Taiwanese Relationship Quirks

Probably. But also probably due to the cultural background you have. Honestly, I never realised Americans (and generally North Americans) had so many social taboos.

The only thing I (initially) had a cultural problem with was personal space and touching. White South Africans (like me) usually have a larger personal space than our darker hued countrymen, but we’re still used to being in close contact (having your personal space invaded so to speak) with strangers because being a minority we have to make cultural concessions on a daily basis - it’s a daily part of life and one doesn’t ever really give it a moments thought.

Apart from that, all South Africans are pretty touchy feely. Even casual acquintances over a period of time may give a hug upon greeting (not people you work with and so on, but acquaintances and friends within your social circle - although when I retired my commission in the Navy to move to Taiwan almost everyone at work, guys and women, gave me a hug), and within the family circle, including aunties ten times removed will still hug and kiss you when they see you.

When people talk to each other there is also generally body contact. Things like a touch on the forearm, or amongst guys a slap on the shoulder. If someone knows you well enough to give you a goft, that person certainly knows you well enough to get a hug.

These were the only things I had a problem with here and I just adjusted my behaviour accordingly. As they say, when in Rome…
Although, honestly, my SO is well accustomed to being held and touched all the time. Even in public. And yes, her mum gets a hug whenever I see her. But that’s a case of “we’re serious and I have to make concessions so so do you”, and I don’t find that they mind that but actually welcome it.

Other things like eating habits, table manners, spitting, toilet habits et al and the forumosa favourite - personal questions. These are things that I’ve not had to adapt to at all. I’ve seen the same back in SA. I think that anyone who has been in the SA armed forces since 1994 or been through the school or university system since 1990 can attest to that.
And basic things, things like eating the marrow out of a leg of lambs leftover thigh bone and chickens neck. Not even to mention offal (yes, sheeps head and stomach). Man these things are delicacies. At sunday family lunches we used to fight over who gets the marrow in the bone, and the chickens neck had to be reserved beforehand.

Personal questions? Things like gaining or losing weight. How much you paid for your house, car, lekker (nice, super cool) new motorcycle, PC or whatever. These are just normal questions in a conversation, right?
I mean, if you paid NT$25 000 for your new computer and I paid NT$30 000 I know I got screwed. How else would one know that without asking?

Falling on the ground and skinning your knees and having random strangers rush to your aid saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Are you ok?” is just being nice and helpful, right? If you’re not looking well and folks ask you if you’re ok or if you’ve seen a doctor is just common decency, isn’t it? At worst, concern and friendliness…

For me it’s been more of, “cultural shock? What cultural shock? Dude! Did you see they have a stand at the corner selling nothing but chicken necks?”

Hydedoll, you seem like a really sweet person. Open yourself up and embrace it. For the most part people here are awesome and caring.
As in Rome, right? So when someone asks you, “How much do you weigh?”. Don’t bat an eyelid. Look them in the eye and say, “I weigh ___kg. And you?” with a big smile on your face. :slight_smile:

Hmm…
I’ve always found the Taiwanese taking great care in filling your belly :wink:
Can’t say I’ve ever starved when I’ve visited Taiwan :stuck_out_tongue:
And every country has different habbits, I mean, my dad married a Polish woman when I was still a young lad and I found the kiss on both cheeks very strange (no not those cheeks, don’t even go there).
I find loads of things here in the UK really strange and I find a lot of people to be rude, loud and ill mannered.
I’m not saying all Taiwanese people are plesant, becuase they’re not, I sat next to a really rude and nasty guy on the flight back to the UK, but luckily he got off in Bangkok.
I have been taken the wrong way here many times, as I’m straight forward, speak my mind and don’t sugar coat my words when I’m not happy with something.
Same thing in the US, I’ve got family there and I’ve managed to upset the American part of my family many a times by doing things that aren’t at all considered rude in Sweden…
So hey, every country is different, but I think as long as you keep an open mind and try to understand what’s going on, you won’t have to many problems, I hope :wink:

I hope I didn’t give anyone the impression I felt negatively about these “quirks” I’ve found in my Taiwanese friends. Actually I find them all quite endearing since I have a great deal of love and respect for the ppl doing these “funny” things. My mood is more bemused than anything…Just trying to figure all these things out:) So please don’t think I’m being judgmental about the Taiwanese. I’m just pointing out my observations as a dazed and sometimes confused foreigner in Taiwan.:slight_smile:

drink and post

I remember me and my captain was talking to eatch other in a pub in new zealand in norwegian.
A local told us it was not polite to talk a language infront off other people that they do not understand and when I came here it freeked me out.

People witch where able to comunicate in english just talk in mandarin all the time with eatch other while hanging ot with me, now I don’t care and just order a beer if they got something dark and british or just help myslef with more food and let them talk.

