One of my old middle school teachers use to say, “Stop Mickey Mousing Around.”
My physics teacher used to say “faster than the average wombat” while doing various velocity calculations.
How about the old “stop swinging on that chair boy!! i once saw a child break their back doing that.”
not exactly a stupid thing to say, but surely not ALL teachers have seen kids break their backs on chairs?
-The mind boggles (Grumpy Neville the Year 8 Science teacher)
-Pickle me grandmother (Jim Cramp the Year 7 Science teacjer)
-My heart bleeds (Grumps again)
-Don’t hit your head against your hand, you might break your wrist. (Scruff Martin the Year 12 Legal Studies teacher)
“You dildo”
– my 5th grade English teacher
Whenever we would complain about homework or exams, Mr. Szul, our 10th grade biology teacher would respond, “Hey, cut me some slack!” in an animated way.
“The talking lamp is [b]not[/b] lit!”, 8th grade science teacher, any time anyone opened their mouth for any reason. I don’t remember his name, but he looked just like the late editor of MAD Magazine.
8th grade English teacher to girls in class, whilst picking dandruff from her scalp:
“Polite girls do NOT sit with their legs akimbo, and I am NOT running a brothel.”
High school chemistry teacher, later fired for patting a girl on the butt: “I never claimed to be anything but mean, cruel, wicked, and evil.”
Brass ensemble teacher. “Breathe from the gut. Play as a section. Sing through the horn.” (Not stupid at all, more like Zen.)
Junior high history teacher: Said that according to the Bible, Russia would invade Israel. And Israel would whoop their butts.
High school history teacher: Could lecture a whole hour while balancing a yardstick (meterstick) from his forehead, where it stuck thanks to the stickiness of his sweat.
High school German teacher: “Now Brother [your surname here], you so lazy. Du bist so faul. Du bist so faul, du stinkst. Now if you don’t start working, I’m gonna take my size nine stiefel [boot], and stick it in your hintern.”
I guess that’s enough education for one sitting.
7th grade English Teacher: “There is no extra credit in life.”
What was that? A clear denial of reincarnation or a cheap out for not rewarding my obviously superior and insightful essay on the cleverness of Encyclopedia Brown with a few extra points. Points needed to offset the unfair treatment of my poore spilling.
Chou
Hey I used to be a huge fan of Encyclopedia Brown. I even wrote Donald J. Sobol (sp?) a letter and got an autographed letter back…ah the good old days
Aceman,
I am soooooooooo green with envy. You have just out Browned me.
Chou
Ok story time ;
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final
exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A smart-arse guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to hold back their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
I just thought of another one. My gym teacher used to say, "Let’s go, let’s go, let’s rodeo!
She said… ha, you will be fine, you are ASIAN :shock: WTF ?!! What is that supposed to mean… 
[quote=“Flicka”]“You dildo”
– my 5th grade English teacher[/quote]
Sounds like a wise man.
“What’s the worst that could happen? You could fail! There are many routes to medical school, and I am sure that every one of you fine young people will find a way.” – professor of a required chemistry course to one of my classmates, who was pressing for hints about an upcoming exam.
“It is time for rah-cess” 5th grade teacher, trying to say recess (as in, a short break), but instead saying recess (as in an indentation in a wall or object).
“We will now have a fil-em strip.” Same 5th grade teacher trying to say, “film.”
By the way, the above were always accompanied by him cleaning his ears with his keys (we were always waiting for him to start his engine 
) or a pencil, eraser end (which you never wanted to borrow, 'cause you could never erase anything with them :shock: )
“Now… now… now” Mrs. Strien, 10th grade science teacher trying to get us to settle down.
“Now… now… Tony, take it off!” Mrs. Strien, again, trying to get Tony to remove the bologna he had plastered to the blackboard/chalkboard, not his clothes. However, to her (apparent) surprise, we pretended she asked him to take off his clothes. :shock: Then we got the “settle down” set of “Now-nows.”
“Don’t you think so, try again!?!?” Mrs. John, 12th grade English teacher, who, by the way, was from India.
I also had a 12th grade science & German teacher, Dr. Philips. He didn’t say much, but used to throw chalk at students who talked too much. I remember one time we were doing class work when all of a sudden he roared “Leanne!” and threw a piece of chalk at one girl, then calmly went back to writing on the board.
Another time, he got so frustrated with the class he threw a book in the air and it hit him on the head on the way back down. He didn’t seem to notice. But, his most famous tirade was when he threw a stapler in the air, and was out the door well before it hit the floor. He didn’t return to the class for 15 minutes.
[quote=“MaPoDoFu”][quote=“Flicka”]“You dildo”
– my 5th grade English teacher[/quote]
Sounds like a wise man.
[/quote]
It was a woman who said that. 
My calculus teacher use to say “Thats a MUTE point!”, not that I remember hearing any opinions in math class but sure enough it was him who use to say it a lot!
Mrs. Angel, elementary school principal, use to walk around the cafeteria at lunch time going, “Eat with your mouths closed!”