Taiwanese boyfriend rant

well put. let it start here, it won’t stop. jmo.

the “be Chinese” bit can only go so far. What don’t bang this nail into the wall? Ok, be Chinese. What you want me to hold this stick of incense? Ok be Chinese. I don’t know how to take care of my own physical health, dress myself, etc? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. very slippery slope.

I particularly don’t like Vannyel’s solution. news flash–direct communication is important in a relationship. creating bad habits like that is a bad, bad idea.

learn this Chinese “tizhi bu yiyang” tizhi could be translated as “the makeup of the body,” this concept doesn’t exactly exist in English. “waiguoren tizhi bu yiyang, bu yong bu yong.” :slight_smile:

Wolf-Horse-Reinhold wrote:

[quote]bababa,
Why on earth would you go out with a gobbing, hydrochondriac Taiwanese when there are so many available stallions out there, like me, for example? [/quote]
Stallion?? :slight_smile: Wolf, you’d get turned away by a friggin’ glue factory!! :wink:

[quote=“almas john”]Wolf-Horse-Reinhold wrote:

[quote]bababa,
Why on earth would you go out with a gobbing, hydrochondriac Taiwanese when there are so many available stallions out there, like me, for example? [/quote]
Stallion?? :slight_smile: Wolf, you’d get turned away by a friggin’ glue factory!! :wink:[/quote]

:laughing: :bravo:

Maybe it was SARS and that’s why she hasn’t posted a reply. She dying in a shallow pool of her own phlegm with her boyfriend going “I told you so.”

well put. let it start here, it won’t stop. jmo.

the “be Chinese” bit can only go so far. What don’t bang this nail into the wall? Ok, be Chinese. What you want me to hold this stick of incense? Ok be Chinese. I don’t know how to take care of my own physical health, dress myself, etc? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. very slippery slope.

I particularly don’t like Vannyel’s solution. news flash–direct communication is important in a relationship. creating bad habits like that is a bad, bad idea.

learn this Chinese “tizhi bu yiyang” tizhi could be translated as “the makeup of the body,” this concept doesn’t exactly exist in English. “waiguoren tizhi bu yiyang, bu yong bu yong.” :slight_smile:[/quote]

Tempo’s got a good point. OTOH, it’s like someone said, you have to pick your battles wisely. bob’s point is also a very good one, just go with the flow.

I’d translate “tizhi” to mean “constitution”, quoted from Merriam-Webster Online:

[quote=“lsieh”]

I’d translate “tizhi” to mean “constitution”, quoted from Merriam-Webster Online:
2 a : the physical makeup of the individual comprising inherited qualities modified by environment b : the structure, composition, physical makeup, or nature of something[/quote]

Ah, that works very well. I stand corrected. It seems to me people talk about this idea a lot more here though.

I didn’t just give in and go to the doctor because at the moment I have neither health insurance nor money. He offered to pay, but just before that he’d been moaning about how he’d already squandered his pay this month.
And Bob - yes, I’d say he’s controlling in other ways too.
After reading the replies, a new thought occurred to me. He probably thinks I don’t love him because I don’t nag him about his health. What are foreigners in a relationship with a Taiwanese supposed to do?

well put. let it start here, it won’t stop. jmo.

the “be Chinese” bit can only go so far. What don’t bang this nail into the wall? Ok, be Chinese. What you want me to hold this stick of incense? Ok be Chinese. I don’t know how to take care of my own physical health, dress myself, etc? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. very slippery slope.

I particularly don’t like Vannyel’s solution. news flash–direct communication is important in a relationship. creating bad habits like that is a bad, bad idea.[/quote]
Over exaggerating a bit aren’t we?
Someone expressing concern about your health doesn’t equate into trying to dominate your life.
Direct communications is important to a relationship but arguing about little shit isn’t direct communications, it’s being petty and nit-picking.
Am I going to ‘argue’ about going to the doctor? No. Will I ‘argue’ about which apartment we move into? Well if I disagree, I will be direct, sure. Am I going to ‘argue’ because he wants me to wear this outfit instead of the one I picked? No. Why? Because it’s not that big of a deal and it doesn’t happen every day. If it did happen everyday, then we would have a bit of direct communications. :wink:
Yes, instead of ‘I love you,’ I hear a lot of “it’s raining outside, take your umbrella,” etc.

Either adjust a bit and accept it or be prepared to argue a lot or find a Westerner. :wink:
Chose your battles.

bababa,
Let’s cut to the chase: Why are you with this fellow? Are you in love with him? Is he just a great lay ([color=white]if not, I hear Almas is free[/color])?
Other than appearing to be overbearingly petty, what are the great things about him that keep you coming back for more?