I’m 187cm and 63kg when I arive Taiwan and all the time I hear I should eat more. I can eat a horce and it wont show on me so I got tired off listening to this shit all the time. Several thousand dollar on proteins and weigh gainers, hour in the gym I finaly reatched 69-70kg, but do they stop about me eating more? NO!

I have other interest than food and kitty. I like to go places and do things, ice scating, martial art, joging, play basket, bicycling and driving go-carts. I would like to climb the highest montain in Taiwan, but I get limited response from the Taiwanese I know, but if I sugest going to eat thaifood then they are all up for it.

She speaks 100 or so words in English and you speak 10 words of Chinese (mispronounced and wrong tones). You go to the pub, get drunk and talk bullshit with your friends on one side of the table while she sits with her friends and talks shit about you on the other. I guess this counts for a quirky deep relationship.

I havn’t got a clue what anyone is talking about in this thread, especially the OP and PPE.
I need a translation box or something.

Being a Taiwanese girl (well…maybe I’m not a girl anymore because of my age) and have some foreign friends, I can tell you what we really think. (it’s only my opinion!)

  1. talking in front of you without translating.
    I do have that experience before, baiscally, we are not talking about bad things of you. (If we’re talking about bad things, we’ll talk behind you. :p)
    And I guess if you ask them what they are talking about, I think they would like to talk to you and translate for you. (I will translate for my friends.)

  2. after your Taiwanese friends are more close to you then they will say something “rude” ? (for me, I think those things are rude)
    in my opinion, it depends on people, I won’t do that even if I’m close to them. for the basic reason, I think it’s impolite to talk about one’s appearance. But I think when your Taiwanese friend said, “Keri you’re getting fat you should go to the gym with me”, all I can think about is…
    a. she considered you’re her good friend, so she knew you won’t get angry if she said that to you.
    b. she can’t think twice. (Sometimes I don’t like this kind of people, because I think they won’t really care about others’ feeling even if they didn’t mean it.)

last but not least, although it’s a late reply(I joined yesterday :smiley: ), I have to say, welcome to Taiwan. :sunglasses:

[quote=“carriewang”]2. after your Taiwanese friends are more close to you then they will say something “rude” ? (for me, I think those things are rude)
in my opinion, it depends on people, I won’t do that even if I’m close to them. for the basic reason, I think it’s impolite to talk about one’s appearance. But I think when your Taiwanese friend said, “Keri you’re getting fat you should go to the gym with me”, all I can think about is…
a. she considered you’re her good friend, so she knew you won’t get angry if she said that to you.
b. she can’t think twice. (Sometimes I don’t like this kind of people, because I think they won’t really care about others’ feeling even if they didn’t mean it.)
[/quote]

Nevermind Taiwanese friends. I had a foreign friend say to me on Saturday, and I quote, “You look like you’re getting fat. Must be 'cos you’re getting older…” :noway:

[quote=“bismarck”]
Nevermind Taiwanese friends. I had a foreign friend say to me on Saturday, and I quote, “You look like you’re getting fat. Must be 'cos you’re getting older…” :noway:[/quote]

actually, for me, I can stand my friends make a joke on me, they know I won’t get angry and I know they’re not talking bad about me. :slight_smile:

perhaps, it’s a different situation between how deep the relationship you have with your friends. :smiley:

ah interesting replies. I’m enjoying reading this:) Thanks Carrie! I am also a new Forumosan AND my name is Keri, too! what a coincedence:) please forgive me everybody for not yet knowing how to quote properly…I wanted to reply to a post but I can’t do the quote thing soooo…your friend said you were getting fat because you were getting older? hahahaha that’s a double whammy of an insult! I’m sure he/she didn’t mean it that way, though.:slight_smile: I’m not sure if these people who say these types of things are just not thinking first before speaking (as Carrie suggests) or just speaking their minds out of possible concern for the well-being of said “fat” friend? haha who knows…I’d like to be optimistic and think of this as another way of loving someone…to express concern about all aspects of that person’s health and appearance.:slight_smile:

