Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite
year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital:
1 I.V. League
From: G1a3c8
Sent: Wednesday, March 31, 2004 11:33 PM
Subject: a drunk staggers in
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a Confessional booth,
sits down, but says nothing.
Father Reilly coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk
continues to sit there.
Finally, Father Reilly pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knockin; there’s no paper on this side
either!”
From: Yamile Martinez
Sent: 4/1/2004 4:05:43 PM
Subject: FW: Eight Words with two Meanings
Eight Words with two Meanings
-
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…Any part under a car’s hood.
Male…The strap fastener on a woman’s bra. -
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another
Male…Playing football without a cup. -
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female…The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s
partner.
Male…Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys. -
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female…A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. -
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…Anything that can be done while drinking beer. -
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male…A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. -
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male…Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it. -
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male…A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5
minutes.