Taiwanese dont spend enough time with their families

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

Are family ties breaking down in Taiwan? Will this negatively affect society? I think so. The govt is encouraging hugging. Taiwan is not a hugging zone apparently. How can we implement this ?

from the Taipei Times:

Survey reveals Taiwan is largely a hugless zone

STAFF WRITER, WITH CNA
Sunday, May 16, 2010, Page 2
Taiwanese are generally too withdrawn to hug each other, even within families, according to the results of a recent survey released by the Ministry of Education (MOE).

Nearly 80 percent of the respondents in the poll, which was conducted between March and April, said they seldom or never hug their parents or siblings.

According to the survey of nearly 5,500 family members nationwide, 62 percent of Taiwanese seldom or never thank or praise their relatives.

In addition, 50 percent of respondents said they never or seldom listen to relatives who are trying to talk about personal problems, while 36 percent said they never or seldom worry about their relatives’ health.

On the question of family time, 20 percent of the respondents said they never or seldom spend more than 30 minutes with their families each day.

“The survey results indicate that there is little interaction within Taiwanese families and that family members are often estranged from each other,” Minister of Education Wu Ching-chi (吳清基) said.

Adult males and high school students of both sexes interact the least with their families, according to poll.

“This lack of interaction will result in poor cohesion within families and render them incapable of dealing with major personal, family or social crises,” Wu said.

The ministry suggested that people try to develop the habit of hugging each other, saying that hugging has a calming effect.
This story has been viewed 680 times.

2

Next from tommy525: OMG! The Pope really is Catholic!

3

:smiley: Yeah some days i just make too much sense

But how do you know the Pope is not a closet Seventh Day adventist?

4

I understand the not-spending-time-with-your-family part, but come on, 36% just don’t give a shit about their relatives’ health! That’s shocking.

5

Having spent time with my in-laws, this all makes a lot of sense to me. You don’t expect very deep family conversations when they are all camped around the TV watching Taiwan’s version of Idol or those Taiwanese soap operas. That’s before you get into the underlying currents of hostility of who hates who and who are allies.

6

[quote=“Tee-Pee Times”]Adult males and high school students of both sexes interact the least with their families, according to poll.

“This lack of interaction will result in poor cohesion within families and render them incapable of dealing with major personal, family or social crises,” Wu said.

The ministry suggested that people try to develop the habit of hugging each other, saying that hugging has a calming effect.
This story has been viewed 680 times.[/quote]

Anecdotally speaking, 50% of Taiwanese parents smack or beat their high school kids. Nothin goes with a good beatin like an after-hug, eh? I dated a fairly young-un when I first got here and her pappy beat her often. When I asked if this was common, she said yes, very. I then proceeded to ask about this around the office, generally to non-parents (who might no admit to beatin their kiddies), and they uniformly said it used to be more common but it still goes on.

Not sayin’ that total hands-off is the answer either, but the chick I knew had blood on her scalp (not because of me) and occasional bruises. Which was hot!!! :ohreally:

7

God what we take for granted. I used to hug my kids all the time and wondered why so many of them were squeamish. Duh, talk about overlooking culture…

8

Heck, in the culture of the U.S. you’d be setting yourself up for potential lawsuits, wouldn’t you?

But you’re right about culture. The article tommy linked to is stupid because it ignores the fact (or at least I think it’s a fact) that east Asians tend not to be huggers. Lots of huggers in the States. I would imagine Mexico and Central America score high on the hug-meter too. Probably the same in Italy, Spain, France, Greece, Thailand, Phillipines and lots of other nations. But Chinese, Japanese and Koreans – especially men – I would think they score very poorly in terms of non-violent physical contact with good friends and family (and expressing affection generally). Just not in their cultural makeup. Too bad.

9

I’d add South Africans to that list of huggers.

I may have said it before, but I come from a family where hugging was certainly not the norm. I can’t think of a time outside of early childhood where I was hugged by my mum, and certainly never by my dad.

