914 that’s good going. If I have had 30 conversations with Taiwanese men I’d be surprised.
Cybertai, thanks for your input. I was going to ask if there were any Taiwanese males on Fourumosa. The idea of making friends through certified connections “Guanxi”??? is strange to me, Iand I think most westerners in gerneral. We use Guanxi for work or business, but rarely for making friends, at least I do.
Interesting thoughts…
Taiwanese seem to keep the same friends for most of their lives … mostly classmates, sometimes all the way back to junior high school. I’ve found that very few Taiwanese actively try to make new friends outside of the circle that they have grown up with since school. That is usually added to by co-workers, new classmates when they reach university, etc. … but in general, I think the concept of “friends” and “making friends” here is very different than in the West. When I was in college, most of my friends were not my classmates, and I don’t hang out with my classmates here much either.
[quote=“cybertai”]I am a Taiwanese male and I will try to answer this question. Most Taiwanese males don’t make friends with total strangers, whether foreign or local.
In the western culture, guys will go to a bar/pub and chat with strangers around them.
This won’t happen here in Taiwan.
Taiwanese males usually make friends through some “certified” connections (business or other friends’ introduction…)
Hope this helps.[/quote]
It certainly does help. I never realised this. I always just thought the process of making friends was universal. You know, strike a conversation with someone, if it’s interesting off you go. Instant friends. I geuss the best bet is to take some classes at the Uni and get more involved in other activities and see what happens.
[quote=“cybertai”]
Taiwanese males usually make friends through some “certified” connections (business or other friends’ introduction…)
As for relationships between straight male/female, gay male/male, lesbian female/female, that’s a different story.
There’re always some exceptions.
For example, Taiwanese males will make friends through some “special-interest” websites/communities, pretty much like what we do here in Forumosa. Hope this helps.[/quote]
I’m not going to knock you on what you wrote, but that’s how most people meet and become friends world wide. Society is tribal! There is a reason bikers hang out with bikers, baseball players hang out with other baseball players, junkeys hang out with other junkeys etc. Aside from a few cats you may grow up with, gone to school with we usually meet our friends through common interests and end up hanging with them and building friendships because of what interest is shared.
I can only suggest to the guy looking for Taiwanese friends to look for places people hang out at that host things you dig.
I personally have never gone to a bar/pub to look for friends. Usually I go to them with a friend or few. As well as drinking, if that’s all a person is interested in, that’s usually a good sign that says you got a problem 
Peace
Hey…I aint got no drinking problem… I drink, I get drunk, I fall down…No problem. 
Nah, only kidding of course, but yeah I agree with you. In South Africa I met most of my friends through rugby (sevens and union), my gym partner and mutual friends. But my thing is that I’ve never been very “tribal”. I’ve always been the guy that doesn’t have a best friend per se, but always hangs out with everyone. So I usually get invited places and go there on my own.
But here it seems one needs to make more of an effort to get invloved in a variety of activities, hence I’ve now taken up joining a few of the lads for a weekly round of pool. I just need to expand my horizons I think.
And learn to scowl less… :s
Or so I thought too till I witnessed the following:
I met a Taiwanese guy who was interested in playing ‘Diplomacy’. In a nutshell: Diplomacy is a game. Most would call it a medium complxity game … i.e. one you need a bit dedication to play. Ask miltownkid about it here, he can show you.
Back home, when we find someone who likes to play that, we usually are too happy to invite him. Gaming groups usually are short of players, so anyone is welcome.
But the guy said he feels uncomfortable approaching anyone also playing the game. He watches some online and reads about it, but that’s all. Okay, he also admits it has to do he does not want to look like a newbie, but still …
So: same interest - still a barrier.
Funny, huh?
For some conservative Taiwanese males, “real/good” friends are not “made”.
Friends are created by destiny, or “yuan”. If the “destiny” makes us to spend lots of time together on a daily basis, then we are good friends.
And that’s why most Taiwanese males “get” friends from the same class at school or the same team/department at work.
Taiwanese males need a long time (usually one year or more) to “certify” a friend.
By the way, Japanese or Korean do the same thing. So it’s pretty much the “Eastern” culture thing.
I’m a taiwanese student. i’ve made up many foreign students in my university. i usually think about what’s the thought of foreigners about making friends with taiwanese. at first, i think they would be too self-confident (like the typical person, American president Bush ) n look down we taiwanese, which most taiwanese would think about. However, when little by little, i’ve had several good foreign friends, i discover that most foreigners r friendly n easy make friends if u dont take them as a tool to learn English n treat them in the way u treat ur taiwan friends.
