[quote=“Quarters”]
But I really think that everyone - no matter the gender, would be curious and tempted to read those letters, emails. and such. It doesnt really matter the gender, but the will power to respect privacy that matters.[/quote]
This is more what I was thinking of. Obviously, if you did read them and if you are secure and confident in your relationship, it wouldn’t make a difference. The bigger question is how can you be sure how she would feel about you knowing about the letters/correspondences? If she hasn’t brought them or the content of them up with you already, it may be that she just doesn’t think it’s important, but on the other hand, maybe it is because she doesn’t want you to know…The uncertainty lies in her reaction to you bringing this up with her. Ever seen “Chasing Amy”, where Ben Afleck finds out that the girl he loves had a threesome with a former schoolmate of his and another guy? The problem was not that he couldn’t accept it; the problem was that she couldn’t handle him knowing…
pends on whether the person whose stuff you’re reading through cares or not.
I’d be really irritated if someone went through my email and computer files, but I’d definitely be tempted to do it to someone else. I’m just a hypocrite.
However, unless you’re prepared to never mention whatever you might discover, you’re probably better off never looking.
People like to dig through their SO’s cellphones too.
You put them away. Not out of respect. Not out of fear of being called a snooper. But because you don’t want to know.
Seriously. Do you want to have images of your wife loving another man? Know the words she said? The things they did?
[quote=“SuchAFob”]You put them away. Not out of respect. Not out of fear of being called a snooper. But because you don’t want to know.
Seriously. Do you want to have images of your wife loving another man? Know the words she said? The things they did?[/quote]
Good point. I don’t want any of those pictures in my mind.
Also, the past is in our memories, which is our own private little theater. No one - other than person who you had the past with, will ever know exactly what your past was like. Expecting someone to explain their past to you only paints a picture as far as words can describe it. So, out of fairness, because we truly can’t understand or know someones past 100%, it is best to leave the past in the past and concentrate on the now and tomorrow.
Please PLEASE bring her to another HH that I attend. I just wanna make you sweat. [/quote]
You got me on that one JD.
She has been on here a couple times. A lurker you might say.
Do you have any idea how much I was sweating at the first HH I attended? huh? Do you? Let me just say, I was a bit nervous. But, true to the good fellows you all are, you didnt spill the beans. For that, I say thank you. But who was the wanker chatting up and hitting on my then GF now wife all night??? You know who you are! Do you realize you had the balls to ask her home with you - in front of me!!! I think you were too pissed drunk to realize what you were doing, so I forgive you.
But, do I want to sweat out another HH? I think not! HA!
I always wonder why people (some guys but mostly women) keep old letters and photos of ex SO’s. What’s the point? How does that match up with “the past is the past” or “The past isn’t important but the future is”.
Some spoke about children. What if your kids start to grow up and rummage through the cupboard only to find some “juicy” letters written to mommy by some other bloke?
I know I did that as a kid. My father always had way interesting stuff in his drawer and cupboard. Things like army issue knives and shell casings and all sorts of trivial things that a 10 year old finds very exciting. He even had one old medal for bravery from the war in Angola that I would take out and wear in front of the mirror. Cool stuff. Going through his library I found an old “Giggles and Gags” comic that gave me my first glimpse into adult sex humor. A 10 year old doesn’t think he’s violating anyones privacy. It’s my dad?? When my dad found out he just told me not to let my mum see the comic.
Not sure how I would have felt if my dad had letters of amour written by some other women. My parents having sex was a far out thought as it was…but some other women?? To my 10 year old mind that would have been too wierd.
Personally I’ve always tossed that stuff. Never could figure out why other people keep it. So enlighten me.
Just seems to me they’re longing for something they lost and can’t have anymore…
Had one male friend who had a whole photo album of ex-gf’s. I found it wierd. Perhaps it was his “trophy case”. Still odd IMHO. If it’s really in the past and not important, why not just chuck it?
I don’t understand. You’re married. What is there to hide? One would hope that there is not much left to unsaid at this point.
Ostensibly, you both had lives before you met each other. Things happened. Clearly you’ve moved on.
If you can’t share with your wife, then who can you share with?
But you shouldn’t violate other people’s trust, by whom I mean her exes who wrote to her in good faith and probably didn’t forsee her chuckling over them with a future husband. Not that I’m saying Q’s wife would do something like that.
Maybe you keep them as a reminder of what it’s like to get a letter? Seeing as how the most you’ve received in writing from the wife for the last 10 years is things like “Cat needs de-flea’d. Dinner in fridge. NO DRINKING! Clean windows. Out of toilet paper. Car CD player fucked again. Love you.”
Who gives a toss? What commitment do I have to people I’ll likely never even see again? One the otherhand, I do have a commitment to my marriage.
One would hope that a) we have no ‘secrets’ from each other; especially something as prosaic as an old love letter. b) we have the maturity to handle it like adults.
Thing like this are best chuckled over and binned, unless there is some other significance.
That’s why many married people make me cringe to high heaven. They think it’s fine to do what ever they like in order to propogate their own shit and feel like it’s ok to resign from the human race as soon as they get a ring on her finger. It’s an excuse for being shitty.
Not everyone, obviously, and they are easy to avoid.
That’s why many married people make me cringe to high heaven. They think it’s fine to do what ever they like in order to propogate their own shit and feel like it’s ok to resign from the human race as soon as they get a ring on her finger. It’s an excuse for being shitty.
Not everyone, obviously, and they are easy to avoid.[/quote]
That’s a new one. Best tear-up all of those journals your keeping - you never know who you might have written about. Forget that autbiography too. Dump all of those pictures. Better yet - keep your life before you met your marriage parnter a secret so as to fullfill your promise to all of those meaningful relationships you had in the past.
If making sure a married is based on trust and openess is "resigning from the huma race’, then so be it.
Get some perspective on your own ‘shit’ before dumping it on others, eh?
No, that’s not what I meant. I have plenty of perspective, but thank you for your concern.
Don’t you think a personal letter should always remain personal? You really don’t think it’s wrong to show it to someone else? It’s not about being secretive, it’s about showing both the person you love, and everyone else that you can be trusted by everyone, not just by people you love. The person you have chosen to spend your whole life with can trust you? Big deal. It’s if the ‘little’ people can trust you too that you know you are a good person.
Yes. I can see that you have such perspective into marriage and relationships.
In general, you are correct. Personal letters stay personal. But, we’re not talking about yukking it up with a bunch of girlfriends are we?
There will be a few people in your life with whom you really need to be open with. I consider my spouse to be one of them. If I can’t tell my spouse something, then there really is no one I can tell - and I’d rather not have that. To me it really comes down to honesty, trust and openness. The letters can be seen because there really is nothing in them that I don’t know already.
I also have sense of humor. Frankly some of the things that I thought were really important or meaningful when I was a teenager are just really amusing now.
But hey, what do I know…I’ve just been, “propogate(ing) (my) own shit” for 12 odd years.
[/quote]
I think not! HA!