BTW, I recently noticed that my male Taiwanese friends like to sing love songs to me(American songs…often country songs…do they think these are the only ones I would know? haha). This perplexes me to no end. For one, I’m not accustomed to men who like love songs (or at least will ADMIT to liking these songs)…except gay men. I know that seems terribly small-minded of me to say that but I’m just saying this is my personal experience. This random serenading (plz forgive any spelling errors…it’s late:)) is also not preceded by any sort of introduction to warn me…nothing along the lines of “do you like (insert sappy country love song here)? here I will sing it for you.” No. Instead we will be talking about something normal and they will suddenly start singing to me.
…For example, one guy and I were talking about funny youtube videos we’d seen recently (not music videos…that might actually seem to be relevant to the singing episodes…just funny videos). I sent him one video of a Japanese girl dressed in a seal suit getting scared shitless by a hungry polar bear (hilarious video…if anyone hasn’t seen it I’ll send u the link). Then he says out of nowhere “oh Keri you are so nice to me” and then the singing begins…“how do I breathe without you?” followed by “that’s a song…you know…how do i live without you? how do I breathe without you” (as if I needed explanation…). Wtf. This isn’t just one person singing love songs to me. It’s many strange Taiwanese men. I’ve also been serenaded with a Phil Collins song, a Mariah Carey song, and, I believe, a Shania Twain song (among others I can’t currently remember). I think it’s really cute but really…strange.:slight_smile: None of my American guy friends sing love songs to me…I think they fear I would “get the wrong idea” if they did that…plus, as I said, they don’t like love songs because those are “girly.”:slight_smile:

What nonsense! Lots of straight men like love songs. Broadway show tunes, now that’s another story altogether. :wink:

What nonsense! Lots of straight men like love songs. Broadway show tunes, now that’s another story altogether. :wink:[/quote]

I concur. Although Barbara Streisand is somewhat of a hottie, not too sure of her music…

Reading through this thread, I wonder if it should more accurately be titled “American relationship quirks”, as it does seem to throw up lots of issues about Americans, such as:

  • American guys don’t dare sing ballads in case they are taken the wrong way, or they are considered girly or gay

  • American girls don’t like men being spontaneous and singing to them.

  • American guys can’t talk about their ‘softer’ feelings, such as wanting families etc. I guess it all has to be about sport?

  • Americans don’t like to be confronted with the truth (“You’ve put on weight”)

  • Americans visiting other countries don’t like the people who live there talking their own languages in front of them (how rude of them not to speak english or translate everything for me!)

:smiling_imp:

Ben

I think that applies to people who are good friends no matter what culture you are in! :slight_smile: Sometimes the cultural barrier can be over-played at times. Eventually if you are good enough friends with a person, it’s almost like you understand each other enough so that culture doesn’t matter so much.

Oh, and post of the year, ben_gb! :smiley:

[quote=“ben_gb”]Reading through this thread, I wonder if it should more accurately be titled “American relationship quirks”, as it does seem to throw up lots of issues about Americans, such as:

  • American guys don’t dare sing ballads in case they are taken the wrong way, or they are considered girly or gay[/quote] No they just stand outside your window with a boom box

[quote]

  • American girls don’t like men being spontaneous and singing to them.[/quote]BULLSHIT. You’ve never been to a Tom Jones concert or Usher concert. Hello-Elvis and Frank Sinatra=panties flying

[quote]- American guys can’t talk about their ‘softer’ feelings, such as wanting families etc. I guess it all has to be about sport?
[/quote]Yawnnn, bullshit. When they trust you sometimes you can’t get them to shut up about their stuff.

[quote]

  • Americans don’t like to be confronted with the truth (“You’ve put on weight”)[/quote] Well that depends on who says it. If it’s the bitchy co worker, hell yea. But your cousin who is like a sister to you then that’s different.

[quote]- Americans visiting other countries don’t like the people who live there talking their own languages in front of them (how rude of them not to speak English or translate everything for me!)
[/quote]Well that’s understandable for anyone. Who wants to be left out of a conversation?

[quote=“Stian”]I remember me and my captain was talking to eatch other in a pub in New Zealand in norwegian.
A local told us it was not polite to talk a language infront off other people that they do not understand and when I came here it freeked me out.
People witch where able to comunicate in English just talk in Mandarin all the time with eatch other while hanging ot with me, now I don’t care and just order a beer if they got something dark and British or just help myslef with more food and let them talk.[/quote]
Actually in my opinion, some of Taiwanese don’t do that “speaking Mandarin in front of foreigner friends” thing on purpose. It’s just because that English is not our mother language (even though some of them may be able to communicate in both). When they hang out with you and their own friends, they are not quite sure if their friends can understand their “unprofessional” English, or they may feel abashed to speak in English to each other especially in front of you (who might be a genuine English guy or at least someone who manages English skill better than them).
It’s not like Norwegian and English, Mandarin has nothing related to English! Just like Chinese words may be closer to Japanese, but Chinese is definitely not close to any European languages.
Plus I am quite sure that most of them are not talking about bad thing about you. if you need, I think they must be very willing to do their best to translate to you. :wink:

