Taiwanese Needs Decision Help!

:angel: Hey,buddies:
I am a queer boy in Taiwan and searing my true love. Now I have met a big problem and hope eveyone could see my story and tell me what to do.
I am Jason at the age of 19. I did not fathom what I am until I was 16. I studied very hard in senior high shcool in oder to get admmited to a top university. Finally, I do. Last year, I come to study in Indiana University Bloomington where I have found the love my life. Then, I come back to Taiwan to keep my mom company. I am not sure what I should do. In Taiwan, I am a decent boy who is obedient to my family, never going to pubs. Of course, it won’t be my cup of tea. I like a quiet time or so, but it is hard to find someone like me.
This year, I am 19. I have got admission from University of Minnesota Twin cities because I just want to get away from here. However, because of our situation with China, I am a draft man now so I cannot study abraod unless I serve for the army for two years. I have no idea what I should do. Should I study abroad illegally with leaving my parents alone?
I have been on a lonely ship since I was 16. Everthing changed since I went to the States. What should I do? Study here in Taiwan and be lonely for good. I do not want to bring my family down either. I hope I can hide everthing. Still, I can find the love of my life, but it looks like that if I do not get involved in gay activities, I won’t find my true love. Please, tell me what I should do?

Your university admission will still be available in two years. I say you wait. You should wait. Finish your military and then continue your life as would make you happy.
The most important thing in seeking happiness is to not ruin certain chances for it. If you don’t serve than you will have more problems than will solve. I know at 19 2 years seems like a long time, but it isn’t.
If you need to keep your secret from your family, that is your choice. But I also suggest trying to find a balance between that and allowing yourself to be what and who you are.

I also think you need to find some gay friends. Gay friend will help you find other gay friends. And the more you know, the more likely you are to find gay friends with your same interests. True friends are HARD to find. You must meet a lot of people before you find those. It is important, though, to have gay friends. Otherwise you won’t have people to talk to who UNDERSTAND what it is that you are going through, that know what you need, and that know how to solve problems you face.

If you are serving in the army for two years, wouldn’t you be leaving your parents alone anyways?

As I understand it, you can defer your military service until you are done your first degree, then possibly get a posting that uses your skills learned at university.

Just try to ignore the fact that you are gay as much as possible and focus on what you want deep down inside. Think to yourself, ‘If I had no balls, no asshole, no dick…what would I really want to do? What would be my interests, my hobbies?’ Forget about boyfriends. You are too young to make any decisions based on your desire to sear your true love.

If you answered the above question, ‘I would study in the USA until my English is perfect’ or ‘I would stay in my room at my mommy’s house in Taipei and sniff glue until the age of 60’ or ‘I would volunteer to help starving children in Africa’ or ‘I would follow my dream of become a dentist’ you got your answer!

No balls, no dick… hmmm, probably, I dunno, shoot myself or jump off a very tall building? And no asshole? Well, I’d die from very severe constipation very quickly… So, again, shoot myself rather than die a death like that… :laughing:

Jokes aside, that’s good advice. Don’t base your future decisions on whether or not you can find boyfriends or love, but on what you actually want to do with your life. Love generally tends to find you, most often when you are least expecting to find it. Do your military service and get it out of the way NOW. You’ll thank yourself in two (short) years.

Not to mention you’ll be surrounded by 1000’s of other men in uniforms with guns, if you are into that type of thing.

Actually, yeah. I know lots of gay Taiwanese men who enjoyed their military service…really got into the fitness thing…were treated well. Learned new skills at work. The only bad thing I ever heard about military service was from a straight guy who had an extremely boring, repetitive job and got carpal tunnel syndrome from it.

Wow, the above paragraph is just loaded with double-entendres, isn’t it?

What does this thread have to do with A. Being gay, and B. In D&R forum? I’ll be moving it soon.

Well, let’s see…he’s basically asking if he should stay with his family and do his duty in the military or break the law and leave his family to go to the US and pursue a gay relationship there. A pretty normal dilemma for young confused gay men who’ve had a taste of fun and freedom. Not much different from some of the other questions in the D&R forum, along the lines of “Should I stay at my current great job close to my friends and family in my home country or chuck it all to teach English so I can be with my Taiwanese sweetie?”

At least his question isn’t the usual snore-fest “should I continue seeing my psychotic mentally ill girlfriend?” “how do I please my man?” crap we are constantly treated to on this forum.