It wasn’t until I was 14 and I discovered Ecstasy that I got hugged on a regular basis :wink:

10

My in-laws always made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Being with them is like stepping into a completely different world.
It’s the lack of any conversation, the unpleasantly loud barking of the parents and the deadly monotonous repeating of the same phrases and remarks in front of the always switched on TV.
Last weekend we went to a sisters house warming party… I noticed right away that there was something different, it was even more depressing than usually.
ah! no TV in the house!
20 people sit together. Sit there and eat, prepare food, eat and prepare food.
no hellos, no how are yous, no small talk, no topic discussed, no personal conversation.
They never talk about anything, and without the TV it is food food food.
I know my in-laws for 7 years now. no change. I watch how old parents deal with their children and young parents deal with teenagers. watch how couple deal with each other.

many Taiwanese love babies. A baby seems to offer a chance to express kindness, a touch of tenderness and let out some feeling

“hao ke ai!!!”

I often asked myself “how can people be happy inside without personal relationships?”
when I talk with other Westerners - I hear that I am a ignorant slob, unable to understand deep Chinese culture.

I ask my wife about stuff like this. She was NEVER EVER encouraged in a positive way, never ever applauded for doing something good, never ever told that they love here.
No family member ever asked her how “life is going”.

but in the kindergarten, kids do happily line up and learn how to shout together:

mama, papa wo ai ni!!!

11

[quote=“Randy Newman”]
Picture a room with a window,
a sofa and some chairs,
a television turned on for the night.

Picture a woman,
two children seated,
a man lying there,
their faces softly glowing in the light.

This is my country,
these are my people.
This is the world I understand.
This is my country,
these are my people.
And I know 'em like the back of my own hand.

If we had something to say we’d bounce it off the screen
we were watching and we couldn’t look away.
We all know what we look like, you know what I mean?
We wouldn’t have had it any other way.
We got comedy, tragedy.
Everything from A to B,
watching other people living,
seeing other people play.
Having other people’s voices fill our minds.
Thank you, Jesus.

Feelings might go unexpressed.
I think that’s probably for the best.
Dig too deep, who knows what you will find.

This is my country, those were my people.
Theirs was the world I understand.

Picture a room, no window,
a door that leads outside,
a man lying on a blanket on the floor.
Picture his three grown boys behind him,
bouncing words off a screen,
of a television big as all outdoors.

Now your children are your children,
even when they’re grown.
When they speak to you,
you got to listen to what they have to say.
But they all live alone now,
they have TVs of their own
but they keep on coming over anyway.
And much as I love them,
I’m always kind of glad when they go away.

This is my country,
these are my people.
This is the world I understand.
This is my country,
these are my people.
And I know 'em like the back of my own hand.
I know 'em like the back of my own hand.[/quote]

12

tommy - this question implies that family ties were better in the past.

I guess it was worse actually, do you really think Chinese people were hugging more 200 yeas ago?

13

This is a microcosm of exactly what China itself has been about throughout millennia.

14

What really gets me is when you go out to eat and the whole family segregates along the smaller family lines. I’ve limited my dealings with the in-laws to about 1 meal every 2-3 months and generally get away with less than 2 days during CNY. It’s just so boring to be around them. That’s even before I have to deal with the annoyance of watching 1st and 2nd graders incapable of feeding themselves and whinging about it. :unamused:

15

Good Grief! If anything, they spend far too much time together, most of it utterly meaningless. If children spent more time being independent, and the adults spent more time on improving themselves, instead of in a group huddle around the TV, or off on some muddled fatuous day trip, then perhaps there just might be more personal initative and integrity in this nation-state.

16

word! :bravo:

17

[quote=“TheGingerMan”]Good Grief! If anything, they spend far too much time together, most of it utterly meaningless. If children spent more time being independent, and the adults spent more time on improving themselves, instead of in a group huddle around the TV, or off on some muddled fatuous day trip, then perhaps there just might be more personal initative and integrity in this nation-state.[/quote]In their defense, I’d have to say that travelling anywhere on this island is a lesson in grief. Everything is often crowded, nasty, loud and/or expensive. You take your kid to a nice restaurant and if you are lucky enough for them to have a high chair, it’s often broke and/or dirty.

