Tell me to stick to my guns! Quick!

Life Dating & Relationships
1

What do you do when someone offers you a purely sexual relationship that you know you should not have? (Guys, shut up until you quit fantasizing, okay, then post once you’re able to think straight again.)

He’s hotter than hell fire in a gasoline rain.

He’s offering top shelf goods (I’ve eaten at this buffet before.)

He’s poison and I know it–perhaps not deadly in small doses, though.

We’ve gotten to be terrific friends and I don’t want to mess that up.

A relationship is out of the question and I’m not interested in one, besides.

It’s been a long time since I, um, you know, and since before I married that it was really good–and that was with this guy!

Well, there you have it. I’d rather say no. For one reason, this guy is practically a public service. For another reason, I’m not sure what his motivation is–other than the obvious–but he has a “girlfriend,” or well someone who puts out, anyway.

I know he likes me, as in relationship likes me, but I’m not willing to go there and it would not work anyway.

I really think I should not do this, but . . . WHEW!

What do you do? Any good advice? HELP! Quick!!!

2

It’s cause I turned him down, right? I think it is. No one ever turns him down. Ha! Well.

3

Disclaimer: I’m a guy.

It sounds like you don’t want to do it. (“He’s poison; I really think I should not do this.”)

There are some reasons for doin’ it. You’ve sampled the
goods
before, and you’ve been able to maintain (resurrect?) a friendship.

If it makes any difference, I will think no less of you if you do it,

and send a full report. :howyoudoin:

But my advice is, “If you really don’t want to do it, don’t really do it.”

4

This is all about respect.

I seriously doubt that you want to become an emotional basketcase because of this guy. Wherever the clit goes the heart is sure to follow. I’d counsel a pass on this guy if he is the same one you talked about before.

5

Been there, done that, got the scars.

(Were it I, I’d likely do it again. But then, the one-eyed trouser snake is not famed for its perspective, nor foresight.)

6

I’m with Zendiak 5000.
I’m kind of a serial spouse, I’ve spent more of my life married or engaged than single.
One time, during a rare single spell, I got into one of these “purely physical” deals with a young lady.
Zen, remember The Night of The Russian Ballerinas?
It was kind of novel for a couple of weeks.
After that, it was just a pain.
I don’t care how many disclaimers and releases have been brought out and signed beforehand, it’s still one kind of a relationship, so there are still certain basic parameters to be observed, you know, like being where you said you would on time, returning calls, riding her around on the back of your bike, holding doors, sharing popcorn, all that.
And when you don’t really have any Special Feelings for the other person??
It’s kind of a fucking drag, man.
I spent like 2 weeks digging it and then 6 trying to get the fuck out.
I don’t reccie the deal.

7

Some nights, you never forget.

8

seX is a two-edged sword.

9

[quote=“Okami”]Wherever the clit goes the heart is sure to follow. .[/quote] That’s a signature line waiting to be stolen!

Yes, you’re right. All of you. I don’t really want to do it, it’s just that some of my parts keep trying to veto my brain. I can’t even believe I’m this conflicted. I feel a little better armed though, thinking that he really wants to just because I’ve told him I won’t. But to win that game, I have to keep saying no. But he knows how to get a yes, yes, YES, so I’m still at a disadvantage.

What do you do? I don’t call him, don’t answer his calls, so he skypes. He emails. He’s only an hour away at the moment, instead of safely on the othe side of the world. We have almost a psychic link or something. And I LOVE talking to him. I just am not interested in a relationship with him for many reasons. I think we could just shag once or twice, but then stuff like chiefy’s talking about would ruin our friendship, or at least put it on hold for several years till we got over ourselves.

Mercy. It’s a nice kind of trouble to have, though, I guess.

Yeah, that’s the problem!

10

Been there, done that, got the scars. My recommendation is DON’T DO IT. I’m a stupid male, BTW. :blush:

11

I remember once – vaguely – when an actual female, a human one, wanted to have a rogering from me! :astonished: Long time ago now though, so I can’t remember what I did.
Don’t think I’d be after shagging a friend, though. Like the chief said. Things’d change.

