated, or that a need such as tiredness, hunger or some attention may be needed.

Stop giving her your iPhone.

Candy Crush is not for infants.

Throw it back at their face

Gently & With Love

Duck.

She’s 15 months. And thanks for all advice so far. Actually the “give it back to her and ask her to give it again nicely” seems to be working pretty well.

[quote=“keroliver”]Here is some reading for you:
naturalparentsnetwork.com/6-ways … a-tantrum/
Be present: Staying close by and supporting a child during their tantrum is a gentle and kind way to let a child know they have support to feel their feelings fully. While it may not be easy to just sit and watch, children often just need a kind and compassionate presence during a tantrum.
Make Eye Contact: It’s tempting to walk away from a tantruming child, but often, trying to establish some non threatening face-to-face contact can help a child sense your genuine concern and feel validated.
Use kind words: Using gentle and kind words sparingly during the tantrum such as “I love you”, “I’m here for you” and “I’m on your side” can help a child to re-center and find a positive mindset. Plus focusing on kind words can help us not lose sight of staying positive and helping our child cope.
Kind Hands: Offering a hug or a hand to hold can be a very grounding yet positive way to connect with a child and help a tantrum subside. By using touch in a positive manner we also help children learn that even while upset or angry, hands can be using in a positive way and not for harming others. Sometimes children don’t want to be touched, that is ok too, in that case, just try being close by for support.
Listen: Children often need someone to help them reflect on their choices or sort out their feelings. Listening and repeating back to a child what we understand makes a child feel better understood. Often this can avoid a tantrum all together, and is a great way to decode some of the frustration.
Focus on solutions: Once you have been able to connect trough touch, eye contact and listening, invite you child to help you find a possible solution to whatever caused the initial tantrum. It’s possible that your child really just couldn’t express their need without some help and became frustrated, or that a need such as tiredness, hunger or some attention may be needed.[/quote]

Funny you should mention this - she just threw her first public tantrum the other day.

Normally we hang out at the Beitou Parent-Child Center in the morning, and they’re pretty strict about keeping stuff in its proper area. Dani grabbed a ball or something and wanted to walk off with it. I led her back to where it came from and asked her to put it back, and she kinda flipped out. It didn’t take the ball from her, but just wouldn’t let her leave and told her calmly to put it back. We had to stay there a few minutes and it was embarrassing because a bunch of moms were looking over at us, but finally after some rolling on the floor and a bit of screaming and crying (with me being sympathetic but firm), she chilled out, handed over the ball and wandered off.

Think having read Scream-Free Parenting helped with that one, and I agree with the author that, cliche as it sounds, it really was a growth moment for us. I could also see how strong the temptation to slip into “anxiety-driven parenting” was in that moment, and how that could’ve turned it into a frickin’ mess.

Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children this age. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder she wants to practice this exciting skill once she’s mastered it! What happens next is endlessly educational, too: Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down — never up. She can’t say “gravity,” of course, but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces; if she tosses an apple, it goes splat; and if her dinner gets the heave-ho, you probably go ballistic. Of course, it’s maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk. But rather than trying to stop your toddler’s throwing (a futile effort anyway), concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it.

[quote=“Vay”]
after some rolling on the floor and a bit of screaming and crying[/quote]

Maybe next time try it without rolling on the floor and screaming and crying.
Kids don’t usually react so well to that kind of stuff.
Just saying.