Lots of kissing. :hubba:

Engage in a lot of corn-bred, hot, sweaty pig-sex :smiling_imp:

Lots of kissing. :hubba:[/quote]

Yeah… make him sick with whatever it is that you have.

You are too nice, firstly unless you really like this dude! Drop em! Sounds very controling. You mentioned you were at the movie 2 hours early, why? Plus he would not talk over this HAHA! Also it is a very cultural thing about the doctor. I just tell them I went. (NOT) or no. Besides they don’t seem to realize its not a good idea to run to MDs for a cold. I told my cousin about this when I was back in the U.S.(MD) and he told me that it would end up weakening the immune systems of the younger kids here. because their bodies sometimes need to fight colds without all of the junk perscribed. Funny when I was at kindy 9 out of 12 kids were taking medicine for something. :noway:

[quote=“bababa”]I didn’t just give in and go to the doctor because at the moment I have neither health insurance nor money. He offered to pay, but just before that he’d been moaning about how he’d already squandered his pay this month.
And Bob - yes, I’d say he’s controlling in other ways too.[/quote]

If so, trust your gut and talk about it with him. Being in a cross cultural relationship, it could help that you discuss the issue not only from one’s own perspective (individually as to why you and he think a certain way), but also from a larger cultural perspective as in, is this culturally typical or an individual thing?

Given that it’s a cultural thing to “nag” about one’s health in Taiwan as a sign of love, he may indeed think that if you don’t reciprocate, you don’t love him that much. But you need to discuss it with him. If he understands “western” attitudes and behaviors, then he probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal because you’re not culturally conditioned to act this way.

Bottom line, I think there needs to be a whole lot more open and frank communication compared to same-cultural relationships.

Hope it all works out best for you both.

GL,

Discussion is good. I think when you date someone who is not from your own culture will have some difficulties. I think communication is good and necessary. If the taiwanese bf doesn’t understand and learn to accept the differences of the culture, there is nothing you can do, bababa. I think most of the times it’s difficult for Taiwanese guys to learn to appreciate of different cultures. It’s not easy to talk to them about those things neither.

I’m not gay but no matter what you look like, you can do much better than a local boy. Pack your bags and travel to Jamaica, Italy, Greece… someplace where you can get half decent boy toy that will “fit” you properly. Oh, and if you have pictures of you and your local boy, burn them. You don’t want that shit to haunt you when you settle down with someone you could actually bring home to your folks - and not be embarrassed by.

Some of the posters on this thread and others are nothing more than bigots.

The original poster has received some good advice on talking about things with her bf, and opening up the communication. Even better advice about not spilling the details of an adult relationship in an online forum…

The rest of it, aside from some jokes, is racist crap.

And what about her understanding and accepting the differences of culture? Why do you imagine it’s more difficult for the Taiwanese guys to learn to appreciate the different cultures? :wink:

And what about her understanding and accepting the differences of culture? Why do you imagine it’s more difficult for the Taiwanese guys to learn to appreciate the different cultures? :wink:[/quote]

I think Erica1973 is pretty much spot-on Vannyel. For whatever reason, it seems like Westerners are ALOT better at expressing themselves and their feelings on relationship issues. Many Taiwanese people seem to get embarassed and awkward when it comes down to talking things through.

That is not to say that a cross-cultural relationship must be so one-sided in this regard and that the onus must be solely on the Westerner’s shoulders to communicate. But, given that many Westerners do feel more at ease hashing things out, they may have to take a bit of the lead in these kinds of talks.

Both sides have to adjust though, and if one person is bending over backwards while the other is holding up the culture card all the time, something smells afoul in the non-state of Taiwan.

The original point about going to the doctor… I wouldn’t go. I’d explain myself once, and even say something about how I appreciate the care and concern. But, one explanation is enough. No one should be hen-pecked and harassed into doing something to shut the other person up. Also, repetition is tempting, but it wears down your own argument - makes you look deperate and, at the very least, redundant.

[edit] hold on! was it this illness: forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.ph … 26&start=0

he wanted bababa to go the doctor about? More than just he have advised you it seems serious.

If someone actually uses pouting and shutting you out based on you making an informed decision about your own health, well, if it wasn’t a one time thing and looked like a pattern, I’d feel better off single.

But, as other posters in this thread have pointed out, we don’t know them or their dynamic so calls for ditching the jerk seem a bit ignorant.

rooftop:
everything you said I am with you. good job!