[quote=“Hydedoll”]
BTW, I recently noticed that my male Taiwanese friends like to sing love songs to me(American songs…often country songs…do they think these are the only ones I would know? haha). This perplexes me to no end. For one, I’m not accustomed to men who like love songs (or at least will ADMIT to liking these songs)…except gay men. I know that seems terribly small-minded of me to say that but I’m just saying this is my personal experience. This random serenading (plz forgive any spelling errors…it’s late:)) is also not preceded by any sort of introduction to warn me…nothing along the lines of “do you like (insert sappy country love song here)? here I will sing it for you.” No. Instead we will be talking about something normal and they will suddenly start singing to me.
…For example, one guy and I were talking about funny youtube videos we’d seen recently (not music videos…that might actually seem to be relevant to the singing episodes…just funny videos). I sent him one video of a Japanese girl dressed in a seal suit getting scared shitless by a hungry polar bear (hilarious video…if anyone hasn’t seen it I’ll send u the link). Then he says out of nowhere “oh Keri you are so nice to me” and then the singing begins…“how do I breathe without you?” followed by “that’s a song…you know…how do i live without you? how do I breathe without you” (as if I needed explanation…). Wtf. This isn’t just one person singing love songs to me. It’s many strange Taiwanese men. I’ve also been serenaded with a Phil Collins song, a Mariah Carey song, and, I believe, a Shania Twain song (among others I can’t currently remember). I think it’s really cute but really…strange.:slight_smile: None of my American guy friends sing love songs to me…I think they fear I would “get the wrong idea” if they did that…plus, as I said, they don’t like love songs because those are “girly.”:)[/quote]

I sing love songs for my girlfriend all the time :smiley:

While doing it making funny voice and strange faces because she is so cute when she smile and laught and tell me what a horible singer I am.
What don’t you do for love :loco:

again…don’t know how to do the quote thing so bear with me…

1.) I don’t think it’s strange if a guy sings love songs to a girl he’s dating or trying to date but to a random female friend?..just strikes me as funny

2.) To the person who thinks this thread should be titled “American relationship quirks” (or whatever it was)…you make it sound as if I’m complaining about all of these quirks I’m mentioning when actually, as I’ve already stated, I’m not. I find each and every one of these things endearing, if not perplexing, and wish my American friends could be more open and uninhibited (although the running commentaries on my looks and discussions about me in front of me are a little disconcerting).

3.) “No they just stand outside your window with a boombox” hahaha good one. I was born in the 80s but I can’t seem to remember the name of this movie. I know it had John Cusak in it, though. Maybe because I haven’t seen the movie I find the boombox scene a little…stalkerish? I’m sure that’s not a word but you get my meaning:)

4.) Regarding the whole thing about my friends speaking Chinese talking about me in front of me…I never suggested they should have to speak anything other than their native language, especially considering that I was (at the time) in their country and would certainly have no right (and no desire) to require them to adjust to ME rather than the other way around. My only comment about that was that they were talking about me and I felt a little embarrassed wondering what they could be saying about me since I don’t speak Chinese and had to just sit there like a lump while they discussed me. My lack of preparedness (regarding the study of the Chinese language) was my own fault and not something my Taiwanese friends should have had to make up for to please me. Anything I missed out on from my limited knowledge of Chinese was my own fault.
I should say, however, that when my best friend is visiting me on my own turf I always explain everything that’s going on to her if I notice she looks particularly confused or interested. If anyone talks about her and I can tell she is curious but not wanting to butt in I will tell her what they are saying. My friend has limited English ability and so I feel quite protective of her when she’s in America and want to make sure she knows everything that’s going on around her. In turn, she assured that I knew what was going on around me most of the time I was in Taiwan (by either translating for me herself or asking her brothers or boyfriend to translate for me). When the conversations turned to the subject of me, however, no one translated. That’s just my observation.

So to summarize…don’t direct your bad attitude at me because you interpreted my posts the wrong way (not talking to everyong here…just the ones who seem to think I’m doing Taiwanese ppl a disservice with what I’m saying). I shouldn’t have to explain myself as if I’m defending myself in court. I don’t want to be demonized, however, so I feel some explaining is necessary. No, I’m not looking down my (big American) nose at Taiwanese people.:slight_smile: Quite the contrary, in fact. I felt quite humbled to be there and seemingly the only person who was too stupid to speak at least two languages passably. I tried every food put in front of me and never made a peep about it if I didn’t like it. I went to temples and bai bai’d with the best of them and basically just went with the flow. I respect and appreciate Taiwanese culture and the Taiwanese people (which is why I have so many Taiwanese friends). I agree with the person who said that friendship makes culture irrelevant. I JUST THINK THE DIFFERENCES ARE INTERESTING OK??:slight_smile: I love these things that make us different and, yet, make me realize that at our cores we are all exactly the same. ok? ok, 'nuff said

Are you perhaps referring to “Serendipity”?