Really? A Russian ballerina? Was she, like, flexible and all?

12

Like you say, he already has someone who ‘puts out’. I’ve read your posts here on forumosa and I don’t think you deserve to go on his list of women ‘putting out’.

13

Awww. That’s sweet! Thank you. And that’s part of why I’m trying not to do this. If I’m going to be able to keep this guy’s friendship, I can’t let him feel like he can use me. We could use eachother, yes, but it’s still never equal useage. I just isn’t. I don’t think I can have his body and his respect at the same time. He tells me I’m the only woman, in fact, that he’s ever slept with and still considered a real friend. But that took a while.

I don’t know what it is with this guy. To be completely honest, I haven’t been remotely interested in any man I’ve laid eyes on in years. Why do I have to struggle with this?

Anyway, thanks for your support. The critical moment is over and I’ve won this latest round!

14

He is a good friend but wants a purely sexual relationship? Sounds like he just wants to upgrade to a ‘friend with benefits’ deal. They can turn out to be some of the best relationships if you have a busy life. Nothing wrong with this if you can quell your emotions, and if you are sure he can too. Just think of it as ‘feeding the monster’, and your friendship should remain intact. Good luck.

15

Freinds w/ benefits or a purely sexual relationship are perfectly acceptable and healthy provided you both can handle it.

I do something similar when I go back home. There is a girl I really love to pieces, we have lots of good times together, talk for hours, and have crucial sex. The problem is, that we have too big of a divergence in life goals. She is the home town girl who doesn’t want to leave “la familia” I share the wanderlust that drives most of my family into the navy. So we stay close friends, but when I go home we date and have an amazing time. It works because we are both very mature about it, understand what we have together, and accept it for the fun it is. We both see other people and lead normal lives but if we are both single when I drift into town, well volumes could be written on the glory of those encounters.

In your case, I would not recommend the relationship because of his real relationship feelings toward you. Lots of people offer “purely sexual” relationships in the hope of wooing over the partner into a real relationship. That is where all the pain and suffering ends up coming into play. Now if you have ice in your veins, go for it. Let him put himself out there and use him until you require a new boytoy.

16

Having an osmotic PhD in psychology (from the wife, who has the real deal), IMO: you cannot have a “sex only” relationship with this dude because he is not a cypher, he has a history with you. Plus, you are a sensitive wombman (the etymology) and mother, and even if he were a cypher, the distaff side finds it hard to compartmentalize into johnson and johnsee. My rec: find a cypher.

(And you’re right, he’s only chasing you b/c you said no. He has to win. It’s a dude who never gets told no thing.)

17

Hello,

I find your strange terminology intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

What is a cypher, wombman and “distaff” side?

18

I will stand aside for a real neologist, but I’m on firmer ground etymologically. “wombman” is/could be Indoeuropean (set the wayback machine) for “woman”. A womb-man has a womb.

“As an adjective the term distaff is used to describe the female side of a family.”

cipher or cypher, a person of no influence (among many other definitions)

Just me. No blog. No museletter.

Have you met Butters? She’ll lex you a new cog no men.

19

You can always go for it later, but you can’t undo it. If you feel down deep inside like it might be a mistake, then it probably would. Keep your head about you.

20

Housecat, I stole that line from a cosmo article( :blush: embarrassed to admit I have read Cosmo, but it was only for the sex articles.)

Now there are 2 conflicting thoughts going through this guy’s head. This is a neutral opinion and you should weigh in with what your situation is.

  1. he’s getting older and wants to settle down with a woman that he can cosnider his equal.

  2. He wants to “conquer” you and make you less of a woman in his eyes.

He’s probably unsure too and I would just ask him what he wants out of the relationship. 1 is good, but 2 is bad. Fuck buddies are fun, but almost always end up emotionally messy.

As far as you being attracted to this guy, well from previous posts he sounds like a guy who just attracts woman and is able to get them to do whatever he wants. I’ve seen it before and it’s really kind of strange. You’ll see normal woman doing shit with them that is almost unimaginable for them to do otherwise. I blame pheromones.