Yesterday I and my language exchange partner made small talk. She was straightforward and asked me some questions about Taiwanese guys things.
Obviously she have been bewildered by Taiwanese guys’ behaviors. Since I am a Taiwanese guy as well, she consulted me and I found out that she’ve never had a clue about Taiwanese YES/NO philosophy after staying here as long as 5 years. A guy turned down her (YES/NO Philosophy) when she wanted to be his girl friend, but later he’ve kept implying that she should try again. (Another Custom any way) I guess this is a serious problem.
Taiwanese Yes/No philosophy:
As Taiwanese,
We always say YES if others ask for a favor.
We always say NO if others give us a favor.
It’s a subconscious reaction. Don’t take it serious.
You have to ask again and again to know the REAL answer.
No all Taiwanese have such a THING. But have you ever encountered such communication problems between your Taiwanese frineds/lovers?
My roommate (she’s Taiwanese) and I went to KTV with a mixture of American/Taiwanese friends. Some of them wanted to leave earlier than the rest of us. When they tried to leave money, in typical Taiwanese fashion we were all “no, no, don’t worry about it, we will pay…” And they responded “No, here’s our money, we’ll pay…”
Well most of the group that left early did leave money, but 2 of the Americans left without paying. My roommate later asked me “Why didn’t they leave any money for KTV?” I had to explain that they didn’t understand he rules about paying, yet. Like, when someone offers to pay you’re supposed to counteroffer, and so on.
I have to admit, I’m not completely clear on the rules yet either, but after living here for nearly 2 years I think I’m starting to figure it out.
As a Taiwanese, I cannot help but offer something that I am not willing to offer but regret later. Because it is just like a instinct, very difficult to get rid of it.
Sometimes I know that locals have similar complaints. I am thinking it is good to act straightforwardly.
However, if I act like that too often, I will be banished soon or later.
Employee asks employer: Can I take the day off tomorrow?
Employer: Yeah sure, no problem. However, there is this urgent delivery next week and we are nowhere close to finish everything in time, so it would be really good if you could come in tomorrow and also do some overtime, is that a problem for you?
Employee: No, not at all.
This cracks me up. I have to say there is some truth to it. Not all Taiwanese are like that, but I certainly was brought up to play the game the way it should be done! :help:
Sometimes I appreciate it; sometimes I hate it, seriously.
It’s good to be considerate and modest, and for crying out loud, it’s good to be straight-forward, too.
Balance. Balance.
(I don’t get why the guy shot her down though: it wasn’t like she was offering him a favor…she was asking to be his girlfriend! Did he think of it as a favor? Or is he just weird?)
That’s also the case in US culture as well. When someone offers to pay for you, you have to counteroffer. I think there are a lot of people out there taking advantage of local tolerance.
Great post, Kimichen. Only by such posts it is possible to learn something new.
My wife and me surely had many culture problems in the beginning. Finally I introduced a “culture alarm”. When A felt offended and B “smelled” a culture problem, B could make a funny alarm sound and we talked about instead of feeling hurt.
Things like I continued to read the paper a bit when she talked to me. Pretty normal for every-day conversation in Germany. But after I had done it 100 times she felt disrespected and started to shout at me.
Being Taiwanese, she smiled the first 99 times and collected all wrath for nr. 100.
And when I - by German style - criticized her openly for small things, she thought we had a serious problem and I wanted to separate…
and … and … and
She is on the sofa now next to me, so everything worked out fine
[quote=“rice_t”]My Taiwanese teacher explained it like this:
Employee asks employer: Can I take the day off tomorrow?
Employer: Yeah sure, no problem. However, there is this urgent delivery next week and we are nowhere close to finish everything in time, so it would be really good if you could come in tomorrow and also do some overtime, is that a problem for you?
Employee: No, not at all.[/quote]
!!!
I want to recommend this one for post of the year.
Really though. It’s true. Especially with the KTV thing. I’m from Canada and I was invited to a KTV a couple of times but did not pay. Found out later that the guys who paid (one time) spent about 10 or 15,000. They were only in the army so they must not have had much cash. I never offered to take them out again but never really did see them much. I’m guilty of the foreigner taking advantage deal (a little) but I never really had much money. I know though that people pay, like for dinners and beers and such, when they don’t really have the cash. It’s kind of weird. I have treated but never to the people who directly treated me. Maybe a karma thing. I know the culture but I said, “Ok, thank you.” too quick a couple of times.
she consulted me and I found out that she’ve never had a clue about Taiwanese YES/NO philosophy after staying here as long as 5 years. A guy turned down her (YES/NO Philosophy) when she wanted to be his girl friend, but later he’ve kept implying that she should try again. (Another Custom any way) I guess this is a serious problem.
:help: