That big bike/fear of change?

Life Dating & Relationships
#1

I just read somewhere in a thread that some dude said that he’s been nagging his partner to let him have a big bike, and he’s not even married yet. Now, I might have read that completely incorrectly, but that statement has kind of become a symbol for me for the general sense of opression, rage, horror, fear, whatever that seems to attack me every now and then.

I seem to have an unnatural fear of being changed or influenced in any way by a boyfriend or girlfriend. I like myself when single. I’ve been single for most of my life, and I always tell people how much I LOVE it.

Now I’m in a relationship, and I’m on edge the whole time to resist any effort from the other party to change the way I am. Some things I’ve adapted to pretty easily, e.g. suddenly some of my drawers and other spaces are occupied with boy stuff, great foot massages when I used to hate feet, somebody to help clean and take out the trash, somebody cute around to get me out of the house and go to weird places like Bitan or Taipei zoo with, just for the hell of it.

But other things are driving me nuts. I suddenly don’t feel like going out to The Wall and music shows anymore. Most of my friends are men, and suddenly hanging out with my friends seem to be creating problems, ranging from mutual dislike to just plain jealousy (which is vehemently denied). It suddenly seems that we’re great at home, but any social outing involving any of my old male friends puts me on edge for both him and them, and I don’t seem to enjoy myself with those friends anymore. I don’t want to lose my friends, or the boy?

What is the real issue here? Am I just afraid to change? Is this not the right guy for me? Is it normal to go out to movies and such things more after you’re in a relationship? It seems that he wanted to go out to clubs too before we started dating? What’s going on? I want my Wall! No. I want to want my Wall! But I don’t. :frowning: :fume: :frowning:

#2

Look at the way some of your male friends behave…guys are like dogs…they don’t like it when another dog lifts his leg anywhere near you:)

#3

Was it me?

Realationships are great and is about giving and taking(mostly giving)

#4

I’ll never cheat on a guy, so the fact that he is bothered by them means that he thinks I’m going to cheat on him. Except that he seems to be more worried about my reputation, or something weird like that. We went out with my group of rocker friends and we both had a great time. Then a few weeks after that some young nobody girl from that place told him in the street that people are looking down on him because his girlfriend is partying with those guys, and he is becoming like a joke or something. Now, there’s tension for no reason.
Little girls need to be punished and ripped to shreads. They cause the world nothing but trouble.
Maybe what I want to do is to just continue my previous life, but just add some person who is so perfect for me that he basically just starts to go along for the ride. Is that not what a relationship is about?
He says I’m selfish and I never compromise.

#5

Was it me?

Realationships are great and is about giving and taking(mostly giving)[/quote]

That stuff has always put me in a rage. You get to 30, leaving behind the restrictions of your childhood (not that I had that many), and now you have your own money and time. You can buy the big bike, finally. And then some cow comes along and tells you that you can’t buy it. And if you even dare buy the bloody thing, they’ll make sure you don’t enjoy it.
What is that stuff? Is that what a relationship is? What’s so good about giving, when it doesn’t seem to be giving, but just giving in?

#6

Can I rip her to shreds? It’ll be fun.

If you don’t feel like doing what you used to do, it’s fine. Maybe you just want to take a break from the partying. Maybe you’d rather spend time alone with the boy.

If it’s something really important to you, then go ahead and do it. If not, don’t.

If your relationship is just starting, maybe he doesn’t know you well enough yet to completely trust you?

There’s a gecko walking around on my window and he’s cool, and so are you, so everything will be fine. Just do whatever you feel like whether it be going out and partying or staying home and cuddling.

I tend to stay home a lot when I have a SO. I tend to stay home a lot anyway. But moreso when I’m comfy at home. It also depends on what things the other person enjoys. Some people hate busy places.

#7

Yep, I guess it’s the fact that I don’t feel like going out anymore that’s freaking me out. Me? Don’t wanna go out?! WTF?
So how’s that gecko? Is he hot? I hear gecko sex is bloody awesome. Maybe why I’m in such a mood. I’m missing out on all that hot gecko sex.
But the weirdest thing is that venting here seems to have helped. Now here’s to hoping he never discovers this thread.

#8

Buy a big bike and you’ll be having so much fun you won’t care.

#9

Sounds familiar - all that stuff we did in our teens and twenties still sounds like fun in theory. It just never seems to happen. I don’t bemoan getting older and the fact that I don’t indulge in the same chemical pleasures that I used to. It’s just I feel a little indignant that I never made any decision to quit or cut down - it just seemed to happen leaving me in theory thinking it still sounds like fun but in practice, never doing it.

#10

i’m having a hard time understandin this thread,twonavels is a man or a woman?

#11

:runaway:

Thank God for Taiwan being the perfect catalyst for involuntary celibacy so I don’t have to deal with anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. Well, except my boss and perhaps my mom… well, at least my boss.

I’ll have to be more proactive in the States to maintain involuntary celibacy… I’m thinking of growing a hairy mole or three, just to be safe. :wink:

Seriously, though, your s.o. controlling what you can and cannot buy? Now, your mom, I can see, but you can’t exactly dump your mom… if you know what I mean… and if these issues are that worrisome, then perhaps it is time to get rid of “Mom”.

#12

you’re saying you’re single ONLY because you are in taiwan?

#13

Well do you compromise ? IMHO relationships take work, and the ones that are worthwhile take a lot of work. I think the whole you meet the perfect person and just like that everything is nice and peachy is a f**** evil myth invented by TV. I am guessing you like the boy enough to have made some sort of commitment and it takes time and energey to maintain the relationship so you don’t have any left for partying and going out like you did when you were single.

[quote=“twonavels”]
Maybe what I want to do is to just continue my previous life, but just add some person who is so perfect for me that he basically just starts to go along for the ride. Is that not what a relationship is about?
He says I’m selfish and I never compromise.[/quote]

#14

We kind of talked and seems to have resolved some stuff. It’s still nice to have a place to blow off steam every now and then. Ahhh, bliss.

#15

Was it me?

Realationships are great and is about giving and taking(mostly giving)[/quote]

That stuff has always put me in a rage. You get to 30, leaving behind the restrictions of your childhood (not that I had that many), and now you have your own money and time. You can buy the big bike, finally. And then some cow comes along and tells you that you can’t buy it. And if you even dare buy the bloody thing, they’ll make sure you don’t enjoy it.
What is that stuff? Is that what a relationship is? What’s so good about giving, when it doesn’t seem to be giving, but just giving in?[/quote]

ya but shes probably a pretty cute “cow” and if its a matter of who , err what he wants to ride?

#16

Thank God for Taiwan being the perfect catalyst for involuntary celibacy so I don’t have to deal with anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. Well, except my boss and perhaps my mom… well, at least my boss.

I’ll have to be more proactive in the States to maintain involuntary celibacy… I’m thinking of growing a hairy mole or three, just to be safe. :wink:

Seriously, though, your s.o. controlling what you can and cannot buy? Now, your mom, I can see, but you can’t exactly dump your mom… if you know what I mean… and if these issues are that worrisome, then perhaps it is time to get rid of “Mom”.[/quote]

maybe its me or are Taiwanese girls particularly dictatorial? and controlling?? they always seem to want to control their man. MY girlfriend is the perrenial slave driver. haha. but shes cute and i bear it. plus she cuts me a lot of slack cuz im never gonna measure up to all she demands. haha