Indeed, i’ve never taken my foriegn friends as a language tool.Instead, i try to talk in a deep topic with them. no matter the politics, stars, horosope, travel ect, which makes them feel a feeling of a friend.
Nevertheless, most Taiwanese come up with the idea of learning English while they’re coming cross some foreign guys n always in some same topic" where r u from?", " why do u come to Taiwan?" etc, which may bore them because they’ve answered it thousands of times.
On the other hand, there r still some taiwanese, like me treaturing the friendship with foreiners, trying to realise their real needs n talking to them as usual.
Above all, hope u foreigners never give up any chance to make friend with taiwanese!!
[ul][/ul][ul][/ul]
[quote=“bismarck”]Hey…I aint got no drinking problem… I drink, I get drunk, I fall down…No problem.
Nah, only kidding of course, but yeah I agree with you. In South Africa I met most of my friends through rugby (sevens and union), my gym partner and mutual friends. But my thing is that I’ve never been very “tribal”. I’ve always been the guy that doesn’t have a best friend per se, but always hangs out with everyone. So I usually get invited places and go there on my own.
But here it seems one needs to make more of an effort to get invloved in a variety of activities, hence I’ve now taken up joining a few of the lads for a weekly round of pool. I just need to expand my horizons I think.
And learn to scowl less… :s[/quote]
I got to get my scowling locked down too! I see what your saying, you may not be very tribal or feel like you are yourself. I don’t view myself as that too, but with the interests I dig, like the things I’m into just like what you like like playing rugby, going to the gym or shooting pool are traits of tribalism. The things I do, IE skateboard, the musical generas I listen to, talk to others who dig it and go see the musicans play it, the RPG games I play with others and the films and books I see and chat with other about are all fringe aspects of society. Hence the term sub-cultures. Most, not all belong to one or more. I can personally slip in and out of a few and not be called out as an outsider by those who devote most of there time to it.
There are people who label themselves and others just on there recreational activitys alone. Like “He’s a punk”, “She’s a B-Girl” “He’s a hippy” ETC. It’s an everyday thing to hear about someone or talk about someone oursleves and tag on there tribe like “I met this cool Australian surfer dude on the weekend” or “I work with this Canadian pothead” for example. Society as a whole is tribal, it’s human nature. We call it other things, but religion, culture, social class and even economics are tribal. Look at terms like “The millionare club” or “blue collar” and other terms used to lump people together to explain a person/people just end up being other groups of people existing together around other large groups with smaller ones slipping in and out of all of it and around all. We humans are a species. As a species beyond the things that may seperate most or many with constructs such as race, religion and culture at the root of it all of it, all we are is tribal creatures of habit. One way or another, That’s something not many people on this planet can excape. Short of heading off into the mountians or rainforest alone and alienating yourself from the human population.
Thanks for reading this little rant if you got through it all!
Peace
Or so I thought too till I witnessed the following:
I met a Taiwanese guy who was interested in playing ‘Diplomacy’. In a nutshell: Diplomacy is a game. Most would call it a medium complxity game … i.e. one you need a bit dedication to play. Ask miltownkid about it here, he can show you.
Back home, when we find someone who likes to play that, we usually are too happy to invite him. Gaming groups usually are short of players, so anyone is welcome.
But the guy said he feels uncomfortable approaching anyone also playing the game. He watches some online and reads about it, but that’s all. Okay, he also admits it has to do he does not want to look like a newbie, but still …
So: same interest - still a barrier.
Funny, huh?[/quote]
Yeah, I’ve seen people do things like that too with things like rpg’s and chating about stuff like comics, even with skateboarding. Though, the amount of people I’ve encountered who have shyed away from group interests and topics when there is a genuine interest in it are far from outnumbering those I have done the activities with or talked about with others on what we share in common.
So, in order to make friends here, I’ll need to change my lifestlye. I’m not much of a pub person and don’t participate in group games. Unless you consider sitting on the MRT as a group game…mmm…sometimes it feels that way . I’m more of a hiking/fresh air person. This is something I don’t want to do with large groups, partly because I enjoy solitute ( 
in Taiwan?) but it’s also difficult to arrange. I’ve been trying for months to meet up with one guy to go walking, but because of the crappy weather for the last few months, and work commitments it’s been impossible. :fume: This is just an example of trying to get together with one person.
There’s also the selfishness of not wanting to be around people after a long week of work. Sunday is the only day I get off, and it’s so difficult to get the motivation up to leave the house and go and look for friends. Besides, it’s the only day I get to spend with my girlfriend…
Cybertai,
Your posts were very informative. Learned a few useful things. Thanks for giving a Taiwanese viewpoint.
Seeker4