I think sexual orientation has a lot to do with D&R and so does loneliness. Just because the MEN who have responded have mostly been insensitive does not mean the OP did not have a valid need for advice.

Love conquers all! Laws were made to be broken! Go back to the USA and your true love, and the freer social climate.

Your parents will have to get used to the shock of your gay lifestyle, so why not warm them up a bit with the smaller shock of dodging the draft for a couple years. I’m sure the military will be happy to have you when you come back.

I would also investigate the military service regulations. I thought you could defer it while you are in college. I thought it was now only 16 months.

I think you will better serve your parents, your country, and yourself, by getting grounded in your gay self FIRST. Be who you are.

Those kinds of choices has nothing to do with being gay. You can ask the same questions without revealing your sexual orientation and you would get the same answers. Anyways i’m moving it.

I’d just join the Navy. Problem solved.

IMHHO (In My Humble Heterosexual Opinion) Asian cultures are not as accepting of Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender folk as the USA. Also there may be issues with gays in the military here, dunno (actually the USA is in the stone age on that one). So I suggest the OP’s sexual orientation is relevant.

In all honesty I think SuchAFob’s first post on this thread was the best advice you’re likely to find here or anywhere on the subject. I advise you go with what she says.

This thread should not have been moved, because many many gay Taiwanese have left for life abroad precisely because they are gay and perceive life in The West to be easier for them, not only in terms of rights, but in terms of having a social life. The question as it was posed has been pondered by many many many a gay Taiwanese.

I can see ‘stay here or study abroad’ as being heavily influenced by the gay factor. In fact, I think that it would be fallacious to try to answer this question sincerely without factoring in all the variables.

Whether or not life in The West is easier or better in any way for gay Taiwanese is a very philosophical question.

Forumosa is a more accepting community than this.

Yes, perhaps this boy is just trying to pick up (I think he is). Perhaps the moderator finds that dispicable (I do, too). BUT. This thread has a right to exist because of the content of the question.

Not to be flippant, but if I’d had the equivalent chance to be billeted with scores of nubile young women for a year and a half when I was nineteen, I’d have taken it like a shot. Nothing else would have mattered, and I’d happily have put all other plans and hopes on hold.

On the surface, military service sounds like a really good prospect for you, TS.

Agree with Omni, and I’d add that in so doing you also don’t burn your bridges with Taiwan. You may not think much of Taiwan now but who knows what you’ll feel later. Get the military service over with now.

By the bye, while you may have felt a sense of freedom in the west, that’s very common for the first few years after moving to another country. Inevitably the old barriers that haunted you in your native country start re-appearing wherever you are. Likewise the west may appear to offer a haven for you to explore your sexuality, but I think you’ll soon find the prejudices and so on are quite similar to Taiwan.

I’m into accrruing passports, not shedding them.


Hi Jason,

Just remember, 2 years is only 730 days, or a mere 104 weeks. If you were an American you would be required to register with the Selective Service. Today this only means you register, but are not drafted. But if you don’t you are in big trouble. Do you want to always be looking over your shoulder, running from the law? Take care of your birth obligations and get them over with. It’s only 730 sunrises, and 730 sunsets, and then you are free. Free to do with your life whatever you choose.

This would be the case wether you are a homosexual, heterosexual or a bisexual. Your obligations don’t change based on your life style. Be a man and take care of your duties first. It’s like your education-it’s necessary to secure a good life for your future.

You will gain many skills, meet many people, and Minnesota is not going anywhere. But if you come to Minnesota illegally, you might be going somewhere-prison.

You are so young. Talk it over with your partner and let them know the situation. They will understand.

Remember, it’s only 730 quick days. They go by like a blip. You can rest easy after you are done, instead of always having this as a constant worry. You don’t need an ulcer.

I wish you the best.


hey jason,

i’ve seen this post under several different forums. and you start your query with “i am a gay taiwanese, i need help”??

being gay doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you are wondering if you should fulfill your military obligations or flee overseas to be with the love of your life.

why is this post everywhere? are you not getting the answer you want?

if you already have your mind made up then spare the readers your query.

you have already received suggestions ranging from break the law and go to america to be with your love and pursue an education- to stay and fulfill your duties to your country-and everything in between.

what are you really asking, and why does it have anything to do with being gay?