First things first - I live in Australia, and I’m planning to move to Taiwan for at least 12 months (by the end of June).
I have a number of Chinese and Taiwanese friends (both over here, and in China and Taiwan), and have become increasingly intrigued by the concept of guanxi.
I don’t get to talk to my Chinese and Taiwanese friends often enough for them to help me out with this. I do, however, tutor a Chinese guy once a week, teaching him English. His English is not brilliant, and whilst he has given me some kind of idea about guanxi, he just didn’t have the words to express it.
Last time I was at his place (actually his uncle’s place), his uncle, aunt, and one of their daughters were all there. They expressed their pleasure at me tutoring him (I’m a volunteer tutor through a government education scheme, and work willingly without pay).
Despite never having met me before, they insisted on taking down from the wall a large clock carved out of wood, and presenting it to me as a gift. I had to take it, of course, despite being totally dumbfounded.
What I want to know is how I can reciprocate appropriately. From the little I know of guanxi, some kind of response is definitely advisable, if not obligatory - and even without guanxi, I’d do it anyway (that’s the way I am).
I figure this is a good way for me to introduce the topic, and learn more about the culture. Can you please help me out? Thanks.
Guanxi is a game you play well or not at all. You get it or you don’t. Very difficult to describe to the western educated. Most people are surprised that I got my co-teachers Thai massages for Chinese New Year. Best investment I’ve made with them. Guanxi for me is a long term commitment to help and give to others that may not pay you back in ways you understand or see. There is a big differebce between Guanxi and “meat and drink friends” and I suggest you learn the difference. You need to make yourself look human in their eyes. I accomplish this with dumb and/or interesting stories of my friends/aquaintances. Hopefully someone comes through with a more sober explanation for you.
Guanxi is basically the exchange of favours. People will do favours for you and you don’t really have a clue why they did it and are so nice to you until days, weeks, month or even several years later they will get back to you with a request. This request can be very small or very big and sometimes quite impossible to accomplish, but people won’t understand, why you can’t help them, because they think you owe it to them and ought to do what ever you can to help them. On the other hand, if they owe you a favour you can turn up after years and they will be “happy” to do everything in their power to help you.
I suggest, if you are not willing to deal with this game, then try not to accept favours of any kind expecially in Mainland China where guanxi are far more important than in Taiwan.
Sometimes I ‘get’ guanxi, sometimes I don’t. When you do someone a favour or vice versa, fine, but what does it mean when someone gives you things you don’t need, want, or even like? It seems rude to just say ‘no, I don’t want it, you keep it’ and shove it back at them, but then if you accept are you obligated or not? Or is the idea that you should give them things they don’t really want in return until they get the hint? It all gets a bit subtle for me
I played the guanxi game for years, but got sick of it, because it is too closely connected with face, that most detestable oriental concept. Now I do my best to practice good manners, and to be a good friend to the people I like, and to act respectably to the people I don’t.
[quote=“Fortigurn”]
Last time I was at his place (actually his uncle’s place), his uncle, aunt, and one of their daughters were all there. They expressed their pleasure at me tutoring him (I’m a volunteer tutor through a government education scheme, and work willingly without pay).
Despite never having met me before, they insisted on taking down from the wall a large clock carved out of wood, and presenting it to me as a gift. I had to take it, of course, despite being totally dumbfounded.
What I want to know is how I can reciprocate appropriately. From the little I know of guanxi, some kind of response is definitely advisable, if not obligatory - and even without guanxi, I’d do it anyway (that’s the way I am).
I figure this is a good way for me to introduce the topic, and learn more about the culture. Can you please help me out? Thanks. [/quote]
First off you are teaching them for free. To Taiwanese they are probably dumbfounded by this, think you are some kind of western monk and well, want to repay your kindness. You don’t owe them anything in terms of guanxi. They would owe you more than they want to owe had they not given to you that clock. However, I think it is absolutely strange that they gave you a clock as to give someone a clock in Taiwan culture is akin to wishing upon them death (seeing them off at their funeral song zhong) You must have really complimented them on that clock or something. Old school Chinese people can’t handle compliments very well and don’t know what to do so they just gave you the clock. You should give them a dollar for the clock so it looks like you bought it and they didn’t give it to you so that you can break the curse.
Anyway, if you want to seem extra polite, give them something small, nothing expensive or the cycle will start again. Perhaps the best thing would be just to give them a thank-you card. They owe you anyway and expect to get gifts often if you continue to volunteer teach them. Just watch what you compliment them on.
hobart, you certainly know the culture very well… back in Jakarta, giving clock as a gift is customary esp for moslem since they have to watch their prayer time. I guess this influence the whole culture there. Chinese also gives clock as gift on special ocassions.
I hate to break it to you, but face isn’t some kind of uniquely oriental concept, whatever people might tell you. If, hypothetically, you were the boss of a company in the West, and one of your subordinates screwed up, would you feel it appropriate to reprimand him/her in front of everyone? If not, why not? To preserve their pride/dignity, or their face. People stay in bad marriages or refuse to seek help for problems because of face, but that happens in the West too - only there it’s called ‘pride’ or ‘stubborness’. I will give you that it’s a far more integral part of Chinese culture, and leads to some ridiculous and/or confusing situations, but I hope you are equally against the ‘detestable Western concept’ of pride.
