Taiwan is nothing special in terms of criticizing the family atmosphere.
Virtually everyone in my immediate family, extended family, and family friends do nothing but watch TV and eat during a family function, assuming you can even get them to agree to sit together at all. Americans may be more talkative and emotional but I can only listen to the a discussion of football coach X’s bad decisions, and celebrity Y’s sex life for so long before my head explodes. And the ‘emotional’ side is usually some aunt or uncle getting drunk and breaking something or starting a fight. They might as well talk about nothing and sit still, it would be far more pleasant.
And things like beating children / child abuse happens everywhere. There are probably many more raging alcoholic / drug-user, child abusing parents in the states than abusive parents in Taiwan.
You hear more stories about severe beating (often involving alcohol) where I come from.
And it’s nice to see your distant family once in a while to catch up, even if you don’t have much to say. I can’t say as much about your TW partner’s family though…
I like mine too. Real down to Earth folk. They didn’t have a TV until I got engaged to the Mrs. The only time they ever put it on is if I’m there and I can’t keep up with the Taiyu (not that the TV is any good of course, but hey… the thought is there)
[quote=“Mother Theresa”] east Asians tend not to be huggers. Lots of huggers in the States. I would imagine Mexico and Central America score high on the hug-meter too. Probably the same in Italy, Spain, France, Greece, Thailand, Phillipines and lots of other nations. But Chinese, Japanese and Koreans – especially men – I would think they score very poorly in terms of non-violent physical contact with good friends and family (and expressing affection generally). Just not in their cultural makeup. Too bad.[/quote]There were plenty of hugs in my childhood and formative years in the UK, and among friend when I was at university. It was the same for my siblings with their friends. But not with all friends. When you hug some people, you can feel them tense up with discomfort. But on the whole, I reckon there was more hugging going on within families in my generation than in the previous one.
Cultural makeup is not static. It changes faster than many people will acknowledge. For example, the concept of masculinity changed rapidly in Britain, between the demobbing servicemen of 1945 and the mods and rockers of the 1960s. In fifteen years, Taipei has gone from heterosexual couples rarely holding hands in the street to lesbians snogging on the MRT. In another generation, Taiwan’s cultural makeup will be different again. And still there will be people who will start sentences with 我們台灣/中國人…
I like mine too. Real down to Earth folk. They didn’t have a TV until I got engaged to the Mrs. The only time they ever put it on is if I’m there and I can’t keep up with the Taiyu (not that the TV is any good of course, but hey… the thought is there)[/quote]
I’m with you guys. I love my in-laws, even the extended family. Going to Pingdong to visit granny on the pig farm and have a few Taiwan pijiu’s with the uncles and cousins is always a treat.
Taiwan is cold. Forget hugs, just the look on many people’s rigid faces says it all. I found this especially prevalent when in Taipei, down south people are definitely warmer. NA is no bastion of love and tenderness either but compared to Taiwan it is…there is a lack of basic humanity here, at least on a scale that gives one discomfort.
But much of this is old school and a generational thing, I think. I see much more empathy and outwardness from both kids and young adults here, and I think sooner than later there will be a significant shedding of the current dispositions and a culture shift. I probably won’t be here to witness it, but I think even in the next 10 or 15 years Taiwan will begin to be a much more attractive place to be and live.
[quote=“itakitez”]is this not an issue of overgeneralizing?
sure some families hug, some don’t, what really matters is the feeling that is associated with it
some people would be weirded out if their dad hugged them and others couldn’t imaging saying goodbye without a hug
Im with MT, this is more about applying one contry’s cultural norms to criticise another’s[/quote]
Yeah, I agree with this. My friends feel bad I have no family so I end up spending holidays or long weekends around theirs. Sure they aren’t as touchy as western families, but you can always see that there is clearly love and closeness there.
I did a paper on hugging back in college and as many people here know It is good for you! They calm people, help with stress, are healing, comforting, etc, etc. My family always does it and we are very close. I found in the USA Latino and black families (friends of mine) did it more often, but so did many other families. My South American friends are hug machines.
I think it’s changing in Taiwan and in a generation or 2 people will hug more. But forget the hugging. People don’t even talk enough, discuss family problems, many stare at the TV (even more than we N. American TV zombies) and I have had guys in my classes say dad/mom won’t even shake their hand when they graduate from college, or say hey good job if they get a 98 on a test or ask about what is going on in their life. But if they get an 82 on the exam. :fume: . Most of the time there is too much negative reinforcement in society here and it’s a shame. That should be the start. Some simple humanity towards each other, which is present but rare.
Meh too much positive reinforcement is not good either. If you got a 98 on that test but turned around on the next one and got an 83 why should you get a hug automatically? You already showed you were capable of near perfection and had almost a 20% decline.
The issue of hugging is not the same as the issue of how close families are. Some cultures hug more, touch more. The family unit is not necessarily closer, though. Societies where people tend not to hug and touch each other can still have close families. Middle Eastern cultures tend to be touchers, for eg.; are the families on average more loving than in England?
Taiwanese dont show affection often and hopefully this will change. However, many families have very strong ties with each other. Maybe not apparent to outsiders, but the ties are often very strong. Of course this varies family to family.
Just like it does elsewhere really.
But yes, Taiwanese need to express affection more in my view.
Ties that are not much expressed, no hugs, no talking, no encouragement, not much interest in the others personal life and problems seem to be ties that are hardwired into people by culture, by standard default setup so to speak, not a result of anything personal, individual, not a matter of choice or love.