Continuing education classes are out of the question with the workload that some have. Most colleges and universities don’t even seem to market for it. My BiL works 7 days a week sometimes. Most of the community classes are an excuse to meet people, gossip, and go out to eat with the teacher.

Don’t even get me started how we have been dealing with stagnant wages and yearly inflation. :fume:

18

[quote=“cranky laowai”][quote=“Randy Newman”]
Picture a room with a window,
a sofa and some chairs,
a television turned on for the night.

Picture a woman,
two children seated,
a man lying there,
their faces softly glowing in the light.

This is my country,
these are my people.
This is the world I understand.
This is my country,
these are my people.
And I know 'em like the back of my own hand.

If we had something to say we’d bounce it off the screen
we were watching and we couldn’t look away.
We all know what we look like, you know what I mean?
We wouldn’t have had it any other way.
We got comedy, tragedy.
Everything from A to B,
watching other people living,
seeing other people play.
Having other people’s voices fill our minds.
Thank you, Jesus.

Feelings might go unexpressed.
I think that’s probably for the best.
Dig too deep, who knows what you will find.

This is my country, those were my people.
Theirs was the world I understand.

Picture a room, no window,
a door that leads outside,
a man lying on a blanket on the floor.
Picture his three grown boys behind him,
bouncing words off a screen,
of a television big as all outdoors.

Now your children are your children,
even when they’re grown.
When they speak to you,
you got to listen to what they have to say.
But they all live alone now,
they have TVs of their own
but they keep on coming over anyway.
And much as I love them,
I’m always kind of glad when they go away.

This is my country,
these are my people.
This is the world I understand.
This is my country,
these are my people.
And I know 'em like the back of my own hand.
I know 'em like the back of my own hand.[/quote][/quote]
What? You’re saying it isn’t just a Chinese thing? Who KNEW? :laughing:

19

Well, since no one will defend the Taiwanese family structure, I’ll give it a go.

First of all, affection isn’t too common in Taiwan, but that doesn’t by all means mean that they don’t care for one another. Taiwanese parents spend long, long hours working for their kids. In hospitals, family support for the elderly is extremely impressive. If you walk into any hospital, you will see that the majority of people being pushed in wheelchairs are family members.

As for the elderly, a lot of grandparents live with the oldest son. Something that isn’t too common in the United States.

The divorce rate isn’t that high compared to United State’s 50% rate.

As for T.V., can’t say much to defend that. Taiwanese T.V. is not very entertaining (at least for me) but a lot of American watch a lot of television too, like football, movies, etc. Americans are also known for the infamous eating in front of the T.V. (not that Taiwanese don’t do the same.)

I personally think the Taiwanese family structure is pretty strong, but like any country it is full of problems too.

20

[quote=“Rabidpie”]Well, since no one will defend the Taiwanese family structure, I’ll give it a go.

First of all, affection isn’t too common in Taiwan, but that doesn’t by all means mean that they don’t care for one another. Taiwanese parents spend long, long hours working for their kids. In hospitals, family support for the elderly is extremely impressive. If you walk into any hospital, you will see that the majority of people being pushed in wheelchairs are family members.

As for the elderly, a lot of grandparents live with the oldest son. Something that isn’t too common in the United States.

The divorce rate isn’t that high compared to United State’s 50% rate.

As for T.V., can’t say much to defend that. Taiwanese T.V. is not very entertaining (at least for me) but a lot of American watch a lot of television too, like football, movies, etc. Americans are also known for the infamous eating in front of the T.V. (not that Taiwanese don’t do the same.)

I personally think the Taiwanese family structure is pretty strong, but like any country it is full of problems too.[/quote]
Sorry. That’s not NEARLY rant-like enough.
I can’t weight in on this, as my country hick in-laws are NOTHING like the ones being railed about above. They’re far more like the people you describe, as are the vast majority of other Taiwanese families whose homes I’ve visited.
Not that there aren’t sure to be plenty of knuckle-dragging, single braincell troglodytes around – just that I’ve never bothered to get close enough to such people to be invited into their houses. Why would I? I wouldn’t seek such company in Scotland, for example, yet there are thousands and thousands of people there with FAR fewer social graces than even the hickest of the hicks here.