To my mind, people are basically the same - they want to be respected, liked, and appreciated. If you simply treat people well by your own standards, I think most of them will get it in spite of cultural differences. I suppose you can get brownie points by playing the game, but I don’t personally think it matters all that much.
I hate to break it to you, but face isn’t some kind of uniquely oriental concept, whatever people might tell you. [/quote]
Of course you’re right. But the degree to which it is practiced and emphasized is telling - the differences can be quite pronounced.
Click here for the original discussion on Taiwanese “face”.
Thanks for all your comments people, this is a great help.
It sounds like a game I would enjoy. I’m very happy to try it.
[quote]You get it or you don’t. Very difficult to describe to the western educated. Most people are surprised that I got my co-teachers Thai massages for Chinese New Year. Best investment I’ve made with them. Guanxi for me is a long term commitment to help and give to others that may not pay you back in ways you understand or see. There is a big differebce between Guanxi and “meat and drink friends” and I suggest you learn the difference. You need to make yourself look human in their eyes. I accomplish this with dumb and/or interesting stories of my friends/aquaintances.
Okami[/quote]
This makes sense to me. Seems like I’ve done the right thing so far in sharing family photos and exchanging funny stories about personal mishaps. I did that to make my student feel more relaxed, and it seemed to work well.
That’s great, that’s basically how my student explained it (in simpler words). But he seemed a little frustrated that he couldn’t explain it in more depth.
Sounds reasonable to me.
My student and his family are from the ROC. This game is fine with me.
[quote=“ax”]when I first got to Taipei, my old time buddy told me this:
沒有關係找關係
mei you guanxi zhao guanxi
有關係就沒有關係
you guanxi jiu mei you guanxi
[/quote]
I’ve only just started learning Chinese. I’ll work on this.
There are so many aspects of guanxi, it’s really difficult to explain it in more depth. My personal experience with guanxi are the following:
My dads customer insisted on taking me out for dinner in Beijing once. A few weeks later the same customer wanted a discount from the company my dad was working with.
A business man I’ve met on the plane from Nanjing to Xiamen insisted on driving me home from the airport. I just couldn’t get rid of that guy and finally agreed. A few days later the same business mans driver stood on my door at 11pm and wanted me to translate a 10 page document the same night.
The above are just 2 examples. What I’ve noticed over the years, is that most Westerners do not really know who to play the game, they don’t know how to use their guanxi, if they have any at all, but on the other hand feel used by their Chinese aquaintances.
I myself prefer to stay out of the game as much as I can.
They’re actually from the ROC, but I suppose the same principle applies.
Gotcha, thanks. I’d like to give back something small though.
I don’t understand it either. I wasn’t looking at the clock, I hadn’t even noticed it until they took it off the wall. Then they spent 5 minutes looking for a fresh battery, and opened a new packet to be certain.
[quote=“mesheel”]There are so many aspects of guanxi, it’s really difficult to explain it in more depth. My personal experience with guanxi are the following:
My dads customer insisted on taking me out for dinner in Beijing once. A few weeks later the same customer wanted a discount from the company my dad was working with.
A business man I’ve met on the plane from Nanjing to Xiamen insisted on driving me home from the airport. I just couldn’t get rid of that guy and finally agreed. A few days later the same business mans driver stood on my door at 11pm and wanted me to translate a 10 page document the same night.
The above are just 2 examples. What I’ve noticed over the years, is that most Westerners do not really know who to play the game, they don’t know how to use their guanxi, if they have any at all, but on the other hand feel used by their Chinese aquaintances.
I myself prefer to stay out of the game as much as I can.[/quote]
It sounds like they play hardball. I can see myself being taken advantage of, because I’m not used to going back to someone and asking for ‘payback’. Maybe I can toughen up a little.
Certainly I’ll probably get ‘ripped off’ once or twice, but hey that happens in my current workplace anyway, no drama. I can handle it.
Guanxi can aslo be thought of as a network of contacts. It’s who you know. If you’ve got police guanxi, that means you have contacts int eh police etc. Of course, it’s not good enough to just know them (although this is a start), it has to come back to the favours thing to. If you need to call on your guanxi, they should owe you some favours.
Another thing about guanxi is that when it comes to customer service (excluding foreign places like maccas and seven elevens), one of the reasons you are getting shit-house service is that in this country, business is personal, and people are not going to be nice to you for nothing. when people get jobs here their bosses don’t tell them that their jobs depend on cutomer service, like in australia. if you become a regular, and establish a bit of guanxi here and there, maybe you can start expecting a bit of attention. strangers are discourteous to each other eg cutting in line because they have no guanxi with each other so there is no need to care.
what i noticed about the favour-exchanging system is that even though there is a mutual understanding that there is something you want from each other, there is still a difference between using someone and extracting a favour from them. its a bit of an art really
